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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you date someone who didn't want more children?

33 replies

davidtennantsmistress · 24/04/2008 14:49

as in you did but he didn't - not now not ever, as in even if we were together 20 years type of a thing, or would you live in hope he might change his mind if everything else was really good?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 24/04/2008 14:50

i would never be so foolish as to live in home he'd change his mind.

he's doing you a huge favour by being honest from the get go.

ImightbeLulumama · 24/04/2008 14:51

am married, but if i was single now, i would absolutely not date someone who was adamant they did not want children, unless i was 40 + in which case i would not be in that frame of mind particuarly.

never, ever take the chance that someone will change their mind over something as important as children.

it is probably a hiding to nothing.

people who tend to firmly not want children ever do not change their minds IME

NomDePlume · 24/04/2008 14:51

No.

But then DH didn't want anymore kids (he had 2 boys from his 1st marriage) and then he met me and changed his mind.

Bky · 24/04/2008 14:52

No never, unless I was 100000000% sure I was done with having babies. I know it would ruin the relationship so no point starting it off in the first place. I'm not sure it is something that can ever be compromised, either you want different things or you want the same thing.

Original poster

davidtennantsmistress · 24/04/2008 14:54

that's my thoughts yes, ah well - will be a relationship of fun and laughter but nothing serious as I def want one more child or my own.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 24/04/2008 14:55

if i had NO kids of m own i'd definitely not date a person who was adamant about not wanting any more.

Tortington · 24/04/2008 14:56

yes = sounds like a plus point to me

Original poster

davidtennantsmistress · 24/04/2008 14:58

how so custy?

he's very honest. which I like, just a shame that everything about him is WOW! lol. (apart from the hairy chest but am getting used to that! )

I have DS, he has a DS with AS. but always thought i'd be PG again one day - i'm not meaning in the next 2 years or so just one day.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 24/04/2008 15:00

well, it's a plus point if you also don't want anymore.

Original poster

davidtennantsmistress · 24/04/2008 15:08

ah right with you expat.

OP posts:

MuthaHubbard · 24/04/2008 16:22

Plus point for me, I have two and don't feel the urge to have anymore.

lemonstartree · 24/04/2008 16:22

definitely not. If it was a definite"never want any more ' and I did. top the whole thing before anyone gets hurt. Not really something about which you can compromise is it!

littlewoman · 24/04/2008 16:48

No. It's doomed from the start unless you are prepared to change your mind on the issue, because you can certainly never change anyone else's mind for them. Sorry.

muggglewump · 24/04/2008 16:52

It's a big plus point for me as I'm getting sterilised next month
I won't date a man with kids either so will quite likely be single forever!

iwouldgoouttonight · 24/04/2008 17:02

Weirdly I know three people who are dating men who never want any more children. One is my sister who (for some unfathonable reason) is marrying her boyfriend even though he has made it completely clear he never wants any more children (to the point of pursuading her to have a termination when she 'accidentally' got pregnant) - so I think they are doomed to failure.

However another friend has been seeing a much older man for quite a few years and she has actually changed her mind about children and has decided she doesn't want any more and is happy with her partner.

And another friend has just started seeing someone who doesn't want kids, but she isn't seeing it as a serious relationship, more just a fling beacuse she's just out of a long term relationship.

So, I suppose it depends what you want from the relationship, but good that he's honest from the start.

minster · 24/04/2008 17:52

No, never, ever it's a recipe for misery.

stirlingmum · 24/04/2008 18:13

I'd breathe a sigh of relief.
No more for me thank you....

Original poster

davidtennantsmistress · 24/04/2008 19:03

thanks for your input guys.

iwgot - how did your friend with the older partner feel about things?

I guess deep down I would like the option in the future - 26 to me is still young enough to have plenty more - esp as with XH we/I had wanted 3/4.

OP posts:

iwouldgoouttonight · 28/04/2008 11:46

Sorry didn't get on computer all weekend so a bit late but...

My friend with an older partner is in her mid-late thirties and actually had some of her eggs frozen as a sort of 'insurance' in case things didn't work out with her partner and she met someone who did want children. But since then she's decided that she is really happy with him and would rather be with someone who she feels is right for her, than have children. He's in his late fifties (I think) and had grown up children and has had a vasectomy so definitely won't change his mind, and she seems happy with the decision she's made.

Having said that you never know how you're going to feel in the future and she may change her mind back as well. If you're only 26 it seems very young to decide not to have any more but young enough to have a fling and a bit of fun even if you know its not going to be a long term/having children relationship.

So have you decided to keep seeing him or not???

Original poster

davidtennantsmistress · 28/04/2008 12:54

I am yes we get on have a laugh he's really on my wave length which is why i'm so torn, if he wasn't, I wouldn't bother at all. it's nice to be with someone who literally thinks like I do (saying the things at the same time etc, )

was talking to mum over the w.e and she understood she did say he may change his mind.. but I can't live with he might. as I do iycwim.

but he's starting to get more serious/has said he 'doesn't want to appear too keen' so if it was to end now would prob be the right time before I get really into him & get hurt (I know self preservation thing and all)

he's 36, i'm 26. as I see it I loved being PG with DS. and still young enough to have more. he sees it that he'd spend the next 3 years or so settling down again getting married etc, (his so was an accident apparently which led him to marrying his ex wife who he hated apparently) anyhow that would put him to 39, which he feels, is then too old to start again (as he's now really interested in his son, at 7, but wasn't so much before - so in his thinking he'll be 46 by the time the child is the same age as his one now iycwim)

we've talked about in passing but not at great length. he's said his bit i've said mine and that for now.

think i'll keep seeing him thou, as tbh I was married to my x for 5 years together for 8, but this really feels like the first 'proper' relationship i've had if that makes sense? every time we see each other I think WOW, and it's not just the lust! lol.

OP posts:

Pinkchampagne · 28/04/2008 23:18

I would happily date someone who didn't want children, but I have two children, who are more than enough for my tolerance levels atm!

How long have you been together, DTM?
He may change his mind in time, but like IWGOT said, you are still very young. I didn't have any children at your age! Have a bit of fun for now, and see what happens. Who knows what the future will bring!

zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 23:26

i have the reverse problem

i dont know if my bf does want children but as he doesnt have any and is 31 it seems likely he would

and i have trod this road already as exdp was 31 when i met him and were together nearly 9 years before he left to try and find someone to have 4 kids with

so i am setting myself up for the same scenario somewhere along the line i think

zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 23:27

so ideally i need someone who doesnt want kids

zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 23:28

tho having said that i would have one by egg donation if i was with someone who wanted me to

amytheearwaxbanisher · 28/04/2008 23:37

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