What's the difference between finding someone attractive and a crush?

[kinsey681]

I don't know what the difference is. If you fancy someone, you fancy them right? Or can just acknowledge that someone is attractive but not fancy them? I don't quite understand when people say that.

Thoughts?

Did you never have a school girl crush?

Crushing on someone is often an obsession with someone that most of the time is unobtainable. Someone much older, a celebrity, a married man/woman etc.. You can't stop thinking about them, you want to know more about them, maybe look at their social media and imagine yourself with them, fantasize about them sexually etc.

Finding someone attractive is just that. You look at someone and think they are an attractive person but that is it. I have, many times, looked at a person and thought how good looking they were, both male and female, but the thought goes little further than that and I wouldn't want to sleep with them or anything.

Yes, this is it.

I tried to explain it on OPs other thread and struggled, but this boils it down to its simplest form.

Yes, it's this. Anyone can be attractive, a man, a woman, your friend, your Mum someone who is good looking but not your type. You don't want to shag those people usually.

Totally different thing - objectively, you can think someone is good looking but not want to sleep with them. I work with a few men who are conventionally very good-looking - I appreciate their good looks as a neutral observer but have zero sexual attraction towards them. If I have a crush on someone, I want to kiss them (and do more obviously!)

Yep- in the 90s I was mesmerised by Linda Evangelista and thought she had the most beautiful face I'd ever seen.

I didnt want to shag her though.

Yes, I meant sexually attracted. If you find someone of the opposite sex (if you're straight) romantically/sexually attractive, then is that not the same thing as having a crush on them?

I suppose you could walk past any fella on the street and think, crikey, he's fit. That is sexual attraction. For a crush I guess it would be more than a passing thing. Someone you get to know who you decide you fancy quite a bit, or maybe even a celebrity you admire and read/watch a lot of their stuff. Then there is also limerence which is a total infatuation.

There's definitely a difference for me.

I can appreciate that a make or a female is attractive.

I can find a man attractive without fancying him.

I think for me the difference would be that I would look at someone, think they were attractive and then that would be it, the thought wouldn't linger in my mind once they were out of sight. On the other hand if I fancied someone I'd find myself thinking about them again when they weren't there.

This is such an interesting discussion and it's made me reflect.

I have deep and intense crushes on people I work with. The weird thing is my crushes do not feel remotely sexual. Like we could be alone together, or sitting close, working on something and I feel absolutely nothing. It's pure chemistry I feel between us on a personality / intellectual level, where we get on really well, and that is where my crush begins. It's all in my head / a complete fantasy, and I have started to think it's a trick my brain plays to try and get free dopamine hits when they message me or when we have a really good work related conversation.

I'm not interested in them outside of the work context which is so weird when I think about it. Pretty sure my undiagnosed and uncontrolled ADHD / possibly autism has something to do with it. I am happily married and I also have a high sex drive but I rarely if ever feel sexually attracted to people. I have wondered if I am asexual.

I used to appreciate that David Beckam was a good looking guy, but I've never fancied him as I find his voice a turn-off.
Its purely noting that someone is good looking but not particularly attractive to you, and when out of sight, you don't give them a second thought. A crush gets much more headspace.
How come you don't know the difference OP?

I also think you only really have headspace for one crush at a time. There are loads of attractive men in the world, if I had an active crush on every person I thought was quite attractive, I don’t know how I’d ever get any work done.

No, because I can look at a woman and say yes she is attractive. I can see that she is attractive. However I don’t fancy her. Same with some men. You can feel nothing whilst noting they are an attractive person.

Crush is when you actually fancy them and feel butterflies and end up blushing.

This one is tricky I can see people that are ' atypically ' attractive but they aren't attractive to me I kinda associate crush with that magnetic pull I guess.

Not really. I think loads of celebrities sexually attractive but I’m not constantly thinking about them and finding myself losing track of time over it. A crush is a very intense feeling where you sort of obsess over someone in particular.

Attractive is an objective observation. I find other women attractive all the time. Attractive means someone carries themselves well and has pleasing features.

Crush is when they make you feel something. They don’t have to be attractive to be a crush. You just feel different when you’re near them and think about them, a lot, when you aren’t near them, and hope they notice you.

Have you ever had a crush on someone?

I think crush you have to know them somewhat.

I find Henry Cavill attractive but I've never met him.... So I couldn't have a crush on him, I think crush needs to be someone in your life.

A crush is when you think about them a lot with sexual and romantic feelings mixed in. I might find someone generically attractive or even sexually attractive in a fleeting moment but then not give them another thought.

Attraction for me is just "I get pleasure from looking at this person" and a crush is "I want to do things with this person".

There are many actors I could happily stare at all day but the thought of kissing them etc does nothing for me.

I’m glad you started this thread because there’s better explanations on here than I could give on your last one to explain the difference 🙂

Fanny flutters

I didn't know you could be asexual and have a high sex drive. I probably sound really ignorant here. No disrespect intended.

Or the equivalent for men

No. For example, I’m not a lesbian but I can appreciate an attractive woman when I see one, I don’t fancy her. I can acknowledge when someone has attractive features without wanting to shag them. If I have a crush and fancy someone, I want to shag them, think about them a lot and imagine scenarios in my head with them, want to spend time with them etc.

Saying someone is attractive, is purely an observation. Having a crush involves emotion.

eg. Lots of film stars are attractive, but it becomes a crush when you start fancying them.