My boyfriends adhd is becoming a problem

[ForPeachNewt]

Hi, I'm 30. My partner is also 30, we have a 10 month old baby together. We do not live together, I have my own home with the baby.

So I'm going to give a few examples of why his adhd is starting to bother me, and these are also reasons why I really am not ready for him to live with me.

Always in and our of jobs (9/10 its his fault he loses the job due to his attitude/answering back)

Absolutley terrible with money management. He could have £50 to last him 3 week and he will spend it down the pub.. or even taking the baby and me and for food or something that we didn't HAVE to do (also I don't know it's his last 50 when I agree to go out)

Tells me he's bored over and over

If he has a day off work expects to tag along with my plans, coffee dates/soft play with the kids.

Has all these big ideas that never happen.

Gets into small debts because of his amazing ideas but not amazing amount of funds

Constantly rushes me when I'm getting ready because he doesn't like sitting around waiting. I never get to really doll myself up because im walking on eggs shells trying to get ready asap

Starts huffing and muttering under his breath when we have go to wait anywhere (restaurants etc)

Insists on tagging along to shops with me but makes it so un-enjoyable because he clearly wants to get out of there

These are just a few examples of his behaviour

I'm really struggling with it and more so since having a baby, I feel like I have 2 children. The one I expect to cater for but not my boyfriend.

It's also starting to really turn me off him. He's also needy and clingy at the same time.im just starting to look at him differently.. like he's not man enough for me anymore

What do I do guys how do I go about this, because as it is now I can't ever see me wanting him to move in or progress onto marriage etc with him

Exactly this. ^ Personally, I couldn't live with someone like this.

She got several pages of replies, it’s worth asking what advice she took, and if none why not. Did she have a conversation with him following the last post, has something happened since that has annoyed her again? It would be much more beneficial for OP to dive into that side of things and pick apart her thoughts/feelings, rather than pretend to be someone else.

I would like to point out that his personality is not his adhd. He's using that as en excuse to hide behind.

I do find things difficult unmedicated. But I've held down a full time job for 20 years. I pay my bills on time and never missed one. I use my phone calendar to keep me organised. I could list all the things I do to take responsibility for myself (diagnosed last year) just like any other man. If he wanted to then he would.

It takes him as a person to be responsible for his disability. None of what is describe is anything like most people with ADHD so that means unfortunately this is just him and he doesn't give a shit. He clearly just thinks about himself.

You'd be better off alone.

I have ADHD and I couldn't live with him either. This is entirely on him, not his condition. He's using it to get away with being a dickhead.

I meant to say like any other man, if he wanted to then he would make it happen. I cannot edit the post.

Why did he stop taking medication? Regardless, if he wants his relationships to be healthy and successful, he must take medication.

That is not for you to decide. People cope how they cope.

Try to see through the lens of the other, your partner. What must they feel like not handling their emotions so often that is translates into patterns of a crumbling lifestyle? Their work life, home life, relationships, finances are affected. This is made possible by their emotional state. Can this allow you to have compassion for your partner? If so, may you help them find ways to solve for their emotional anguish? (I've energetically channeled this answer because it's what I do. I hope it supports you.)

If you can do this, it may benefit them more than you can imagine when emotions are typically the last thing someone is urged to fix. But emotions must be transmuted. This is the only way into sustainable mental and physical wellbeing.

As with any relationship, it is up to you what you will want to do from the point that you allowed yourself to support the other. If at that point you still feel the relationship is not supporting your emotional and physical well being, then it likely will not support your child you have together. Remember, when all else is off balance, look to the emotions to guide you to all solutions first by asking what they’re telling you and then seeking to transmute them.

I am offended as someone with ADHD that simple dickhead behaviour is apparently ADHD

If he's non compliant with his meds, then he's shooting himself in the foot. Unfortunately you've lost all desire to be with him, so it's best to let him go. He might have ADHD, but it's not on you to manage that for him. I have ADHD so I know what unmedicated ADHD looks like, and it's only going to get worse I'm afraid.

Unmedicated ADHD can very much look like dickhead behaviour. I'm also ADHD. He's what it looks like when it's unmedicated, in men at least.

Hear hear 👍

My mum does - but she has a partner with autism who knows the absolute bones of her, and they both work together to keep everything wonderful. They do EVERYTHING together.