I think my marriage is over

[Autumnleavesarefallingtotheground]

Two tiny children, and I did something a bit thoughtless (but well meaning) husband is furious and is barely speaking to me, the atmosphere is awful, he won’t help out, he left me to it alone last night with one child after the other waking up as both off colour so feel like a zombie this morning.

It feels so shit. We own a house together, we also have a property which used to be mine alone but we remortgaged together and is let out. And another rental property on top which is mine. I think I will just ask for the rental properties, this seems reasonable. If I sell both, I can buy a small house outright and not have to worry about a mortgage. I just feel so, so sorry for our children.

I don't like pets in the house and find it incredibly annoying when dh has brought pets home without asking me. Extra work extra responsibility extra mess drives me insane. You should definitely have asked.

But that's just the cat part. Not the relationship or abusive part. What did he do? Would he normally be helping with bedtime or is that as hoc?

Did you remember that he hated cats?

It's not really about cats here, it is about not respecting his opinion. And it is what he is pissed about. How did you expect him to react when you say 'oh well, the cat is with us for a couple of weeks, darling; my friend is obviously more important than you and your hate of cats'.

I am not saying that his reaction is adequate and not over the top, but the problem in your marriage is about lack of respect, probably from both sides. He just can't find the better way to express it.

He sounds like a horrible person, and I’ve experience of this, it doesn’t get better.

Make solid plans with legal advice, he will prove difficult over all money issues.

Its a given

he left me to it alone last night with one child after the other waking up as both off colour so feel like a zombie this morning.
Does this mean he walked out of the house for the night or just refused to help?

I’m barely tolerated. I’m not an equal partner.

before he got back I tidied and cleaned but there was something I missed at the bottom of the stairs, he starts saying there is ‘shit all over the floor’. I was really puzzled, no idea what he meant, cleaned it up but it’s that sort of thing I suppose, he said that because he was pissed off re the cat.
This is a relatively normal kind of thing to say when some people are pissed off. Lots of arguments contain this kind of statement. it's pretty standard stuff for people who've had experience of life.

What on earth's wrong with people? None of this is reason to divorce making two little children distressed and taking their whole stability away.

Sure it's reasons to have discussions but divorce and calling the husband various names? The people advising divorce sound unbalanced and unstable themselves. I wonder if they all divorced for such reasons.

Women's aid should be whom you call for advice.
They are your starting point.

I’m not calling him names - I am not wanting a pile on. I posted because I was sad; I still am. I did have around two hours sleep last night so I recognise I may not be rational but at the moment am struggling to see a way forward.

There is much more going on for you here, the cat as you say is just covering for the other issues that are now becoming more prominent. Whether he is angry with you or not, that does not give him the right to remove himself from caring for your children - that is twatish and childish behaviour. I don’t much care for the silence treatment either okay you agreed to have a cat for a few weeks, and he hates cats - well he has a grown up conversation with you (like adults) and explains his viewpoint! Silence is harmful, destructive and distressing not only for you but for those in your household.

Yes you should have asked his view on taking the cat - but equally his response is nasty and is impacting on the children. Of he cannot see or accept that then that would cause me to review the relationship and my role and worth within it. Does he always behave like this when something happens he doesn’t like?

@Autumnleavesarefallingtotheground
I didn't mean you calling him names but just about every other poster.I understand you feeling as you do, I would be very upset and angry as well but I just think your description of the situation does not warrant the breaking up of a family with two little children at this stage.

I really hope that doesn’t happen. I’m hoping to talk to him later, unfortunately we’re at a bonfire display.

If he hates cats, why offer to look after one? 🤷‍♀️. Thoughtless at best.

But, it shouldn't be a marriage breaker. Apologise and move on. 🙂

Hating cats is a good reason to dump the guy. Or never getting with him in the first place.

You will find that the cat is much better company than this sulky man . Good luck x