Told him to go sleep in the other room. Sulky childish prick.

[Justanotherusername27]

My OH when he drinks 9/10 times he’s absolutely fine. Fun to be around etc but on that one occasion he’s absolutely vile.

on a family holiday with my dad. Him and my dad have made their way through god knows how many beers. He’s come to bed, I’ve come a bit after and we said we would have sex. Instead of being romantic or sweet he’s done something really gross and called me something derogatory (I’m assuming to get me in the mood? Thick twat). I’ve got grossed out and said I don’t want to have sex with you when you’re being like that. He’s said okay night love you and rolled over. I’ve asked to talk about it for him to get what I’m saying and make sure we’re okay before we go to sleep. I know I should probably of left it most most of the time he’s receptive, we talk about it and move on. However - Switch flipped

he’s brought up old arguments, said I’m dragging stuff on, told me ‘off to sleep, bored of listening to you’. Kept saying night. Night. When I’m talking. Sighed and said ‘sorry’ and I asked what for and he said he doesn’t know or care. He’s not listening. He’s called me boring. I asked him to stop turning his back to me and talk to me properly so we can fix this, he’s then called me controlling. Called me emotional and saying I’m emotionally blackmailing him ?(was calm the whole way through, didn’t cry or raise my voice, I just said it’s not fair on him to shut down when I’m trying to communicate) Ive tried to speak nicely, tried to just get him to see why I don’t get turned on by that and he’s just got nastier and nastier to a point where I’ve told him to go sleep on the sofa (don’t know about anyone else but I struggle to sleep next to someone who has just ripped into me for trying to talk to them?!) cause he’s drunk and acting like a child to a point where he’s now saying he’s done with me, I’m a phsychopath and I ruin everything.

I just wanted a place to vent and laugh at his absolute stupidity. He’s drunk and being a cock and I’m stuck with this sulky loony for the next week. Please help me stay in a mood with him tomorrow cause I know I’ll just want to fix it for everyone’s sake and he will sulk and try make me suffer tomorrow cause I made him sleep on the sofa. Please anyone who deals with stupid sulky boyfriends help me out. Don’t worry I’m well aware it’s another nail in the coffin for his stupid self!

Wow. What a CATCH.

I'd throw that one back, with a do not return label just in case he washes up on someone else's doorstep. What a complete arse.

So he’s made the wrong approach to sex, you’ve said no, he was fine said I love you and went to sleep.

what’s the problem? Why all the drama? He’s pissed and tired, and you’ve woke him up to discuss something he doesn’t have an issue with?

dh does this to me sometimes. Talks and talks at me and will not back off. Even when I point blank say I’m tired, this is not important and I need sleep, so just stop. I absolutely hate it and have to really stop myself from escalating it by joining in and responding which just ends up a massive row.. He has adhd though and just can’t not say what’s in his brain.

unless what he said/did was so gross it’s a dealbreaker then it seems like a row over nothing.

Oh love, you can’t reason or ‘talk properly’ with someone who’s drunk. Stop trying. Leave it for tonight and see how things are in the morning.

He might not have an issue with it but I do (I’ve also asked him not to do it previously) and if the shoe was on the other foot id listen and try understand then apologise and give him a hug then go to sleep. A 2 minute conversation could have avoided this. And even if me bringing it up was wrong it doesn’t need to escalate to him calling me names

Yeah you are probably right and I’m calming down now. I just can’t be bothered with the atmosphere when we’re stuck together for the next 7 days in the arse end of nowhere

It probably should have ended with him rolling over and going to sleep.

You told him you didn't want sex with him when he was being like that. He said ok, love you night.

why did you poke the bear. I understand you were bothered by what he said/ did, but that wasn't the time to discuss it.

what he did/said after that was horrible, but you know he's a twat sometimes when he's been drinking, so why not just go to sleep & not poke the bear??

I’m not saying you’re wrong but why? When we sleep he usually holds me and is cute and romantic. As soon as I said I don’t like when you do that, it doesn’t turn me on or make me want to have sex, he just sighed to himself, rolled over and said night love you. And the thing he did was really grim. Something gross teenage boys do to one another. Not to your partner when you’re in your 30s.

Also I’m not arguing back I may be 100% in the wrong here I just don’t understand. I thought it was a 2 min convo to just agree on and go to sleep

Yes it would be a two minute conversation with a sober person but he is so drunk right now, all reasoning goes out of the window.

You can't reason with a pissed person, just let him sleep it off and talk tomorrow, calmly.

(Is there a particular drink that sets him off, my ex was a hilarious happy drunk most of the time but whisky seemed to cause a possessed by the devil affect)

Because if he's been drinking that much it's safer for him to sleep on his side, and you certainly don't want him throwing up on you or breathing horrible booze breath in your face all night.

