His drinking habit bothers me

[ByTealUser]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 2 years. We are both 30.

His drinking bothers me.

When hes sober he's a lovely "normal" person

When he has a drink he gets very quiet, sits there in silence and doesn't make any conversation. The most I might get is a mutter which I can't understand.

Or he could go the other way and be nasty. Accusing me of flirting with other people. Bringing up old arguments we've had before. Brings up ex's which is irrelevant, none of my exs bother us. And name calling towards me.

He turn to drink if hes in a good mood and somthing good has happened in his life

He turns to drink if he feeling low/down

He also turns to drink when hes bored (he's recently lost his job) so every now and then will start drinking on a random Tuesday afternoon.

When he drinks and I'm not in his company he will either be constantly texting me gibberish and repeating himself over and over

Or I'll get no texts all night

Tonight is currently a night where I haven't heard from him since 5pm and I don't even know where he is

I really don't know what to do anymore

Every time he's sober and I bring up how I feel about it he tells me he really wants to stop drinking and how much he actually doesn't enjoy it (apparently)

We have a 6 month old baby together, I don't think I want this for mine and my babys future

Seriously? Leave or chuck him out.

Leave him

Better to break up now than raise your child under the same roof as someone with a drink problem.

Also better to break up now than teach your child that this is a healthy relationship dynamic.

You deserve more and so does your little one.

Sorry you're dealing with this especially with a new baby.

Tell him to stop drinking or he'll have to leave. I had a 5 year relationship with a man similar to this. It's exhausting and pointless.

If you can't handle your booze, just stop drinking.
Good luck to you

Yes they always seem to tell you what u want to hear when they are back sober

It never lasts

Did you know about his drinking before having a baby with him? You weren't together long before you did.

Doesn't sound like you live together at least so ending the relationship shouldn't be too difficult. Doubt he's a great father anyway.

He's what I call the playful dad.

I'm the one that does the shopping, cleaning, cooking, bath times, bedtimes, clothes washing etc

How much is he drinking? How often? Daily? Twice a week?

It doesn’t sound like he’s bringing much to the relationship?

This is what happens when you have a child with someone you barely know. Presumably you wouldn’t be with him if you didn’t have a child together?

It will either be beer or vodka. And he can drink alot! And I'd say twice a week this is happening

I'm 95% sure I wouldn't

Have you a support network if you decide to end the relationship?

If you wouldn't choose it for you who choose it for you and child? Do you live together? Hr either grows up and sobers up or he leaves. Give him a time limit and stick to it

Umm I have family but my family are all very distant, noone really checks in on anyone. And I have 1 or 2 friends but not close enough to unload all of this onto them

We don't live together no but he spend alot of time here.

Sometimes he trys to do his drinking here

ah ok so it’s binge drinking rather than alcoholism. It sounds like he needs a job? Can you put your efforts into helping him find a job that in turn gives him a purpose?
By the way, ignore those saying you had a baby too soon. Life happens, people have babies early in relationships and it doesn’t mean they are destined to fail. I met my DH in August 97. Our first child was born June 98. Do the maths! We are still together 26 years later.

Yes I would definitely agree it's binge drinking and not a bigger problem

I could help him with looking for a job, but I'm so busy doing basically everything myself. Even tho he is invovled in babya life, I do it all. The least he could do is find a job on his own. I always give advice tho but I haven't got the time to sit down and apply online with him

I'd say its twice a week that you know of - when he finds an excuse to hit it hard. But he's probably on a maintenance level in between. Otherwise he would be so desperate to try it with you and your baby.
Does he pay you any maintenance out of his unemployment benefits, or just spend it all on booze?

No I don't get anything when hes unemployed. He actually asks me if I will lend him money

@ByTealUser he gives you nothing but problems, please don’t give home any money - he’ll just literally piss it away. That’s your hard earned cash, for you and dc. He is apparently alcohol dependent but the good thing is at least he doesn’t live with you. ‘Binge drinking and not a bigger problem’ is worrying - you are ignoring a big problem right there. Who wants a drunk around the house especially with a baby? If you wouldn’t be with him if you didn’t have a baby, why does an innocent child mean you should be?

I use to lend him money but put a stop to thay a while ago, since having my daughter I'd say. It's her money not his

Sounds like you need to detach

You do know what to do. Your boyfriend has a drink problem. You have a 6 month old baby. You need to end the relationship.

Surely yet another goady post where expectation can only be, get rid of this Prince amongst men. If true, help your child not to make same mistakes, have respect for themselves and treat others how they would expect reciprocal behaviour. Sigh. Even if he has large appendage and able to breathe through his ears why would you continue to engage with him? Get formal child support (hah) and chuck.

ah ok so it’s binge drinking rather than alcoholism

Why differentiate? Alcoholics binge too. I don't think it's helpful to make it sound like less of an issue. He's got a drinking problem and OP needs to call time on the relationship. It's not going to get better.