I don't get it... Online Date

[Onlinedaterubbish]

Me (34) and my online date (37) met last weekend after a week of chatting on app and arranging to meet for a date after he asked me out. It wasn't the best date in the world, but it was pleasant and he was pleasant and I hoped I'd see him again and it would be less awkward next time. It started a bit awkward as most meetings between strangers do, but we had a some good chat and a laugh at times.

At ten o'clock, I said we should be getting off as we both had work the following day so we left the pub. Hugged each other goodbye and wished each other well for getting back safe.

He text me an hour later saying 'Thanks for a lovely evening, I had a great time! I thought you looked incredible btw' which I thought was nice. I responded and said it had been nice and had been good to meet him too.

A few back and forth messages about our journeys home then I said I was heading to bed and Goodnight.

That was nearly a week ago, and I didn't hear from him again.

Why did he text me at all after the date if he wasn't interested? And more, why did he bother to say I 'looked incredible' with a heart eyes emoji, when his behaviour since suggests he didn't feel that way after all? He wasn't that taken with me or have such a great time, if he didn't bother to text me ever again?

His online profile states he wants to find a long term relationship.

Bit disheartened as in mid thirties and still can't meet anybody.

Dont get disheartened. Just try to grow a thick skin and dont take these situations personally. Its hard, and its definitely not for faint hearted, but people do find partners on OLD, it does work!

9 dates in a year is nothing )) when I was doing it I had a date pretty much every day, for a good few month - until I got completely bored. I never met anyone who I wanted to be with, and I'm really, really not picky. But I know a few girls who found someone nice!

In the end, I had a relationship with someone I met IRL, by accident. It did not work but he was much nicer than anyone I met online!

I'm afraid it looks like he's now onto another woman and he's left things open with you, to give himself more options.

Unhelpful comment.

@Onlinedaterubbish my best friend and big cousin both met their husbands via online dating. It was by no way a simple smooth process and took more than 9 first dates! My BF gave up a few times along the way. Big cousin is married and has a 5 year old and my best friend is married and due in December. There is hope but I would be saying id rather it be the way it has been than waste time with the wrong ones.

Men can be very confusing, so chalk it up to experience and do not take it personally. I've had men ghost me after truly amazing dates where they've behaved like love sick puppies.

Well said @longtimelurkerr.

I think the way to go, but what do I know, haven't even done OLD prefer to meet organically, is just to take it as another "interview" as for a job, you either get exercised or think "Mwah".

And some people "act a role" during meetings.

The bottom line OP is he is not "your type".

NEXT! 😅

It may not be another woman

let’s stop saying this

it could be other reasons

@longtimelurkerr Yes. It could be that he's not that bothered but doesn't want to draw a clear line, so he can leave his options open.

I do think it’s unusual to have 9 first dates and no second dates. (I have done online dating myself. The first person I ever met I was with for years.) Would you have gone out with them again op if they had asked you?

From what you have said, there is no obvious reason for it. And if a guy said you looked incredible, well that’s a plus. I used to get called ‘lovely’ but not ‘incredible!’

I have had 2nd dates. And I even had a third and fourth with one guy, but he wasn't really for me despite me thinking he was nice, just not for me.

I only counted the 9 first dates as that is 9 new men this year I have met where things haven't worked out.

The guy has actually reached out today, after a week!! Just apologising for not being in touch and asking me a few questions and about how my week has been. However, due to the fact I've been left feeling confused and upset about dating this last week because of his lack of contact, I don't intend to see him and again and will just wish him well.

You say you're going to bed because you are, he hears you're ending the conversation, I'd message him as you wouldn't have posted this if you weren't still a bit interested. Don't play games.

Why don’t you see him again? You said you wanted to.

This. You're potentially cutting your nose off to spite your face here.

This happens a lot and I have no idea why they do it tbh.

a date going well doesn’t indicate anything really and nor do compliments etc. All needs to be taken with a huge pinch of salt.

Wow this thread has a lot of deleted messages 😳

Posted on wrong thread sorry

OP- please ignore the women on here who are saying you are "too" selective. Jesus Christ it gets my back up. The biggest investment you will ever make is the partner you commit to for life; so set your standards HIGH. A man's live is immeasurably improved when married or in a LT relationship- and a woman's life is usually worse. So do not lower your standards or your boundaries. Be intentional.

Men like this trout of a man you dated, usually mean things 'in the moment' but typically lack emotional intelligence or foresight. He did mean you looked beautiful, because you did. But like many men, he didn't think that would impact you because of said lack of foresight and low eq. So, block him and move on.

And you know what? so what if you swipe left on 99% of the men? So what if you have 3 dates in 12 months? Do not ever dim or lower your standards. You only need 1 partner; the right one. Don't accept dates because it's been a while or time is ticking.

I really don't see why you're confused or upset. It was a lacklustre date on both sides. He's got in touch without much urgency. If you want another date, yo u have the opportunity.

Did he say why he'd gone quiet?

If I'm honest none of my relationships or good flings have started without enthusiasm but could be worth a second date just to see

I had a lot more than 9 dates before meeting my DP who is 'soulmate' material (so to speak) so don't worry about numbers. Better to keep going and take breaks. I think you're on the right lines if you're getting on well and having a few dates but they're not quite right.

I'd do a second date but make it clear you weren't impressed not to hear from him for a week...lightheartedly though.

I met DH OLD, and had more than 9 first dates before meeting him! Don't give up yet! X

When you are interested make it clear and then it’s up to the other party and this is regardless of your biological sex.

With Mr Strawberry I said at the end of the date (walk and cup of tea) well that was nice you are normal and I’d like to see you again. we hugged and he texted and I replied and so on and if he didn’t reply I would have left it - some people want to be wanted, some want the thrill of the chase, but if you want to go for a relationship all you can do is say so and then it’s up to them. Don’t chase - give them an out.

I was going on plenty of dates by our second date I liked him and he deleted his profile (online) and I deleted mine two dates later. I later found out he had dated someone on the Thursday (date 1) and me Saturday and phoned her Sunday and told her he’d met someone else. I was chatting to about 5 guys and messaged them all to say look I’ve had two dates with someone but I really like him so I’m going to go for it. We didn’t have the conversation about being exclusive until date 4.

just move on - words are words, actions are actions

Leave this one.

He’s not that interested.

Yes don't see him again, you're an option to him. Be strong and wish him well, show him the consequences of this and that women aren't waiting around for him doing the pick me dance.