Where to live?

[Girlmum14]

Hi, my and my partner have been together for 3 years. I live about 20 miles away from him. He owns his own house and wants me to move in with him. This is his childhood house that he was given to him.

I would have to move my 10 year old daughter to another school which she would hate and she is due to start secondary school in September. We have already applied for the school near our house.
I am in a position to buy a house together but I cannot afford it on my own. I don't want to start the rest of our lives together in his childhood home. I also don't want to move to his home town as my girls are very settled where they are.
He just keeps telling me we'll have no mortgage etc but I don't think he's even stopped to consider how my daughter would cope moving away from her friends and the area she knows just before she goes to high school.

Has anyone else been in any similar situations?
Or do you have any advice?

I agree. You have to prioritise your daughter.
Also, if you move to 'his' , and she has to move schools, is unsettled and unhappy she will see it as his fault ... not great for their future relationship.

So you’ve made several previous threads about this man.

He barely sees his own DD but wants you and yours to move in with him

The DD you have together hasn’t bonded with him and you’re currently pregnant.

Why would you want to move your children into the home of a man who can’t be bothered with his own offspring?

Yes as you all can see @moddinner has found a previous post from quite a while ago! My youngest has since bonded enormously with him now and he is absolutely brilliant with her and my other daughter. As for his daughter she is a teenager and is lashing out but he has tried with her a lot.

Some of you who clearly have to much time on your hands to go fishing through threads.

Mumsnet is meant to be for helping other mums not ripping them to shreds....give you're heads a wobble.

So....
To the people that actually have some useful advice on my current issue.....

I definitely won't be moving my daughter away from her friends. I just wanted to verify to myself that I am not being unreasonable in this situation so thank you.
As I said I have got myself into a position to be able to buy a house with him. As it's his childhood home i think he's having trouble letting go. I probably would myself.
How could I maybe help him with this?

Just read your previous thread where you said that the relationship between as over last year - why are you back with a man you describe yourself as spiteful?

Hes a shit dad and partner - don’t even think about moving into his house, keep your independence from him

@TwistedWonder and when was this thread from, may I ask?
We have had our ups and downs like everyone but he is a kind and caring man.
I can't be the only person who's written and angry thread 🤣
I don't understand all your hating?!?!?

I would do what's best for my kids and stay put. I wouldn't move in with him until they'd finished their education. Don't put your relationship before your children.

Thank you @SallyWD 🙏

So this wasn’t your thread?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/stepparenting/4963106-i-dont-know-her-and-never-get-the-chance-too?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

He has refused to live with me unless I move 25 miles into his childhood home which is out of the question as my older child has moved around a lot over the last few years and is finally settled.

Kind and caring? not a chance

Why are you and your family the ones expected to bend over backwards and change your lives for him? And why are you even considering this?

Yes 3 years ...
Living in separate houses yet but works very well for us. But it's not for everyone, I'll agree.
No I'm not having a second baby with him. We had a miscarriage in April and that put and end to that one.
And no I'm not asking if I should uproot my kids... I actually wanted some advice on how to get him to let go of his childhood home and buy a house with me.

You're very nosy aren't you! 🤣

So if you haven't got any good advice butt out!!

God, I'm sick of these threads. Selfish, screwed up people creating the next generation of selfish, screwed up people.
I'm out.

@TwistedWonder starting to see why your username is twisted. Do you not have anything better to do? You are not helping me at all. That was from nearly a year ago!

What the hell is wrong with you all!? All I wanted is a bit of advice! No wonder the world is the way it is. It you are not going to help then don't comment.

You can’t do anything to get him to let it go, it’s important to him, more important than the considerations that you have, which are more important to you than his. Obviously you are prioritising your children first which is the right thing to do. Would I want to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t also prioritise my kids? No. Am I saying he’s making the wrong decision, for him? No. But I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that.

Sounds like it would be a huge mistake to move in with him

• you'd lose your independence
• you'd be paying into a property you have no claim on
• you'd have no rights to stay so if things went south you'd have to find somewhere to go
• if you've had problems in the past, being housed by him shifts the power dynamic in a really bad way
• it's his place so you'd have little input or say on decor etc

That's before we get to your dds losing their friends, school, and comfort zone.

To live with a man who doesn't even put a single thought to their feelings. 🙄He doesn't sound like a good candidate to live with your children.