In laws treating my home like a hotel

[AnnaBanana112]

We’ve moved near an airport which DH’s family frequently fly from and we’ve only been here a few weeks yet they’ve come 6 times to use our home as a hotel.

They expect DH to drop them to the airport and pick them up which he does (sometimes at unreasonable times like 2am drop offs which then results in him being tired the whole of the next day).

They stay on work nights and obviously I don’t feel comfortable in my own home when they’re here and they will take their good time to leave. They want to “relax and recharge and have some food and drink” before making their way home.

DH will also tell me randomly “oh by the way I’m picking up so and so and they’re going to stay on X night”. I’ve told him before that this house is becoming an airport hotel and he laughs it off but it’s really starting to get on my nerves. I don’t want arguments and bitterness but it’s getting a bit ridiculous now. Before they used to go to and from the airport on their own and somehow now they think it’s ok to treat this house like a f’ing airport hotel, restaurant and taxi. My own relatives wouldn’t do that or expect this so I’m struggling to understand why they think this is ok.

I worry if I tell DH he will start saying that it sounds like I don’t want/like them or that I’m just being a bitch.

would you be ok with this or am I just being unreasonable?

They've got a bloody cheek, haven't they?

Do they bring thank-you gifts or show their appreciation at all? Give petrol money or supply food and drink? If not, then I'd suggest you tell your DH to inform his relatives that the Hotel AnnaBanana is closed forthwith.

Why did you move close to an airport, by the way?

YANBU

They don’t bring gifts, don’t offer money for petrol or the exit fee at the airport, it’s just become an expectation.

Area is fantastic and ticks all the boxes, airport doesn’t cause any bother since we’re not directly on the flight path and it’s still a good 25 mins away but close enough by their account to “crash here and recover from the flight”.
I’m at wits end. Will tell DH that he needs to put his foot down because I’ve had enough. Dreading to think what excuse he will make for them and how I will look like the evil witch.

Yanbu. You need to make your red lines clear now or it will never stop.

I'd tell them that staying at your house when you have work the next day is not ok. Using your house as a rest stop on the way home is not ok.

I'd compromise if they have an early flight on a Saturday or Sunday, but that's all. And that assumes that you don't have anything else organised and that your DH is willing to do all the running around.

Some people are just cfs !

I used to live in Stansted and got much the same, the only thing I would not do is pay the airport fees for pick ups and drop offs, extortion!

They should at least pay the drop off fee, yes very cheeky of them

They are taking the absolute piss and so is he. You need to your foot firmly up the crack of his arse and kick in touch. Firm boundaries you need to set for them and him or you will end up splitting up. 6 times in a few weeks? I would totally lose my shit! He is the arsehole and so are his parents!

You’re going to have to tell him that it’s too much.

So what if he thinks you don’t want his family using your place like a hotel? You don’t like them doing that and he wouldn’t like it if it was the other way round. He’ll probably get fed up of all the taxi-ing soon anyway.

Set some boundaries. Tell him once a month maximum and not on weeknights. It’s your home too and you get to say no. Tell him he can tell his family that this has come from you if he’s too scared to tell them it’s a joint decision.

And I think if you can’t tell your husband something so fundamental as ‘I’m getting a bit fed up of having your family at the house’ then you perhaps need some couples communication counselling.

Good luck. I would hate this and would have said no after the second or third time. 6 is ridiculous in a few weeks.

6 times in a few weeks is absurd…. Tell them twice a year with a months notice ( and that’s being extremely generous) otherwise please stay at this hotel and send them a link to an airport hotel.

As per mn you have a DH problem

I couldn’t handle that many visitors and I’m also near an airport but no ones cheeky enough to expect lifts and accommodation all the time

Do the minimum when they’re there. Leave the cooking, cleaning etc to your DH. Don’t make up the bed for them.

