What to do when the OW is remorseless, callous and such a dam liar?

[WileECoyote]

DW being me!

To cut a long, long, story short;
exP had ridiculous fling beginning when I was 8 months pg.
I found out due to vids of them, um...at it, on his phone, the day bofore I birthed our baby.
Spent morning before baby born in local GUM clinic.
Found out when baby was four days old that he'd caught nasty, nasty STI from Ow, given it to me.
Found out when baby was ten days old that it had been caught by baby at birth.
Baby subjected to much prodding, poking and four weeks of treatment to save sight and life.
Due to having STI at time of birth, have been informed by consultant that FT's probably damaged beyond repair within 7 days of birth.

Have left exP, have refused to reinstate relationship, he's devastated and so am I.

Absolutely furious at times that Ow appears to think it's funny to rub my nose in this. Have not approached her at all, apart from an initial phone call. Then txt to make her aware of STI. Just steered clear and didn't want to get into any of this with her on any level, preferring to ignore her very existance.

All the while she claims innocence in public, whilst sending me texts that confirm she knew all along about me, our family, our unborn child.

Was approached by her recently while on a night out with friends, was chatting alone with exP outside pub when she approached me with 5 of her friends behind her and said 'What's wrong with you then? What's your problem?'. I nutted her. So absolutely out of character but I was aware of a threat, that topped by her sheer blinding cheek (aided by several years of martial arts training) I nutted her.

Cue texts from her friends if I walk past the shop she works in telling me not to. Cue me entering shop the next time I'm in town, etc, etc.

I need to rise above it all, I know. I do not want to be involved with someone I consider to be mere scum, at all. She is not the type of person I would ever invite into my life and I'm so furious that she is on even the perimeter of it.

Help me avoid responding to all of this rubbish! I have a much loved family to care for and a whole life to live. Yet...

n.b. my FT's and I know dam should be damn!

Wow. What a baboon-fucking demon. No practical advice, but didn't want you to think no-one was listening.

I can completely see why you nutted her. It's not something I'd usually condone, but when I got to that point in your story I had a little Alanis Morrisset "Yeah girl!" moment.

Well, she sounds pretty messed up.

But you need to rise above it. To be fair, she isn't the one who was unfaithful, your partner was. (And horrible though the STI must have been for you, and devastating though its consequences have been - nobody meant for that to happen!)

I think counselling would be a good idea to help you get past this? Or moving a long way away ... or both.

She sounds very young - and anyone who is happy about what she has done is scum in my opinion.

Nothing i can say really except i am sure one day when she grows up she will have remorse and then need to deal with it. By then you will have moved on to a better life.

Of course you are angry and for whatever reason she 'needs' to see she has hurt you. She is not very secure in herself is she?

Not sure how to stop you thumping her one except to remind you it really doesnt make you feel better in the long run. Give her more to worry about by letting her think you have the upper hand. She is excepecting you to react to her in that way - so dont.

I am sorry it has devistated so many lives though, why dont people think before they act?

Of course no-body meant for her to catch an SDT. There are lots of things we do when we dont think through what could happen - we need to educate people and make them aware and shame them if necessary.

No-one means to kill someone if they drive a car whilst over the limit or speeding say and yet society is soon down on them like a ton of bricks (rightly so btw).

sorry dont mean to sound so angry but it is a subject i feel very strongly about. Ellicit sex is somehow seen as a problem we leave the parties involved to sort out (we dont want to get involved....), it can and does have devistating effects on others and maybe we should be hard on all involved.

The ow is saying she knew about DW all along. That is scum in my opinion - sorry.

About to do a school run so I can only be brief for now.

Thanks for replies. I don't condone violence (which I realise may seem hypocritical!). It really was reaction to a perceived risk and symptomatic of me reaching the end of my tether. I'm absolutely not intending anything physical towards her and I hope a situation doesn't arise where I feel I have to.

Before she started to rub my nose in this I was content to let (albeit festering) dogs lie. Can't believe anyone would intentionally pass infections either. Have heard on the grapevine that she was neglecting to tell several partners about the STI which did infuriate me given that she's now aware of the consequences.

She's young but not that young, not a great deal younger than me. Naive and ignorant maybe? Heartless I can't help but feel.

But thanks, I'll give your advice some thought.

For what it's worth, if she has passed on the STI intentionally, I would have punched the living daylights out of her. (Over 6 years of martial arts wouldn't have left much to the imagination.)

Isn't there a chance you can sue her for neglect or something if you can prove she endangered your dcs life knowingly?

i do not condone violence....but she deserved it IMO, how completely gutting for you to have found out the day before you gave birth to your baby is exp still trying to get back with you or is he with her???

Sorry, I love it! What happened when you hit her????? (I think that's what nutted means!)

You tried to remain dignified but she just wanted to play ugly. She got what she deserved. Sounds like real trailer-park trash.

I don't condone violence and would actually have advised the OP not to give that piece of filth a minute of her time. IMO: The best revenge is to live a happy and fulfilled life.

BUT: should the little slut have passed on the STI intentionally I think I, personally would have seen a red mist descend on me.

