Partner says we are just friends. Is he trying to break up with me?

[Jennilouise2]

Hello! Me and my partner have been together for over 2 years. Here is a little bit about us fro understanding how I have come to the conclusion. We live about 12 miles from each other which we both knew this when we got together. I don't drive, again he knew this when we initially got together. I have my own house and my own business which has been a dream of mine and it does take up a lot of my time, but I still make time to see him, family and friends. His job hands on and he hates it but he’s struggling to get another. He has autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia and a nerve condition that he has recently got a diagnosis for. His autism does affect our relationship in the communication and affection side of things. I have read numerous and listened to several books and podcasts on the subject to understand and make life easier.
He has moved in with his parents recently due to renting out his flat to give him extra money. He’s cautious and sensible with money which I like in him but he is now saying he can’t come and see me as much because the fuel is becoming expensive. I am very aware that it is a little expensive so I have always said I will get public transport to see him instead. He always says no. So basically the next time I will see him is in 4 weeks time! I do find it concerning that he is getting another large and expensive tattoo though but says he has no money to see me. We are supposed to be going away for a few days over the Christmas period that he booked but I had to ask lots for him to go. Another reason I think he has zoned out of our “relationship”.
When I say to him he’s my partner, boyfriend, he looks at me weirdly and says “we are just friends”
this is so confusing as he always sends me “love you” nighttime messages. It’s extremely confusing and it’s messing with my head. I see him looking at me and I say “os everything ok” he then says yeah but says nothing making me paranoid.
With the distance thing he has had other relationships in the past that have been lots longer in distance and he seemed to see them more. It is starting to make me feel that I’m not worthy of that as I don’t ever get treated the way he says he treated his exes.
Im so confused……… any advice???

He doesn't sound like a prize really and you have wasted two years on him, dump him now this is going no where and would you even want it to? You are really only a friend to him and it seems he has had other similar 'friends' too.
He doesn't want a real relationship, or can't due to his problems time to call it quits either way.

God almighty, what’s to get?
He couldn’t be any clearer

Well, yes, he could be a lot clearer. He could say "I don't think we're working well as boyfriend and girlfriend, I'd rather go back to being friends - how do you feel?"

Heaven forfend a bloke should be expected to behave like a civilised human being 🙄

Exactly. I'm autistic. I don't see why she should be expected to somehow "get the hint" and slink off like an unwanted dog.

He can talk to her properly.

Find someone else who is less hard work and makesyou happy! He just wants to be FWB.

You're not wrong.

But in the meantime, since he's being bloody weird and hedging his bets, OP should stop running after him and trying to figure out his bullshit and just - stop.

A good relationship doesn't look like this.

Sorry, I do actually agree. He’s behaving like a graceless arsehole, but the message is still clear enough.
No need to for op’s confusion at all.

Break things off with him and see how he reacts?

Oh say bye to this coward. You deserve a fellow who will love you and appreciate you and spend time with you.

Ask him OP. ‘We have been boyfriend and girlfriend for two years. You’ve recently been calling me a friend. Did you break up with me and forget to tell me?’

What did you say when he said you’re just friends?
I don’t understand how you can be so passive.

This.

Sorry OP, it doesn't look good for your relationship.

He maybe likes cuddles and sex on his terms but it looks like his romantic feelings have either cooled or weren't there in the first place

I think you need to ask him directly op.

Just say you were thinking about something he'd said "were just good friends" and it made you feel confused about your relationship status. Ask him directly if he considers you as his girlfriend. That should answer that question at least

On the whole though I think you need to consider whether this is what you actually want from a relationship. It sounds like you've put the leg work in to trying to be accommodating of his needs in this relationship- but are your needs being met?

This 100%! Call him out on his appalling behaviour - if he was brave enough to ask you to be his girlfriend, he can be brave enough to end things properly.

He can't afford a couple of quid for fuel, but can afford a new tattoo?

Nah

Cut your losses OP

He sounds way too complex and into himself really (short 12 mile drive and he won’t pay for fuel)

what’s the point in waiting 4 weeks to see him and you had to beg? I go further to my local shop most days via car

If one half of a 'relationship' is openly and without shame saying 'but we are just friends' then you're not in a relationship.
It can't be a non consensual relationship from one person. So it isn't one.

You really need to leave him and move on. You can have plenty of more authentic equal bonds with someone who actually wants a girlfriend.

I don't understand how the confusion could've gone on so long. Is he saying he never ever thought you were his romantic partner?
You deserve much better.

Regardless of anything just pack this in. Do you really want this for yourself? Surely being by yourself is better than this?

Did he ask you to be his gf?

Despite what you think, you’re not in a relationship because 2 people have to agree to be in one. He says you’re his friend, so no, you’re not together.

pack this in and move on with your life

Why don’t you just ask him?

Have you asked him to clarify ?
Given that he’s previously treated you as a gf and even asked you to be his gf at the start ?

Communication is an issue with autism. Maybe he’s having difficulty telling you he wants to break up.

12 miles, did you really write 12 miles or did you mean 120 miles like someone else asked.

He’s dumped you by stealth, sorry.

I’d block and move on - he’s made it quite clear you’re not his priority.

You can do way better than this.
Get rid of him.

Move on. The way he treats you is cruel in my eyes- I mean really -he has down graded you from his girlfriend to 'a friend' . The fact he has autism is a red herring- my son is autistic and not the most demonstrative to be fair but wouldn't do this. Even though he does not 'get' emotion sometimes he can at least consider others feelings.
Don't ever stay in any relationship that makes you unhappy - just leave it and be grateful you are not living together/more enmeshed. Look for joy in life it's out there but you need to disregard a lot of bullshit

Has this coincided with him moving back into his parents house??