Partner shuts me out of his personal life

[AzureRobin]

Long term relationship of three years has always been dictated by partner's demands otherwise he goes silent and walks away for long periods of time. We don't live together.

The issue is that he does not want me to be involved in his daughter's life, he sees her twice a week. I allow him to be involved in my children's lives in terms of him coming to the house when they're here and just want the same in return. There is no issue with his ex not allowing this contact with me, it is purely that he does not want to share father-daughter time even to allow a movie night with his child and mine. He will not budge on this and would rather lose me than back down and treat me as a proper partner.

Am I right in thinking I have to walk away?

Whether Not mixing the families are odd or not isn’t the issue tbh.

The isdue is that, fur that to work, BOTH partners need to be happy with that.

And here the OP has a ‘DP’ who doesn’t want to mix when it comes to his family but expects the OP to play the happy family part with him because he wants more sex, family feel etc… than he’d get if they were doing things your way with no blending at all.

Basically wanting his cake and eat it.

Thats not an area where a pick and mix is going to work.

@Marblesbackagain Also means that if you want to have a go at someone, it’s the OP’s DP who is currently pushing to spend time with her when the dcs are around and isn’t happy to keep HER family separate from him….

Do calling out individuals who refer to your relationship status as inaccurate or odd is acceptable? Not to me and I will call them out. I don't need your permission. Honestly manners is rare around these parts.

Sorry for the odd.

But you can see that there is a possible middle ground between zero contact and full on blending of families, right?

Occasional social contact between families would not pose a risk of harm to children and more than mixing with a friend's family.

It's not actually unreasonable to think perhaps a group visit to the cinema or whatever couldn't be nice or achievable once in a while. My boyfriend occasionally has a cup of coffee and a chat in my house, like a family friend might.

I have this massive visceral reaction against ever giving my kids a "stepdad" for reasons in my own childhood, but I don't see that a complete disconnect is necessary.

*any

First of all, you should walk away for the reasons you listed to start with. Why do you think that will get any better the further your relationship progresses? If anything, his abuse will only ramp up.

regarding his daughter time, I don't think that in and of itself, is a huge issue. It sounds like he's prioritising his time with her (and rightly so) to never, ever introduce you to her through or even have a once in a blue moon movie night as you've suggested sounds like he isn't 100% about you.

I could be wrong and he's keeping things separate until you two are more serious, but the first sentence is too much of a red flag anyway to care about him and his daughter time.