Treating me with contempt?

[Fallout123]

I think my partner is treating me with contempt and is making me feel hugely anxious. He will come down in the morning and not even acknowledge me. We had a bit of an disagreement on Saturday evening about the way he speaks to me and yesterday morning I looked up and he was looking at me like he hated me. This morning I'd called 2 different tradesmen to sort some issues in the house. I told him about this and he basically put me down for not explaining what was broken correctly. I also had to call the vets but he had said he wanted to speak to them first, so mentioned it and asked him to call, which was met with why would I want to speak to them just call them.

It's all stupid minor things but the way he speaks to me is like I am just a huge inconvenice when I'm doing things to help us both. Feel pretty fed up with it but don't know how to bring up? If I say to him I don't like the way you speak to me I'll be asked to prove it and if I say it's his tone of voice etc will just be told I'm being sensitive.

When they treat you like that it's been over a while OP.

Question is, do you want to live with it?

He sounds very unpleasant. Do you have children together?

If someone is treating you with contempt it's often a sign your relationship has run its course. Trust how you feel and decide if this relationship is for you.

Find someone better. Life is too short to live wondering whether the amount you're being treated like shit is being treated like shit enough. In your own home. By the person that is supposed to love you.

No children, we share 2 dogs. Thing is that he is adamant he loves me and always talking about the future which I just do not understand as I don't feel he treats me like he loves me the majority of the time.

Follow his actions, not his words. You'll go crazy otherwise.

It doesn't matter what he says, what he does is what's important.

You don't feel like he treats you with love the majority of the time yet you stay and tolerate it. Why do you stay and continue to stay? His actions speak louder than his words. Don't continue to waste your time and your life on this relationship.

Think you are all correct as if I just look at how I feel and the way he treats me then its not how someone who loves you would

It's not your fault. It's confusing when you've had happy times in a relationship and the person is telling you to your face that they love you. It messes with your mind. You deserve better. No one should have to ask someone repeatedly to treat them properly. Not someone that is supposed to love them. Cut your losses. Don't miss your opportunity to find real love, if that's what you want.

Thanks this is exactly what I am battling with and feeling like I am settling being treated this way, wondering if there could be something better but then feeling guilty for that

Of course there is something better than being treated with contempt!

Do you have a joint mortgage,are you working,joint bank accounts what is your situation.You need to leave this awful situation before you are really unwell.You deserve so much more make it happen.You can do this.

Don't feel guilty. Give it some real thought. Once you decide to leave, he will likely start telling you everything you want to hear. And possibly acting on it, for a short while.

Ask any woman that's left a relationship like this and they'll all say that they wish they'd left sooner, or they wasted the best years of their life on this guy. Don't let that be you. Life alone is much better than this. Don't let him mess with your head anymore. Have time alone, reset and find someone better.

I know, I guess I have been wondering if he is actually treating me with contempt or if I am just being overly sensitive and trying to find issues (as that's what he seems to think)

Having a good personality is a really important part of getting along with people - not being mardy, not being the fun police, not speaking to people like shit, responding nicely when your beloved says 'I don't like this'.

I think you are in a tough spot because he will ask for evidence and then deny what you say, and he will also say that he loves you and wants to stay together and be together - you are going to have to be strong and stick to your guns.

Six out of ten is not good enough for your life. Do you want to spend the coin of your life with a man who thinks the way he acts is good enough?

Get out before children are involved. Honestly, OP, I wouldn’t be surprised if he has been unfaithful. It was my experience. Sorry.

Contempt is the last destroyer of any relationship. It rots away any goodwill in a relationship. What he says about love or the future don’t matter anymore. In the everyday he is treating you very, very poorly and he knows he is.
It is also frightening - you don’t know whether you are coming or going and doubt your own sanity.
That is dangerous ground.
You know it’s not right, trust your instinct before you end up embedded in a life you will one day truly regret.
It never gets better, only worse.
You have a lot of love and care to offer - give it to yourself first and get out. You will never find anyone to share it with here.

I feel like I've already wasted far too long dealing with the way he acts and always making excuses for it as he loves me. I think I have been convinced that I'm being too sensitive but at the end of the day I'm feeling the way I do for a reason. I never know what version I'm going to get and he is always on edge about something or other. I think it's very hard to understand though as I felt a bit stupid writing this post and worrying I am complaining over nothing.

Being sensitive or not is irrelevant - it's how you feel. It doesn't matter if he thinks it's reasonable or not.

Actions speak louder than words. Anyone can say "I love you". But love is a verb - it's what you do, day to day, that shows whether it's true or not.

Of course you doubt yourself. You are a normal, rational person and you have someone saying something straight to your face. A trusting person will take that at face value. As it goes on where the actions don't match the words, you will end up doubting your own reality.

Not that I'm suggesting he has got physical, but when you see women in horrible, physical domestic violence situations and wonder how they stay, this is how it starts, subtly, with you doubting yourself, thinking I must have it wrong, because he told me.

Life has so much more to offer than this. You have no kids. Look after yourself.

Really good advice.

I think this may be one of those situations of "when a person shows you who they are, believe them". You deserve better.

He might say he loves you, but his actions do not bear that out, do they?

Can I ask you whether you would treat someone you love the way he treats you?

If someone looks at you with 'hate' - get out of there!!!

If a stranger looked at you like that, you'd run because you'd be in danger. Well guess what? Same thing applies! You.are.in.danger.

Also, even if it wasn't abuse, the only point I a partner is if they make your life happier and bring out the best in you. This guy doesn't. Infact, he does the literal opposite!

You don't have to justify leaving him. It doesn't have to reach some level of 'bad enough'. You can leave someone for any reason you like. Or, none at all even! It's your life and you get to decide who gets to be part of it and who doesn't.

And for the record, I'd rather saw my own hand off than be stuck with a jerk like him.