Page 2 | No spark

collann · 2024-10-21T06:10:13+00:00

Hi all I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months. He ticks all the boxes but I'm not physically attracted to him. He's a good looking guy there is flirting between us but I feel as if there's no spark. Do I carry on seeing him to see if the attraction will develop or let him go? I'm in such a quandary 😫

bifurCAT · 23/10/2024 10:02

TheQueeen · 23/10/2024 09:34

But that’s settling. I don’t have regrets for leaving my ex behind, he was and is a nice guy, but he was not for me. Dating losers doesn’t mean regretting not continuing with someone you have no spark with, unless there is a desperation to not be alone. Some people WOULD rather settle than be alone, but that’s not fair on anyone. They are shortchanging themselves, and the other person, and the relationship can’t be forced to feel “right”. When you are with the right person it feels right in every inch of your body and mind.

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I wouldn't say it's settling, it's just not jumping on your immediate gut instinct. No-one likes beer the first time they try it (I don't anyway, but it seems like a relatable thing), but it becomes their go-to drink once they develop a taste for it.

I'm actually more basing my comment around the 'theme' of MN, that men are dicks, cheats, etc, and that there are so few good guys left by the time you hit 40. It seems a shame that here we actually have a 'universal box-ticker', but no real spark. That's why I'm saying I'd err on an extra few dates, or even a few hours with the guy. I'd rather give a 90% a few more hours, than waste ten times that on the next 10 dregs.

TheQueeen · 23/10/2024 10:29

bifurCAT · 23/10/2024 10:02

I wouldn't say it's settling, it's just not jumping on your immediate gut instinct. No-one likes beer the first time they try it (I don't anyway, but it seems like a relatable thing), but it becomes their go-to drink once they develop a taste for it.

I'm actually more basing my comment around the 'theme' of MN, that men are dicks, cheats, etc, and that there are so few good guys left by the time you hit 40. It seems a shame that here we actually have a 'universal box-ticker', but no real spark. That's why I'm saying I'd err on an extra few dates, or even a few hours with the guy. I'd rather give a 90% a few more hours, than waste ten times that on the next 10 dregs.

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Yes there are different ways of looking at it, but it’s early days anyway, this guy will have his own flaws and things that haven’t come out yet, and when that happens, you want to be really into someone. I can see that there are situations where someone sticks it out with someone and the feelings and attraction develops. Having attempted this myself though, I realised that unless I really can’t live without someone I’m much better off alone. Hence I haven’t dated in a decade, kept myself to myself, I’ll know if I meet someone that I’m truly drawn to. It depends on whether there is a strong priority to settle down/not be alone, for me there isn’t, so I wouldn’t see the point in these kinds of experiments, if I’m not fully feeling it, I just wouldn’t bother

MoonPieHazySky · 23/10/2024 10:33

TheQueeen · 23/10/2024 10:29

Yes there are different ways of looking at it, but it’s early days anyway, this guy will have his own flaws and things that haven’t come out yet, and when that happens, you want to be really into someone. I can see that there are situations where someone sticks it out with someone and the feelings and attraction develops. Having attempted this myself though, I realised that unless I really can’t live without someone I’m much better off alone. Hence I haven’t dated in a decade, kept myself to myself, I’ll know if I meet someone that I’m truly drawn to. It depends on whether there is a strong priority to settle down/not be alone, for me there isn’t, so I wouldn’t see the point in these kinds of experiments, if I’m not fully feeling it, I just wouldn’t bother

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Same! Second all this.