Can you be friends with an ex?

[itiswhatitisxx]

Hi all 👋
What are everyone's views on being friends with an ex? My ex and i have been split for 2 and a half years, 10year relationship. No children.
Split was unexpected at time, was hurt and heartache but more to do with outside influence (exs family played a big part)
We are still friends. Spend time occasionally going for drinks or dinner (nothing more!!) will text and catch up. Still alot of love I think from us both but in a friendly way. He's still complimentary of me etc but in a nice way not a sexual. Moving forward into new relationships do you think new partner would not like this and we should cut all ties?

Thanks 😊

You definitely can be, as long as everyone has well and truly moved on, and it’s all very transparent. I’m friends with an ex, similar situation, maybe 4 year on off relationship, no children. I’ve been with Dh 16 years and he’s been with his wife a similar amount of time. Dh and I went to their wedding and I’m friends with his wife as well (probably talk to her more than him!) and they were invited to ours (couldn’t attend due to travel and having a new baby though).

We don’t meet up because we live in different countries now, but we keep up on social media, wish each other happy birthday, send condolences when a bereavement, that sort of ‘old school friend’ type friendship. He’s a nice guy, but I count my blessings that it didn’t work out. And there is zero interest there on either of our parts.

I like to think I pick decent blokes to go out with it just hasn't worked out. So I'm still friends with exes, a couple of which were long term, I have DC with one. It's like a fraternal relationship. And if a future boyfriend had an issue with this I wouldn't date them.

Like @Lotsofpots I've been to their wedding, their family weddings/funerals no issue with their new partners. Sounds like you have something similar.

I don't think you can if either of you starts dating. It's not fair in their partner.

The only way round would be to only message your ex in a group chat with her and only see him with her. So everyone knows nothings going on. Nothing behind her back. But even then it's unlikely to be appreciated by the new partner tbh who would be thinking WTAF 😳

I'm friends with nearly all my exes. And I'm bi, so I have exes of different genders, and none of my partners have had a problem with it.

I recognise that a significant proportion of people here don't believe you can have platonic friendships with anyone you might conceivably be sexually attracted to, especially if you used to date, but I think that's bollocks.

To me, if there isn't trust in a relationship, it's a non-starter anyway. Someone I've previously dated and then decided not to continue the relationship with is not in the least threatening to any current relationship, because we already know it doesn't work romantically/sexually.

So I reckon, yes, various people will have a problem with it, but that's fine, because in my world, those are the kinds of people I'd want to avoid dating in the first place, because they'd have very different views on what's appropriate and what trust in a relationship means to them, so we'd be incompatible anyway.

Green flags, surely. For either a good friendship or a rekindled relationship.

I think most people I know are friends with one or more exes. Last week I went to a friend and his fiancee's house for dinner, and one of the other guests was his ex.

People who would have a problem with this and think there's a blanket rule are the red flags, because they're showing an inability to understand that every ex relationship is different. Obviously if the split was acrimonious you wouldn't be friends with an ex. And if it was one-sided, and one party still holds a candle for the other, it's not a good idea to try to be friends.

But those aren't the defaults. Most people I know got into relationships because the other person had decent qualities. The relationships usually ended because they had different life goals, discovered they weren't compatible as a couple or just grew apart. The sexual and romantic feelings stopped, but they still basically thought the other person was good to have in their life.

I've always thought the ex should be the person you're least suspicious of. There's a reason they split up! Most sane people don't do on-off-on-off drama, once it's over it's over.

No reason why not. My ex and I are on good terms and see each other socially on occasion. Neither of us would have the slightest interest in rekindling anything.

A family member is good friends with two of hers but one lives in another country and another she doesn’t see much. The other two she doesn’t see because they ended acrimoniously.

I'm still friends with my ex husband. Know each other's families well. He does odd handyman jobs for my mum. When we've met at mum's, we're quite comfortable with having a cup of tea and natter. Both of our partners are fine with this.

It would be a huge red flag for me if a partner was so insecure they could not handle me being friends with an ex. I’m friends with a couple of exes and so is my husband. Never once have I felt insecure about their friendships and neither has he. If think he was utterly pathetic if he had an issue with me meeting with an ex for a drink/catch up.

I’m friends with an Ex. No weirdness from him when I got a new partner. No weirdness from me when he got a new partner ( though he didn’t tell me about her existence till they were getting married, which I did find weird).

Had two dc ( and was married to ) my ex .
We live 150+ miles away from each other so obviously catching up / seeing is unlikely . Divorced now 15 years and seen him twice at group family occasions . We don't speak .