OP, is this your first home, I mean one you've bought together? It could be that your DH is showing off - look what a clever boy I am, sort of thing. Were your in laws always inclined to be "takers"? Did they help you purchase the house and feel they are owed something. Either way, this would actually be a dealbreaker for me. I would tell my DH that he can play Basil Fawlty and run the hotel by himself if that's what he wants. The whole thing is outrageous and completely unsustainable.

I live about 15 minutes from Manchester Airport using the new bypass and do get asked to let family flying from their stay at my house and leave their car here. I have no problem with this but I don’t offer a lift to or from the airport, I tell them to get a taxi - still cheaper than a hotel room or parking fees. Manchester Airport have made it very difficult to drop or collect without incurring large fees and also changed the layout of the roads which is confusing!

My visitors do usually pay a “ hosts supplement” of a bottle of gin from duty free but that is voluntary!

I wouldnt pay the exit fee period. Thats shocking to me. I wouldnt feed them…they can have water or tea that they get themselves. i very well may not be home because it’s a weekday and i have things to do. And if DH is not available i definitely wouldnt be available either. No prep for guest room assuming you have one. Are they wealthy and not working because that seems like a lot of trips to take so surely they can afford exit fee and to feed themselves. You have had enough but maybe DH hasn’t. You do nothing to facilitate their visits or trips.

Is their current frequency of holidays/flights set to continue like this? Do they always fly on a twice a week basis? Sounds bonkers. Work? Holidays?

That's outrageous! I don't blame you for being fed up. I'd be properly pissed off.

Cheeky fuckers for stepping all over your boundaries.

I'd say they've outstayed their welcome. Surely OP, your life and marriage is more important than these takers.

If they're rich enough to go gallivanting off so regularly I bet an airport hotel for one night won't break the bank.

"I worry if I tell DH he will start saying that it sounds like I don’t want/like them or that I’m just being a bitch".

This is also a problem that you need to address. Are you also afraid of his reaction?. You should not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. His parents are consistently taking the mickey here and expect you to host them for free.

Is he really a wet lettuce when it comes to his parents?. Is he always seeking their approval even now as an adult?.

They do city breaks so go on a weekday come back weekend, both departure and arrival resulting in staying a night. It’s not just one family member that’s using the airport, theres 3 separate people😤. DH will say “oh but it’s my dad/mum/brother I can’t expect him/her to pay, they’ll be quiet, you won’t even notice they’re here”.

I'd contact the ILs and say can you please give us more notice if who would like a lift to the airport/stay, as you can imagine we are hosting alot of friends and family now we have moved so conveniently for the airport. We need more notice.

Argh this would drive me mad too.
The main problem is your husband seemingly being happy to do this… I feel like he’s an absolute mug driving them round at 2am and paying the exit charge. But if he’s willing and okay about it, I know exactly what you mean about just looking like the evil one. A lot of people saying put your foot down, but it’s sometimes easier said than done, if he wants to have his parents stay in his home and do all that driving around for them, it’s not simple and straightforward. I don’t really have any advice other than to say I feel your pain!

6 times in a few weeks is a hell of a lot!!

Does your DH often tell you ‘you’re just being a bitch’?

Then he needs to do ALL the hosting whilst you carry in living your life normally.
He can shop, cook, take them to the airport, entertain as much as he likes.

Im sure he’ll get tired of it quite quickly. Esp with 2.00am start/pick up.

Just let him know first, it’s too much for you and you won’t be stepping up.
He is a mug but he clearly needs to learn his own lesson.

I'd tell him if he doesn't tell them then you will, and since they're happy to have completely no regard for your feelings then you'll act the same way when you tell them.

Double book the weekend his family wants to stay - 'sorry DH my family/friends have asked to stay that weekend, you won't notice they're here'.

Who does all the bed-changing/bathroom cleaning?
I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and say it's not him. And, if the standard of house-cleaning is not up-to-scratch, who will be blamed for that? Again, I'm guessing not him.