No spark

[collann]

Hi all
I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months. He ticks all the boxes but I'm not physically attracted to him.
He's a good looking guy there is flirting between us but I feel as if there's no spark.

Do I carry on seeing him to see if the attraction will develop or let him go?

I'm in such a quandary 😫

I would look at the bigger things than just spark.Nobody can be all rounded perfect.
Please define your meaning of spark.
I would certainly advice you to carry on seeing him and look at things like Kindness, gentleman, loving, fun to be with, doesn't spend too much time on his phone , looks after and cares for you etc.
Stuff like this will keep you going longer than spark 😃

I understand what you're saying and as I said almost every thing else is there.
I'm just not wanting to be affectionate with him like I don't fancy him.
Is that not important?
I've always felt very attracted to my previous partners.

Why not be single until you meet someone you don’t have these doubts about?

Then I don’t think it will work if you don’t feel you can be affectionate with him (especially when you normally do)

its not fair on him but ultimately it’s not far on you - you deserve to be happy

I was intending to but we were friends and it's kind of developed to dating.
He is lovely and we have been flirting there's just no spark.
I just don't know whether to carry on as he's made it clear he's attracted to me I just don't feel the same.

Maybe as you were friends first, you've put him in your "friend category" in your mind.
Nothing wrong with that.
Life's short, dont waste it, you dont fancy him, go back to being friends.

How would you feel if he said - this is nice, but I feel like I’m forcing a spark or This is nice, butI’ve met someone online.
Would your first reaction be relief or jealousy?

If you have been seeing someone for a few months and have no desire for kissing or physical intimacy, then this is a friendship and not a relationship. Don’t string him along, let him find someone else with whom there is a spark.

If you’ve been seeing him a few months and feel like this, move on. Someone can be great on paper but if you don’t fancy them and don’t feel drawn towards them there’s no point.

Our bodies are very good (and rational) at picking people we are emotionally and physically and genetically compatible with!

It’s not just about someone being physically attractive even, you also need to feel that deeper connection with them too.

If we could form a relationship and fall in love with every attractive guy with a good job and decent enough personality we’d be very busy…!

Better to hang on for someone who’s worth investing your time and energy in (ie someone you fancy and are genuinely compatible with).

I would feel happy for him.
Oh dear I think I have friend-zoned him!
He ticks all the boxes but dare I say is a bit boring 😬

Yeah he’s not for you!

Think I misread the message.
Sounds like he is the one interested in you.
If that's the case, it's really simple: then make it clear to him instead of making him think something can become of you two.
Then carry on finding your frog prince.
Finding the one takes time

Thank you for all your advice.
I'd hate to be seen as if I'll be wasting his time.
He's just really nice but I don't see a future with him.

Usually friends first means you get to know each other and the feelings develop. If that’s not happening then I’d cut my losses and end the relationship

If he’s got feelings it’s not fair on him to continue if you don’t feel the same.

That's what I'm trying to figure out.
Is it worth keep going to see if my feelings will develop or cut my losses as I don't feel that physical pull

"I just don't know whether to carry on as he's made it clear he's attracted to me"

No you shouldn't. That's called stringing someone along.

He might be upset now if you call it a day but he'll be devasted months/years down the line and resent you for not being truthful/honest in the first place.

Please don’t continue. I came out of a 20 year relationship- it was my one and only sexual romantic relationship up to that point, the guy was really bad for me and very abusive, but I had loved him passionately, it took a lot to leave. Someone who was really there for me and became an even better friend, declared his feelings for me about a year later. Very handsome guy, funny, kind, good work ethic, everything on paper but I didn’t feel that physical pull as you say. I felt an emotional attachment and trust. I thought I should give it a go and the feelings would definitely come- if I had loved and wanted an arsehole so much, why wouldn’t I come to love this guy even more. It doesn’t work that way though, and I wasted his time for a year, we ended up having a child together. The spark was never there. I couldn’t force it to be there. I felt incredibly sad after we were intimate and couldn’t shake it off, as a result we were only intimate a handful of times. I was in a bad place in my life and wasn’t thinking straight, we are both much happier now, we parted ways and parent nicely together. Don’t play with someone’s heart and feelings that way, or ruin your own chance to have everything with someone, don’t be with someone because you are lonely, or need someone or whatever other reason you have. Let him find someone who adores him.

I really appreciate your honesty and agree with you totally
Thank you for your insight

I am going to let him down as kindly as I can

So I ended it and he was so lovely about it which made me feel worse but I feel relieved that it was done.

I hope he finds someone who appreciates him because he is lovely just not for me I'm afraid.

If you don't want to be affectionate, then there's not much hope you'd want sex with him! You simply don't fancy him. Yes, he obviously fancies you, but if you don't feel the same way, then there is little point in continuing to see him. You both need to find someone else.

You're right and I hate the thought of stringing him along. He deserves someone who appreciates how lovely he is and I need someone that I'm attracted to!

Glad to see your latest update.

I wouldn't want to he with someone who didn't fancy me but thought I was a good prospect in other areas.

And I'm sure you wouldn't either.

Really glad you did the right thing x

Let him have someone who appreciates him. Let him go, date some exciting, hot bad boys, and look back on him with regret in the future.

Honestly, I think it depends on your dating successes. If you have eben on 50 dud dates, then I'd give this one an actual shot. If you genuinely believe the dating pool has potential, end it and keep looking.

But that’s settling. I don’t have regrets for leaving my ex behind, he was and is a nice guy, but he was not for me. Dating losers doesn’t mean regretting not continuing with someone you have no spark with, unless there is a desperation to not be alone. Some people WOULD rather settle than be alone, but that’s not fair on anyone. They are shortchanging themselves, and the other person, and the relationship can’t be forced to feel “right”. When you are with the right person it feels right in every inch of your body and mind.