It’s beer! I’m not sure if it’s a particular brand but it’s so weird when he has it sometimes he just turns into a bellend. When he was leaving the room I literally said to him there’s a blanket by the chair and take the pillows so you sleep okay and he’s in such a state to prove to me I’m awful he’s sleeping in his shorts and T-shirt on a cold leather sofa in the UK in October? It’s beer. I am calmer now and I should have just left it I get that I just wanted us to have a quick chat, a cuddle and go to sleep. The whole thing is so daft. However, he threw the book at me with nasty stuff which he absolutely won’t apologise for sober or not that’s what’s bothering more than the weird sexual advances!

Under no circumstances do you talk first in the morning. Let him think about why he's woken where he is. If he asks (feigning amnesia) be sure to be direct!

Just out of a DA relationship btw..... he didn't like it when I remembered who the fuck I was!!!

I think you made an unfortunate situation a whole lot worse really. He let his hair down on holiday with your own father and put you off wanting sex, but was totally fine and wanted to go to sleep.
I don't think it's then fine for you to insist on talking it out there and then, there really is no point with someone drunk. Anyone would end up getting annoyed about being stopped from going to sleep, by someone wanting to have it out with them. You failed to read the room, and it became about him being forced to listen to you. What were you so annoyed about that you had to get it out there and then? That he was drunk? Or that if it was the other 9 x out of 10, rather than the 1 out of 10, he'd of not been gross and sex would of happened?
It looks like he accepted no sex more graciously than you did really.

Haven't read beyond some/ most of op
Aye, AYE.
Twatty. Keep him doll.
Gotta lookit how you handled it tho... Ratarsed (him) you consent to sex.HE. Displays even ratarrsdier behaviour. N you reject
Fair.
Now expect open, resolveable discussion.
Don't EVER "put up" with shite... Shut it down,back when(you both) ready.
Keep go this stage only gony get outta hand,cause crap.shit still shit in morning,pick not just your battles

..also..when to have them

To be honest no matter what he did or said before, you sound fucking terrible.

If my husband kept pestering and demanding an explanation when I just wanted to sleep (drunk or sober) I would be really pissed off that instead of listening to me and letting it cool down he insisted on picking at it til it blew up into an arguement. Especially if he then tried to blame it on me.

There's no nice way to say "go to sleep and leave me alone" but he did a pretty good job of saying it more nicely than I would have. All the outcomes in this situation were bad, what did you hope to get? Him talking to you? Why? Why couldn't it wait til tomorrow?

Even if you had said your 2 minute piece the chances are he wouldn't have remembered in the morning. Or would have forgotten the next time he has too much beer. He's an arse but you have made a massive drama out of nothing.

Oof, sorry OP - I agree with PP.

Trying to get a drunk person listen while you explain and discuss your feelings is completely unreasonable. He’s drunk and on holiday, he was up for sex and a sleep - it doesn’t sound as if he was in any fit state for a deep conversation about your needs.

He wasn’t huffy, and accepted your refusal without an issue - this really wasn’t the moment to “spend two minutes” lecturing him about why his actions were such a turn off. You really should have let him go to sleep - now there’s going to an unnecessary atmosphere in the morning, and it’s all just a bit silly.

Completely fine to expect him to listen to you explain your needs - but not at that moment. Your insistence on discussing everything in that minute would have wound me up too. And in all honesty, the more you insisted that l listen right there and then, the less I would have been inclined to do so. Sorry.

The only other thing I picked up was you saying that he’s done this “thing” before and knows you don’t like it. When he’s sober and you’re on better terms, I think it’s worth asking why he keeps doing something you’ve told him that you don’t like. That’s not on at all. It doesn’t matter what the “thing” is - if you’ve explained you don’t like it before, he shouldn’t be doing it no matter how drunk he is.

It completely depends on what it was that he did. Without knowing that it’s hard to say, and you’ll keep getting responses like the ones above.

Yet another thread where pp are piling onto OP and telling her she is unreasonable!
Getting drunk and behaving in a gross way to your DW is not acceptable. Trying to do sex stuff that OP has previously told him she doesn't like is not acceptable.
Why should OP be getting it in the neck for trying to talk to her DH? Talking is normal civilised behaviour. Being too drunk to talk is not.
Perfectly reasonable for you OP refuse to have him in your bed. Drunks are unpleasant , and repulsive. I don't know why being on holiday is supposed to make being drunk somehow acceptable.

I think you should be having a serious talk with him in the morning about his drinking. If he doesn't moderate it in future I would be considering whether I wanted to stay with such a man.

I agree that it was pointless trying to reason with someone really drunk. It would have been far better to let him sleep it off, then have a chat in the morning. Have a chat with him in the morning when he might be more receptive. Hopefully the sour atmosphere doesn’t ruin the holiday.

Wow some of the responses. After being told no and the Op trying downplay a known boundary he then launches into the past and being verbally/emotionally abusive......

But the OP is at fault.....if he can have a coherent conversation about the past because the OP won't cooperate, he's not that pissed. Even if he was, his behaviour is unacceptable end of.

When you say it's something gross that teenage boys do to each other was it something like a wet finger in the ear or was it something that involved your genital area like giving you a wedgie?

Huh?