She deserved nutting the disease riddeled little madam!!!! At least now she knows you will not be intimidated by her. Could you look into taking out an injunction against her and her friends contacting you? She sounds jelous to me if she is harassing you and getting her friends to pester you too. I agree with Alexa that letting her see you are happy and enjoying life will piss her off more than anything (even if you don't actually feel that way try to let her think it). Next time she comes over to you say (loudly for all to hear) in your sweetest voice "Oh, I'm glad I've seen you. I've been meaning to thank you... when you slept with my dp giving him that nasty, nasty std you really did me a favour. Since I left him I've been enjoying life so much more than I ever did before. I hope you managed to get yourself cleared up by the way."

i'm giving her a virtual nutting
and a kick in her diseased you-know-what while she's down
grotty beyond belief
but now, you need to rise above it
just relive the crunch of bone whenever you feel angry again - you've had your catharsis (as it were), and probably scared the living daylights out of her - and her silly friends

Yeah, something along the lines, Oh hello sunshine, how's your chlamydia today?

Okay, maybe it'll be best to ignore her but if she does speak to you again I'd defo mention her stinking vag. Anything goes: maybe you should hold your nose and say 'Do you still have chlamydia? Your c*nt really smells...Urgh...' then move away.

ha ha! snigger
just think up as many grimsby references as poss and trot them out whenever she says anything to you
although i doubt she will.....i'm scared of you from here!

Why is none of your rage directed at your exP?
I'm not a big fan of violence and street brawling and headbutting someone isn't nice, on the other hand I can understand why you are so angry.

If I were you I would keep clear of her and try not to antagonise her more. You have the moral high ground. Try to keep a hold of it.

Beanie, it is! Massively so but I didn't post regarding that because for me, at present, she is the issue. He's lost everything, he does want us to be a family again, would stop at very little to be P's again, realises he's made the most awful 'mistake' of his life so far and is agonised over the misery he's caused. Although at times I hate him to the point of pain, I can't hold continued hate for a man that for whatever reason has lost everything and has very few people left who are 'there' for him. Yet my rage is also directed at him and sporadically, I let him know it.

I suppose in my naivety and general state of whimsy, I believe in the good in everyone. I find it painful to have to deal with the reality of people like the Ow who appear to feast on the devastation of a family. exP on the other hand has shown nothing but sorrow.

I had managed to 'keep my cool' because I looked on this as a harsh and painful lesson for all involved. To realise that it's nothing but fun and games for her is gutting for me. To hear that she was content to allow the spread of this STI and not contact former partners may be none of my business but is something I find so offensive, given that she's aware of the consequences of the spread of this infection. In my currently marginally unbalanced mind, I felt she may have known she had it. Who knows!

As I said, I don't condone violence but at that point in time it truly was a case of self defence, both of my physical self and my sanity I think.

You are all absolutely right. I feel like I've slipped several feet off the moral high ground yet really it's where I belong. Shall attempt to hike back up there!

...am ignoring all well intentioned potential retorts when faced with Ow again because, though they are giving me a much needed giggle, I really need to rise beyond even that type of response, however deserved it would be!

You have not slipped off the moral high ground - i think what you did was completly understandable - so please dont beat yourself up for that.

I am ashamed to be a woman when there are some like her - but we are not all like that and i glad there are some others who see the best in others.

Hope you have a giggle at some of the things that you know you could say/do but choose not too, it helped me when i was in a similar situation.

I know what you mean to be able to move on wrt your p as you can see he has lost everything - you dont need to keep 'hurting' him anymore - he will do that enough to himself i am sure.

You sound like a strong lovely woman and i wish you lots of luck - and dont feel any quilt in thinking all those nasty vindictive things as i am sure you wont act on them.

Agree with HappyWoman. You didnt slip off the high ground... your child was involved. It would make most women into raging mama bears! I'd destroy anyone who brought harm to my child..It's just our instinct, innate, can't get away from it. Don't beat yourself up. You're a good person!

The OW is a complete bitch. How awful for you to have to go through this just before giving birth. Sorry for ignorance, but what is FT? Glad your baby is ok.

Good grief ! This woman sleeps with your dh, gives him and you an STI, puts your child's life at risk and reduces the likelihood of you having future children. And she did all this knowingly.. and now brags about it..

Nutted her ?! I think I would have killed her

What an absolute piece of low life scum

Hi 2 years ago I was in similar position though luckily the lunatic little scum didn't pass on a STI (though I was tested) - though I didn't hit I have certainly done the screaming at her in the street (and if anyone knows me it is VERY out of character)....however 2 years down the line I find the best course of action is to completely ignore her any action (and yes there are still some)....so just accept that you did what many here would have liked to do and now do what is best for you and your LO....I find that ignoring my H OW and being happy and successful drives her absolutely mad and is the very best revenge....good luck it does slowly get better

FTs = fallopian tubes. Not only did the infection put the baby at risk of death or blindness, it left the OP possibly unable to conceive again (at least by unassisted means). So this little bint thinks it's hilarious to ruin people's lives and potentially kill babies - she's not just unpleasant, she's disturbed.

Let's just pray that modern medicine works its best magic and that WileECoyote is soon as good as new. In the meanwhile, thank heavens for the prompt action that saved the baby.

Nutting (deliberately knocking heads, for whoever asked) cannot be found in the manual of civilised dispute resolution procedures, but I think that was one of those moments where it was the perfect response. Making a habit of it, of course, would be a bad idea. But just that once, you had to, you really did.

I don't condone nutting .. it made you stoop to a level you don't deserve to be at.

I might condone a poster campaign .. A4 type-written, possibly with a photo (have you a mobile phone camera?) stating the bear facts as a public service announcement.

Have you slept with this woman?

photo

Name

If you have please ensure you visit your local GUM clinic for a check-up, particularly requesting tests for xxxxx disease.

on lamp-posts and walls and shop corners