Ghosted after mentioning Funeral...

Notsurewhatodohere · 2024-10-27T00:17:59+00:00

I connected with a man on a dating App recently, it was very early days but going well, lots of fun banter and messaged, he looked to be very much my type and we seemed to have plenty in common. I let him know I was going to be away for a week and would check in when I got back from the trip, he suggested a date idea for my return and I agreed. When I got back he seemed happy and was still fun and flirty but after I mentioned that my trip had been for a funeral he disappeared immediately, We were messaging every day but I haven’t heard from him for 3 days. All I said was, “The trip was heavy (funeral) but it went as well as it could have.” Which I thought was quite minimal. Then I followed up with something lighter about the weather but the mention of a funeral seems to have scared him off... I have to admit I was really looking forward to meeting him so am quite disappointed. I’m assuming that he’s gone for good. Do you think I should block him or just leave things open in case he resurfaces? It seems he’s basically telling me he’s not up for offering any kind of emotional support to someone that he’s minimally invested in. Is that about right? I would have been more than happy with “I’m sorry for your loss”. Thanks!

FruityShampoo · 27/10/2024 01:40

Sounds about right. Even if you weren’t looking for emotional support, it seems cold to act in that way. Block and move on.

User100000000000 · 27/10/2024 01:52

Some men are extreeeeemely touchy on OLD. Was chatting to a guy once for weeks and the second I very casually mentioned that I'd sprained my ankle, he started acting weird. So I straight out asked him if me answering his question as to why I hadn't gone to the place I was planning to go to (because I sprained my ankle) had put him off, he said "I'm afraid so"

🤨

I've also had one asking me (after several weeks of chatting) why I'm telling him "such personal details" to him when I "barely knew" him, after I'd shared that I was a excited for a job interview, despite not even sharing the type of job nor industry, let alone where it was! 🤨

It's really odd. The mystery as to why these types are single, deepens.....

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/10/2024 03:10

My daughter had one like this on OLD, she said that she was getting ready to go away for her friends birthday so wouldnt message much while she was away and he said that he didnt "do drama" and unfriended her (or whatever it is you do on OLD). This was 5 years ago and to this day neither of us can work out what drama is involved in a friends birthday. Personally I think it may actually have been that she made it clear she had a life and wasnt so desperate that she would bin off her friends and do what he wanted just to have a boyfriend.

They dont want real women, they want living breathing sex dolls who never argue, never ask anything from them and never express an opinion or need.

Stepford wives in other words.

GreyCarpet · 27/10/2024 06:00

PyongyangKipperbang

You've summed it up.

To some men, esp the men who find themselves OLD long term, don't like women to have inner lives or worlds or anything else going on.

They expect women to be empty vessels concerned only with being a good girlfriend to them and perceive anything outside of that to be drama.

I mean, going back to a pp, how could you actually be put off someone because they sprained their ankle??

PermanentTemporary · 27/10/2024 06:19

I know that when I was coming to the end of a long patch of casual dating, that I was almost looking for reasons not to continue a connection with someone. The smallest thing could put me off.

Alternatively yes I think any suggestion that they might have to wait a little bit or compromise even slightly for someone is too much. Especially if they're essentially using OLD as a fantasy sex-chat rather than dating.

BlueCupOrangeCup · 27/10/2024 06:40

I'd say it's just coincidence OP. He was probably going to drop the chat anyway or he's got distracted by something or someone else. C'est la vie 🤷🏼‍♀️

Same with the sprained ankle one. My guess is he was cooling off anyway and just went "errr yeah whatever that's the reason" when asked the question.

sussexlife · 27/10/2024 07:34

I had this message once. It felt like he mentioned it to shut the conversation down so I left it there. If he'd asked me a question back it might have been different. I also felt it put a downer on the very early conversation and was quite a personal thing to tell a stranger. We all have different opinions on it though. Others might say he was sharing something personal in order to connect.

LakelandDreams · 27/10/2024 07:38

sussexlife · 27/10/2024 07:34

I had this message once. It felt like he mentioned it to shut the conversation down so I left it there. If he'd asked me a question back it might have been different. I also felt it put a downer on the very early conversation and was quite a personal thing to tell a stranger. We all have different opinions on it though. Others might say he was sharing something personal in order to connect.

He told you a friend had passed away and you ghosted him? No 'really sorry to hear that'. Wow.

Pumpkincozynights · 27/10/2024 07:41

Lots of men are fickle.
They listen to the likes of Andrew Tate and have very poor conversation skills.
They want something to have sex with and someone who will just sit and listen to them and how wonderful they are. They are not interested in women as people, they don’t value women at all.

AnOldCynic · 27/10/2024 07:49

@sussexlife Christ, that bloke dodged a bullet. You literally didn't respond?

sussexlife · 27/10/2024 07:50

To Lakeland dreams,

I didn't ghost him. I replied along those lines. But all I got back was 'drinks went well'. So I think I was right that he was using it to make the conversation awkward and close it down.

category12 · 27/10/2024 07:53

Oh well, at least Sussexlife's response explains it. More information than wanted and a downer.

I guess it's part of the "sweet shop" side of online dating.

LakelandDreams · 27/10/2024 08:04

sussexlife · 27/10/2024 07:50

To Lakeland dreams,

I didn't ghost him. I replied along those lines. But all I got back was 'drinks went well'. So I think I was right that he was using it to make the conversation awkward and close it down.

