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Original poster

DATE NO SPARK

40 replies

QueenMegan · 23/10/2024 12:42

Have been on line dating for three months and spoken deleted whst feels like so many creeps liers and losers.
Had a date yesterday with a perfectly nice if not bland man should I give another chance or if there's no immediate attraction don't bother. I sound horrible but I'm in my 50s how realistic is thst anyway...chemistry is usually bloody lust.
What's your view be as honest as you like.😆

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenMegan · 23/10/2024 17:01

Fiestytiger · 23/10/2024 15:04

It took me about a year of first dates to have a great date and find a keeper. There were a few maybes. But I’d say keep going take breaks from the apps and give yourself headspace. Or try the real world if that’s possible!

Great advice thank you. I just want it over I find it overwhelming

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Original poster
QueenMegan · 23/10/2024 17:03

Lovelynames123 · 23/10/2024 12:53

I think if they guy is decent, you have good chat and things in common then it's worth more than one date. I recently met a guy who would've made an excellent boyfriend, I didn't immediately feel any spark though but we did have a connection. I gave it a go but 3 dates in I accepted that I didn't fancy him and wouldn't ever so I stopped it then, but I'm glad I gave it a go as we had 3 perfectly nice dates

Good advice thank you

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Original poster
QueenMegan · 23/10/2024 17:04

Happyinarcon · 23/10/2024 13:07

Have another date. I ended up marrying the guy who told me he wasn’t feeling a spark

He told you he saw no spark wow good on you. Thank you for your advice that's what I thought...

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Original poster
QueenMegan · 23/10/2024 17:05

TwistedWonder · 23/10/2024 13:12

Yep. I didn’t see my ex h as anything g more than a mate to start with and we ended up together for 25 years

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I think now the ultimate is someone who you like too.

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Original poster
QueenMegan · 23/10/2024 17:08

GarrynotsoGorilla · 23/10/2024 12:55

@Lovelynames123 agree here, perhaps i was a bit harsh, but try a second or third date, but make it clear you feel it is missing a spark and he can make his decision around that too.

Really you think I should say that....god I would hurt his feelings wouldn't I? He is nice i would hate to do that .plus I don't want him to then be demonstrative just because I want him to be as that's not authentic

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LushLemonTart · 23/10/2024 17:09

Has he asked for another date? Maybe have a walk and take a flask or picnic? One more date won't kill you.

LushLemonTart · 23/10/2024 17:10

No you really don't need to say anything about a lack of spark. If after the second date you don't feel it then just say sorry I'm not feeling it. He might feel the same?

EBearhug · 23/10/2024 17:14

If there's no spark and bland, then no second date. I have had second dates with guys who give no spark but are otherwise interesting, but you've got to have at least one of those things. Usually after a second date, it's clearer if there could be a spark or there will only ever be friendship (or nothing, if that's what they decide.)

Original poster
QueenMegan · 23/10/2024 17:15

PlumpPlumpington · 23/10/2024 13:32

Oh geez. How many of these 'no spark' threads have there been lately?!

Not being rude, but why do people need to start a thread to say they don't fancy someone? What is there to say? If you don't fancy them, don't date them. It really isn't that difficult.

You know how you feel about someone better than anyone else here.

Thanks for your input. I guess the reason so many are asking this question is because affairs of the heart are rarely black and white.

Many of us struggle with OLD for the reasons I gave. You share alot of information before you meet. People present in different ways in different circumstances so it's great to get other people's perspectives and their experiences.

It's a relationship forum so that's why people post here...just scroll on if they irritate you.😊

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TwistedWonder · 23/10/2024 17:21

QueenMegan · 23/10/2024 17:08

Really you think I should say that....god I would hurt his feelings wouldn't I? He is nice i would hate to do that .plus I don't want him to then be demonstrative just because I want him to be as that's not authentic

Edited
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Absolutely DO NOT say that if you’re going to possibly meet him again.

The only time the words no spark should be used is if you’re telling him thanks but no thanks

EBearhug · 23/10/2024 17:22

It's not that unusual to get on well online and then not feel a spark in person. It's just part of dating.

TwistedWonder · 23/10/2024 17:28

EBearhug · 23/10/2024 17:22

It's not that unusual to get on well online and then not feel a spark in person. It's just part of dating.

Agree. I’ve had it a couple of times where I really gelled with someone on the phone but felt disappointed after the date.

It’s because OLD seems a bit back to front compared to meeting in the wild.

Babbahabba · 23/10/2024 18:36

Nah don't bother then. The last two guys I fell in love with weren't stand outs physically (and looked very different) but personality wise we clicked straight away- a lot in common, talked for ages, shared sense of humour. The sex appeal and physicality came later but we definitely bonded quickly in terms of personality.

Rubixcoobe · 23/10/2024 19:34

TwistedWonder · 23/10/2024 17:28

Agree. I’ve had it a couple of times where I really gelled with someone on the phone but felt disappointed after the date.

It’s because OLD seems a bit back to front compared to meeting in the wild.

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Agree with this- I had spent a lot of time having a great laugh via text with a potential date. Met him and instantly knew I wasn’t attracted- major disappointment

Original poster
QueenMegan · 25/10/2024 09:27

So he asked me out again but also admitted he felt awkward as he was thinking of his ex...didn't ask how I felt things went so that's my answer. I said I didn't feel a connection and wished him well thanks everyone.

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