DATE NO SPARK

[QueenMegan]

Have been on line dating for three months and spoken deleted whst feels like so many creeps liers and losers.
Had a date yesterday with a perfectly nice if not bland man should I give another chance or if there's no immediate attraction don't bother. I sound horrible but I'm in my 50s how realistic is thst anyway...chemistry is usually bloody lust.
What's your view be as honest as you like.😆

Would hate for a woman to get with me and not feel that lust. Is important part of a relationship, and if you felt I was bland I would rather you be honest but kindly in telling me. It would be cruel to keep pushing forward without that honesty and wasting time for you both if it isn't making you happy.

It depends on a lot of factors.

Im a slow burn so I don’t really get an instant attraction but there’s usually enough of a connect to know if there’s any potential or not.

So in your shoes I would see if it was a definite no or a definite maybe and go from there.

If it's like that at the beginning, imagine 5 years down the line.

Your future you will thank you for not settling for someone bland.

I think if they guy is decent, you have good chat and things in common then it's worth more than one date. I recently met a guy who would've made an excellent boyfriend, I didn't immediately feel any spark though but we did have a connection. I gave it a go but 3 dates in I accepted that I didn't fancy him and wouldn't ever so I stopped it then, but I'm glad I gave it a go as we had 3 perfectly nice dates

@Lovelynames123 agree here, perhaps i was a bit harsh, but try a second or third date, but make it clear you feel it is missing a spark and he can make his decision around that too.

Have another date. I ended up marrying the guy who told me he wasn’t feeling a spark

Yep. I didn’t see my ex h as anything g more than a mate to start with and we ended up together for 25 years

Oh geez. How many of these 'no spark' threads have there been lately?!

Not being rude, but why do people need to start a thread to say they don't fancy someone? What is there to say? If you don't fancy them, don't date them. It really isn't that difficult.

You know how you feel about someone better than anyone else here.

It took me about a year of first dates to have a great date and find a keeper. There were a few maybes. But I’d say keep going take breaks from the apps and give yourself headspace. Or try the real world if that’s possible!

No it’s not ‘wibble’ just because it’s not what you experience.

Ive never fancied anyone immediately in my life (I’m 58 now) every man I’ve dated has been a slow burn where attraction grew over time. Just because that’s not how you experience attraction doesn’t mean that others don’t feel exactly that.

I wouldn't go on another date with him, not because of the 'lack of spark', but because of the 'bland'.

If I meet someone I really get on with and enjoy being with, but there's no spark, I give it 3 dates, because the spark can grow. But if there's no spark and I can also see exactly why I would split up with them eventually, then I don't. Bland would always lead to the relationship ending for me.

I used to agree with you. I met my DP IRL after lots of false starts on the apps.
didn’t fancy him at first. But began to really like him as a friend and then began having a crush on him.
the attraction has just grown as I’ve got to know him.

i would have almost certainly not matched with him in the apps- not my type physically ( brutally honestly- I don’t think he is typically handsome, but as I’ve got to know him I find him attractive.) My heart also jumps when I see him when we meet up.

so it’s defo possible. But I’m not sure OLD create the conditions for a slow burn to happen. I’m also certain that in the unlikely event that we matched, there would’ve been no spark as it took a while for me to get to know him.

Just because you're in your 50s doesn't mean you should accept what you can get.
If no spark then forget it.
Being single is better than any man for the sake of it

If you found him interesting/ fun / good company but just didn't 'fancy' him then by all means suggest a second, slightly more exciting date to see if you get a spark or not.

If you found him bland, dull, irritating or were bored in his company and you didn't fancy him then no, don't waster either of your or his time/ money on a second date.

I think there's a bit of a difference between fancying someone and a spark. Spark, I'd put down more to rapport rather than just based on look or lust.

You describe this man as bland, though, I can't see that being a good sign!

I think it can grow but only if you got on exceptionally well and you click, then attraction can grow but if you find him bland personality wise then it's just a non starter.

Agree with this. For me it’s easier to know it’s an absolute no than an absolute yes.

If they’re good company and there’s a rapport then there’s potential. If the date was flat and dull then there’s no point.

There has to be something about them to make you think they have potential even if there’s not an instant attraction.

If he was bland, no way. It's not really about physical attraction for me per se, but I have to really warm to their personality- sparkle in their eye, cheeky smile, wit, warmth etc. There has to be something about them that I connect with and like. Physical attraction can grow for me for someone who isn't super handsome or my "type". But bland? Boring? Pretentious? Mean? 🤮 Or it might just be that we don't "gel"/ get on very well.

Thanks for your honesty everyone..

We spoke on line for a while and he was funny as was I but in the flesh it was like the switch was off.

Who ever asked why so many questions like this. I guess I'm new to finding out loads about someone and then seeing them it's weird for me and alot of people who have never done on line dating.

He told me his ex gf dumped him because he didn't say he loved her or held her hand.. I need to feel loved.

We have loads of similar values I admire what he's done.. it's nor about him it's me too I know that. I am draw to a bit of craziness.

Thanks everyone 😍

Ah that's lovely... and what I want.

I hear you but just just never lasts and no longer am I basing a relationship on it. I think I was bland too. He had told me I was hilarious previously and I wasn't last night I was subdued and couldn't wait for it to be over.

Yep exactly no flirting no little looks zilch and I found it impossible to do the same.

100% yes. I'm happy single good life etc but I'm worried I'm too fussy