Argument help

[happy44]

NC - Argh someone help me work this out!

BF of 3 years, recently moved in. Is abroad working right now. Everything recently up until this week has been amazing!

Message out of the blue asking me some details of an appointment I had mentioned. Basically he thinks I have misled him saying I was seeing a female friend practitioner and I've actually seen a male practitioner (who I have been going to for years!)

I 100% didn't lie / mislead him and he can't see past it!

I feel enraged and completely at loggerheads that he has got this in to his head and trying to hold me accountable to it!

I want an apology for him implying I'm lying! And he thinks I've intentionally misled him!

What’s wrong with seeing a male practitioner? He sounds nuts if that bothers him.

Agree completely

What kind of practitioner?

I wouldn’t even entertain the argument- does it matter whether it’s female or male?!? I’m assuming it’s in a professional setting not that you went out for dinner

Physio!!! Completely professional

It's hurting my brain how this argument has gone - it's so twisty and unnecessary. It's come completely out of the blue.

please don't dismiss this as a red flag, OP, he sounds very controlling.

This sort of controlling nonsense is a red flag - get rid of him. It will only get worse.

This.

Oh dear OP I think his true colours are coming out now that he's moved in. He's controlling and it's the start of a very slippery slope. Do not give ground. Don't change your physio. Boyfriend is waving red flags. I'd rethink this whole relationship.

He's moved in and started being controlling.

I'd be moving him right out again. Fuck that shit.

Tell you would be fine if he saw a female then dump him

If you have a few seconds list his good points

Yes he's being controlling. I say this as someone who missed a red flag like this early on in the relationship and things got worse (dangerous in fact).

You can see any medical professional you like - male or female, but he's convinced you that you 1) shouldn't see a male one, and 2) that you are a liar when you are not.

He is the type that will soon try to end any male relationships you have and accuse you of having affairs which will to him 'justify' his control over you.

It will get worse. Get rid of him.

Thank you so much for your replies! This is t the first time something like this has happened but it's not happened for a long long time and the argument gets so messy and picks apart every word that (I am pretty switched on and can hold my ground) even I lose my way and get very frustrated

Had an incredibly anxious night. Feel completely devastated as there is so much that's incredible about us together

I just so t get this

Thant meant to read I just don't get this

I'm so tired and anxious and I have a huge family weekend :(

Did he know you have a big family weekend planned?

often controlling men will ruin planned events to stop their partner ( victim) wanting to see friends and family next time to avoid a future argument

think back to the last fall out did it coincide with a friend or family event?

look after yourself and only yourself op

I genuinely don't think he would do that, he goes out of his way to celebrate events with me and gets along with all my family and friends! This type of event especially would be really awful if he tried to spoil that intentionally

I am so conflicted as to what's happening here :(

Thank you for your kind words x

"I am so conflicted as to what's happening here."

I think he's ramping up the abuse now that he's moved in. You're more commited and invested now you are sharing a home. It is not so easy to end the relationship when you live together. He thinks he's got the green light to control you.
He has started by making you answerable to him about your physio appointment.

What sort of person makes a fuss about this except a loon?

There's no reasonable explanation for his behaviour. It's just sheer cuntery.

Interesting that you've got big plans with family this weekend too.
He's nicely sabotaged that to ensure the focus is on him.

It's like they read a guide book.

So you pack up all his shit and tell him he is moving out when he gets back. Who you use for a physio is none of his business and this has happened before?! Big nope. Get rid now.

Ahhh the A Typical, causing an argument over nothing before you have a big event.

Red flags everywhere op. Abuse often ramps up when they move in, you are pregnant etc. don't ignore this

Just say "I will see my physio when I need to. You need to get a handle on your absurd jealousy and possessiveness." and don't get drawn into the rest of the obfuscating bullshit.

He's trying to turn his completely irrational and controlling behaviour into something you've done wrong. Don't fall for it.

You say this isn't the first time. You know this is likely to get worse, right?

I don't think it's coincidence that he's recently moved in that the behaviour is recurring.

I agree with this! I have a choice not to engage in this bullshit!

Phone getting left at home today and I am comfortable with my actions x

You will never receive an apology from him. These types do not ever admit to being wrong. He will also find a way of further punishing you for your actions.

You need to end this relationship because of his controlling behaviour being shown towards you. Controlling behaviour is abusive behaviour. He wanted your family weekend to become unstuck so manufactured an argument about your physio. Read "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft because your man is in those pages.

He wants to keep you in a cage of his own paranoid making. Free yourself from this man.

My first thought is that he's looking for a way out and has picked an argument for that reason.