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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I kissed someone who is not my boyfriend 4 years ago at the beginning of our relationship.

42 replies

Kiriku · 22/10/2024 17:45

Hi, me and my boyfriend are 4 years in the relationship. At the beginning (third week) I went on party, got drunk and kissed someone else that night. It was house party so I did know everyone on that party and everyone known me. I feel really bad about it and I have never told him about that. I was 18 years old back then and he is 6 years older then me. I was a little bit scared of the relationship at that time because he always talked how he wanted to marry me instantly and I was a kid back then... I am a different person now, I know that I wouldn't do that ever again, I stopped drinking after that night but I have never told him and I don't know if I should now... I love him so much and our relationship is really good and healthy now I don't want to lose him because I was stupid back then. I don't know if I deserve his love and attention, I feel like a very bad person. I want a family with him, I want a future with him and I know that I wouldn't cheat on him again...

OP posts:
Loubelou71 · 22/10/2024 17:48

Don't tell him. You need to stop worrying about it. 3 weeks in is very early days and most likely you weren't exclusive then. 18 is very young so that was an innocent mistake. You've learned from it so there no point upsetting things now. Move forward.

BlackOrangeFrog · 22/10/2024 17:52

Don't tell him, there's nothing to tell.

He sounds actually like a bit of a communist tbh, wanting to marry within weeks??

And you've NEVER drunk again because if having fun at a party when you were 18??

Jesus.

Jessie1259 · 22/10/2024 17:55

You were barely more than a child. Give yourself a break. You learnt your lesson and have even dramatically changed your behaviour.

Christmastinsel78 · 22/10/2024 17:55

You were still a kid finding your way in life. Put it to the back of your mind. It was 3 weeks not 3 years x

User364837 · 22/10/2024 17:56

Put it out of your mind
i don’t think you owed him much after 3 weeks and it sounds like at that point you weren’t sure of things

Dragonsandcats · 22/10/2024 17:57

I wouldn’t tell him, you were only 3 weeks into your relationship.

CosmoQ · 22/10/2024 17:57

Don't tell him OP!

Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/10/2024 17:59

What the other's said. I don't know why this is taking up space in your head.

AgnesX · 22/10/2024 18:02

Tell him, what for?

Kiriku · 22/10/2024 18:04

Well, I was kissing the other guy and didn't think about him that night at all, I didn't want to be that person again. I didn't have sex with anyone but I feel like a slut a little bit... Idk, i am completely different person now.

OP posts:
Lollyp2 · 22/10/2024 18:04

No need to tell him.
3 weeks had you only starting to test the waters so certainly no reason to worry.

toadinthebucket · 22/10/2024 18:05

BlackOrangeFrog · 22/10/2024 17:52

Don't tell him, there's nothing to tell.

He sounds actually like a bit of a communist tbh, wanting to marry within weeks??

And you've NEVER drunk again because if having fun at a party when you were 18??

Jesus.

Didn't know communists were known for early marriage?

TreeMelody · 22/10/2024 18:07

Don't be daft! Most people aren't exclusive that early on.

Weyohweyoh · 22/10/2024 18:08

Absolute non event! Nothing to tell, give yourself a break and stop overthinking it.

FortunataTagnips · 22/10/2024 18:09

It’s no biggie. Really. Don’t tell him and stop beating yourself up over it.

BleachedJumper · 22/10/2024 18:09

You were very young and three weeks is barely a relationship.

Im concerned about you labelling yourself as a slut and how much anxiety you feel in this relationship.

I’ll be honest, I also don’t particularly rate a guy who’s 24 going out with a fresh 18 year old and being OTT on the commitment front and talking marriage, it screams controlling behaviour.

category12 · 22/10/2024 18:12

Don't tell him, nothing good can come of it.

Stop beating yourself up about it. You were a teen, drunk, and your relationship had barely begun.

You're still very young, don't rush into babies and domestic life.

Triangleflower · 22/10/2024 18:13

I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

what is your relationship like now?

MoonPieHazySky · 22/10/2024 18:15

Just don’t worry about it. 3 weeks in is very tentative early days and it was only a kiss.

You have permission to move on and forget about it!

If you feel you would feel better to tell him then that’s understandable – but it’s not really necessary.

Kiriku · 22/10/2024 18:16

Triangleflower · 22/10/2024 18:13

I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

what is your relationship like now?

It's really good, he is very loving partner and he is my biggest support and best friend. Maybe in this post seems like he is controlling but that is not the case really, he wasn't back then either I was just scared because he wanted something so serious with me and I didn't know anything back then, I didn't have a normal boyfriend and relationship before him.

OP posts:
Onelifeonly · 22/10/2024 18:18

It's really not that big of a deal! Stop beating yourself up. Don't tell him as it will make it seem worse than it is.

GroovyChick87 · 22/10/2024 18:20

Forget about it. I don't even really count the relationships I had in my later teen years and I don't dwell on anything I did wrong during those relationships. You're still so young at 18 and most things are a learning experience.

Kiriku · 22/10/2024 18:33

category12 · 22/10/2024 18:12

Don't tell him, nothing good can come of it.

Stop beating yourself up about it. You were a teen, drunk, and your relationship had barely begun.

You're still very young, don't rush into babies and domestic life.

I didn't say that well, I want a family with him in the future but not yet

OP posts:
Fizzadora · 22/10/2024 18:51

This isn't real surely?
No one is this pathetic.

Kiriku · 22/10/2024 19:02

Fizzadora · 22/10/2024 18:51

This isn't real surely?
No one is this pathetic.

What do you want to say...

OP posts: