Could you forgive a friend who ghosted you?

[Combover41]

My best friend of many years did not speak to me for 2 months, prior to this we spoke daily, multiple times a day. The reason she did not speak to me was because I cancelled a trip to visit her because my young son was sick (v&d, I’m a single mum, didn’t want older grandparents looking after him when sick). After I cancelled trip I just never heard from her again. I rang, text, reached our multiple times asking if we could sort this out, apologised for cancelling (I was also annoyed to miss the trip), I’ve never cancelled before.

i reached out again last week and finally heard back from her. The gist of the message from her was that she could never forget what I done and that I triggered her into having an awful time (she’s pregnant) and she will always remember how I treated her when pregnant. She then just went straight into updating me on her life and asking me how I’ve been.

i am finding it hard to launch straight back into a normal friendship especially when she clearly feels like she did nothing wrong but has now decided to ‘forgive’ me. I feel like if I say any of this to her she will stop talking to me again but I also don’t feel like I can just chat as normal.

wwyd?

It’s off-putting to me when adults can’t separate their disappointment at a situation with the person involved. OP your son was sick, there was nothing you could do. You didn’t go out of your way to let her down. I’m sure if you had showed up and your son spewed all over her living room rug she’d be raging too!

No.
Full stop.
😊

I think there’s a mountain being made out of a molehill here. Maybe it’s because you’re at the beginning of parenthood- and just starting to realise you’re no longer the most important person in your own life.
Your friend hasn’t even got to that point yet.

I’d just leave it, and focus on making new friends who are at the same stage in life, and have realised that unpredictable things happen and plans get cancelled

Certainly no need to ask for forgiveness- you’re two adults. A lot worse things can happen than cancelling a visit.

I have 3 children, I’ve been a parent for 10 years

If it was me, I wouldn’t be bothering with that friend again. The drama is just too much and they are clearly irrational and self absorbed.

But as you seem to care about them why not meet up and talk about it? And see where that gets you.

She sounds very self absorbed and hard work. Is your usual friendship dynamic that she’s the boss and you do everything she wants? So she was shocked and angry when you suddenly didn’t put her wishes above your responsibilities? She’s being ridiculous and I think you need to cool the friendship and work out if you have a pattern of letting other people boss you around. Contact multiple times a day doesn’t sound like a mature grown-up friendship.

It's not the ghosting, it's the fact she's not realised how awful she's been to you and she hasn't apologised to you

She's not your friend and you're better off without her if she doesn't realise the way she's behaved is wrong

Op friends dont do this to each other. Id of text twice but then left it. Some friends are only in your life for a while, they come and go. Ghosting you when your child is poorly is poor friendship. I feel like you repeatedly trying to get in touch with her is a bit beggy. She probably enjoyed it. Draw a line under that shit and move on

I remember your other threads on this trip and how your friend treated you when you apologized for very reasonably cancelling due to your ill DC. I think her last message was how she was going to be taking time to consider her response or some such nonsense? I don't know why you want this person in your life, she seemed determined to punish you for putting your sick child first, she is not really a friend I would want, don't confuse a long friendship with a good friendship.

Have you told her how upset you our over her ghosting you? Depending on her response would be how you should go forward, if she acknowledges it then maybe a chance to move forward if she doesn’t then I’d forget about her. She was very unreasonable to ghost you because you had to cancel over a sick child. Obviously we don’t know what was going on with her, we know she was pregnant so she could be hormonal, could of had something going on in her life you were unaware of to cause her to act like that or she could just be selfish and self centred which we can’t comment on because we don’t know her so I think just be honest with how she made you feel and see what she says back

Ghosting horrible. You dont need that in a friendship. Op she sounds hard work

@Combover41 - well then, let it go. She’s not worth this hassle. You have your own family to focus on, and your soon -to -be teenagers may give you enough drama. You don’t need it from adults as well