I think you were unkind. However, I think the previous poster is right. You didn't want the downer and were doing the sweet shop approach. Poor bloke.

EmeraldRoulette · 27/10/2024 12:50

@sussexlife bit confused
you replied saying that you thought he was being a downer? Apologies if I misunderstood.

sussexlife · 27/10/2024 14:23

EmeraldRoulette · 27/10/2024 12:50

@sussexlife bit confused
you replied saying that you thought he was being a downer? Apologies if I misunderstood.

Hi, no, I replied giving condolences and asking how he was.
I just felt it was a bit intense for him to share something like that after we'd only exchanged a few messages. We'd only matched the day before. So I felt like he was trying to shut the conversation down.

Different circumstance from the OP, where they'd spoken for a while, had common ground and a commitment to meet.

Jaehee · 27/10/2024 14:24

LakelandDreams · 27/10/2024 08:04

I think you were unkind. However, I think the previous poster is right. You didn't want the downer and were doing the sweet shop approach. Poor bloke.

Show quote history

I don’t think she was unkind. He’s a stranger she’d exchanged a few messages with on OLD. I wouldn’t know what to say to that beyond ‘sorry to hear that’ and personally that level of sharing so early on in an OLD conversation would make me a feel a bit nervous. She didn’t owe him anything.

TwistedWonder · 27/10/2024 14:29

There’s a lot of flaky people on OLD who unmatch for almost no reason.

I recently matched with someone. We messaged for a week and would have met but I was going on holiday so we agreed a date when I got back. Even on holiday he messaged every day asking how it was.

The day j got home we massaged then next day he asked are we still on for Saturday and I said yes. We both said we’re looking forward to it.
Next morning he messaged saying morning have a great day. I replied in kind then nothing. I messaged later that day just general chat and no reply - this was 48 hours before our date after 2/3 weeks chatting daily .

AgileGreenSeal · 27/10/2024 14:36

GreyCarpet · 27/10/2024 06:00

PyongyangKipperbang

You've summed it up.

To some men, esp the men who find themselves OLD long term, don't like women to have inner lives or worlds or anything else going on.

They expect women to be empty vessels concerned only with being a good girlfriend to them and perceive anything outside of that to be drama.

I mean, going back to a pp, how could you actually be put off someone because they sprained their ankle??

There’s a personality type that can’t cope with anyone being unwell near them. If you are they will punish you for it. Pp might have dodged a bullet there!

BigNosed · 27/10/2024 14:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HalloweenHaribo · 27/10/2024 14:40

Sounds like a coincidence to me.

Online dating can be brutal and perhaps he had what he thought was a better offer?

I'd bin him and carry on looking OP.

Christwosheds · 27/10/2024 14:42

User100000000000 · 27/10/2024 01:52

Some men are extreeeeemely touchy on OLD. Was chatting to a guy once for weeks and the second I very casually mentioned that I'd sprained my ankle, he started acting weird. So I straight out asked him if me answering his question as to why I hadn't gone to the place I was planning to go to (because I sprained my ankle) had put him off, he said "I'm afraid so"

🤨

I've also had one asking me (after several weeks of chatting) why I'm telling him "such personal details" to him when I "barely knew" him, after I'd shared that I was a excited for a job interview, despite not even sharing the type of job nor industry, let alone where it was! 🤨

It's really odd. The mystery as to why these types are single, deepens.....

There’s a man on Instagram who turns this sort of chat into songs. There’s a hilarious one where the man takes instant offence at being asked what he does for work .

JenniferBooth · 27/10/2024 14:45

He is looking for a fair weather FWB @Notsurewhatodohere

honeylulu · 27/10/2024 15:32

Some men are so fixated on their no drama/ no high maintenance mantra that they fall to notice that this causes them to have an adverse reaction to a huge variety of innocuous comments which come up in normal conversation.

When much younger i briefly dated someone like this. If i shared something negative (like referring to a bereavement or even feeling a bit unwell with a cold) it would be "i dont need this bringing me down". If I was happy and enthusiastic about something it would be "you don't have to go on about it". I felt like I was walking on eggshells and became much quieter and careful to choose neutral topics only to be told that was "boring". When i snapped back that perhaps he'd like to tell me what his approved topics of conversation were he declared i was "too moody". As you can imagine I quickly had enough and said I couldn't see the point seeing each other again. Bizarrely he seemed gutted although his main reaction was that I must have met someone else, rather than that I might have simply found him a self important and dull pain in the arse.

thursdaymurderclub · 27/10/2024 15:35

what does OLD mean? and on a separate note, i was dating a man whom i met while on long term sick from work and he very honestly said to me that he didn't want a relationship with someone who was potentially going to be ill for life! i did think it was a bit of an over-reaction especially from a man who at 40 was still living with his mother and i was only off sick for what turned out to be migraines! but cest la vie

EggandStress · 27/10/2024 15:56

thursdaymurderclub · 27/10/2024 15:35

what does OLD mean? and on a separate note, i was dating a man whom i met while on long term sick from work and he very honestly said to me that he didn't want a relationship with someone who was potentially going to be ill for life! i did think it was a bit of an over-reaction especially from a man who at 40 was still living with his mother and i was only off sick for what turned out to be migraines! but cest la vie

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