My baby is due 9 days after a wedding that I am a bridesmaid at. I want to offer to stand down, but how do I approach the conversation?

[AmberPoet]

I am due to give birth in 6 months, and my friend's wedding is due in 6 months, which I am supposed to be a bridesmaid at. The announcement was a bit awkward because I had to tell her the due date and, although she congratulated me, she didn't seem overly pleased.
She said we will try to make the bridesmaid dress work by getting it altered, but I think the whole thing is going to make me anxious, and I may not feel up to the bridesmaid duties involved. I also don't want it to be an extra stress for her.
How can I approach this?

Sorry, but you just won't be able to do it. The baby might well have arrived by the time of the wedding! You will just have to apologize to your friend and say that you've reconsidered and realised that it won't be possible

I think you just need to say what you’ve said here. You don’t want her to have to accommodate you in a way that detracts from her special day. You also don’t know how you will feel. Emphasise the ‘I don’t want to cause you stress’ part and see if you can do bridesmaidly things for her in the run up, without actually being in role on the day.

I'd just tell her that unfortunately it'll be too much stress for everyone so you think it's best you step down and just attend as a guest. There's the possibility you've already given birth by then and might not feel up to going at all, you might still be in hospital. If you have given birth what use is a bridesmaid dress that's been altered to include a big bump? On the other hand you've no idea how big you'll get and if you decide to breastfeed are you going to need a dress with easy access? Just seems a lot of hassle!

Tell her now and just be honest, say you are probably going to be too big, too tired, and will need to be near home in case the baby makes an appearance. You won't be up to standing much when you're that close to the end. If she's a good friend she will be sad but will understand.

Agree with PP you 100% can't commit to this. Good shout to offer to see what you can do to help in the run up but it's unlikely you'll even be there on the day tbh.

Predicting the alterations needed for the dress will be like guesswork, I'd say find another bridesmaid, it will be too much standing and stress for you too.

You don't really 'approach it'.

You apologise and tell her being a bridesmaid no longer works for you.

I've a feeling she'll be grateful when she thinks it over properly.

Congratulations btw

To be fair I think she will probably be relieved and you will save all the future awkwardness

You need to stand down. If the baby is already born it just won't work. If you are still pregnant you probably won't really be up to it.

I don't think you have to write off being there, if you feel up to it on the day. I had a full social calendar right up until the afternoon DS was born - although I wouldn't have wanted to travel far from my home hospital. She needs to know that if you're on the guest lost you light not make it.

You have to tell her you can't be bridesmaid though. You could even be in labour on the day.

I would say: Hi friend, I was so honoured when you asked me to be your bridesmaid, but thinking through all the practicalities now, with the baby, who may or may not have even arrived by your big day, I think it’s best I bow out gracefully now whilst you have time to either choose someone else, or so you can plan for the right number. I’m really looking forward to supporting you in the build up and celebrating your mariage in whatever way turns out to be possible when the big day arrives. Much love xx

What @Spacecrispsnack and @Jollyjoy said is perfect.

Your due date is a wild guess by medical professionals that doesn't even take into account the length of your cycle. You could easily have your baby a fortnight before it.

Yeah, it's simply not practical for you to be bridesmaid now. Just say you're sorry but you'd be ready to pop and just being a guest would make more sense for everyone.

What @Spacecrispsnack said.

I had to do this to my friend when dc1 was due, and there was a bigger gap, but you have no idea how you are going to feel when heavily pregnant, or, when a very, very new mother. If she is a decent friend, she will initially be a bit disappointed, then realise it makes sense and be excited for your life changes as you are for hers.

Realistically, you might not even be able to make the wedding as a guest.

Thanks all. I'm just a little worried about her reaction given that I feel like I've thrown a spanner in the works enough as it is being pregnant. Me being her bridesmaid has been something she's envisioned since being a child and I just feel it's not gonna go down well. But if I turn it around to her and how it may cause her more stress on the lead up, it may take the sting out of it.

Just go "what if my waters broke going down the aisle!" and that sort of thing 😁

"Rachel, it looks like I would actually be crowning on the altar, and i wouldn't want to hog the limelight."

Yes, you’re not negotiating a tricky treaty. It’s not that big a deal. She’ll probably be relieved to not have to figure out dress alterations and finding other people to do your jobs.

That’s quite a vision.😀

I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a relative but it was a few weeks after my due date.
I didn’t want the worry of trying to fit in a dress and breastfeed so I politely declined. (Engagement happened and wedding booked very quickly afterwards just as we were announcing pregnancy.)
Baby was 3 weeks old on wedding day. I could breastfeed as and when I needed to. Baby ended up staying at the reception while I went to bed early!

I think you are being perfectly reasonable, you would be giving her 6 months notice and not 6 days! You can't do anything about being pregnant and if I were in her shoes, I would be totally understanding and maybe suggest some alternatives, like you could sit near to the front to be near her or maybe say a few words or reading if you feel up to it (but for her to have a backup in place). That takes the pressure off you (and also her) and you can see what the situation is nearer the time. Congratulations on the pregnancy x

My best pal had a 10 day old baby at our wedding. She only came and sat at the back for the ceremony, then went home. She was exhausted just from the effort of that, so there is NO WAY you can be a bridesmaid!!!

Simply tell her you can't do it. Your baby could arrive at any time. That's enough of a reason.

The exact same happened to me. I was due 6 days after my best friends wedding where I was MOH. Initially I was still going to be MOH. I had been nervous to tell my friend I was pregnant but she was so lovely and delighted for me. She found me a maternity dress - it went well with the other dresses and was only £25. However, as it got closer to the date I felt and looked like a whale, had SPD and was dreading everyone watching me waddle down the aisle. So I broached the conversation with her and she was lovely and said she totally understood. I still organised her hen do and came along (although went to bed earlier).

if your friend is a good friend, she will understand. You’re not being unreasonable at all.