Found video of girls from dps office stripping in a lift on his laptop

[PosieParker]

I looked through his email tonight and found a video forwarded of two girls from his office stripping in a lift that he had forwarded and lots of pictures of psuedo lesbian and tits out shots and videos that he had searched for online during his working day. He is the boss of the UK and exchanging emails with salesmen. I truly thought he had grown up in our ten years and three, another on the way, children. I am so angry that I asked him to leave the house. I have no idea what to do. It brings up the trust issue and that my dp is not, by a long way, the man I thought he was. He often socialises without me and with the people from his office, god knows what they get up to now that I know this.

No don't forward it to the boss. Remember if he lost his job you loose out on Money........ I know it is tempting but hold back. Plus if you want to work though it, the less people that know the better.

Don't know what firm he works for BUT I work for a large company which is a UK subsiduary of an international firm and we have:
very very strong policies on acceptable conduct. Filming semiporn of a colleague then using company laptops and network to send it round (presumeably filmed on company proprerty?)is an unauthorised use of company items and is a disciplinary offence.
It also means the company is inherently sexist, and I'm amazed they have not had a sexual harassment suit...and I would think women with kids would be treated like sh*t there as they are unlikley to party late, snort drugs or do strips in the lift for their boss.
He sounds like, apart from treating you like shit, to be doing the same to the workforce (or member of his staff not prepared to act out this sort of thing) and he is also misusing company prpoperty and leaving them wide open to a law suit.
I would pass the material on the the top of HR and the CEO of the division his office operates in.

I am sorry you are going through this, if you can, please make sure he does not perpetuate his behaviour and make it difficult for us ladies who do NOT want to work for a sexist shit who sexually exploits his workforce.

Thabk you all for replying it is very insightful to see how other people view it, with a dd shouting I cannot read all but will as soon as I can.
DP is coming to 'Talk' this evening.....oh deary me.

Your first priority has to be yours and the childrens financial well-being Posie.

I know it's wrong what they have been doing but it's not your crusade to be doing when your life is falling apart.

I know it's her choice. She is being egged on to cause contact her Dh company and report him further down the thread. When you are in these situations it is very easy to do things in anger and not think about the bigger picture.

What does it mean 'he is the boss of the UK'. ?

@ 'boss of the UK'

Gordon Brown?

As far as I am aware this would be considered 'Gross Misconduct'. Even more so if you hold a position of seniority

I don't belive I asked her to check herself Dittany. I didn't say she didn't have a right to be angry.She has evert right.

Yes your right, her Dh didn't think about the bigger picture- infact he didn't think at all. He has behaved in a very bad way.

I didn't say that the wronged person has to hold higher standards either. I asked Posie to take care of herself and her family firstly.

Boss of the UK, means boss of the UK division of his company. I would never do anything to ruin his career as with or without him I would still like his money!!
I am in talks this evening and the peace process has begun, perhaps this shock is what our relationship needs to provide a platform where honesty prevails.
It may be the best thing that's happened to us as my dp cannot hide from the truth that I have found and I will have to deal with why he doesn't want to rush home etc.
Thanks for all the support and points of view, I'm really glad I came to this board for advice.
PPx

posie I saw your original thread early this morning and just wanted to offer some support as you have had a horrible fright.

I think your DH's behaviour is absolutely shocking.

Aside from the personal aspect of it all, I've worked in organisations where people have been sacked for offences much less serious than distributing porn. He could be held up on a sexual harassment charge - his behaviour is extraordinarily stupid not to mention personally hurtful.

You must have so much going through your head posie, hope you are ok.

Hi Posie, I hope you are feeling a bit better after your horrid, horrid shock. I just wanted to say that you shouldn't feel bad about yourself at all, feel sorry for those poor slappers who are so desperate for some attention at work that they have to take their clothes off to feel appreciated. Also, please don't think you are just a baby making machine - you are doing the most important job in the world and I wish that I could stay at home like you to look after my DS, but unfortunately I work full time.
Anyway, do you REALLY care about what his colleagues think when they have to stoop so low in order to get a cheap thrill?
Working in an office myself, I can say that there can be a lot of pressure in larger offices to 'fit in' and join in with the rest of the teams jokes, but this should never be done at you or your DCs expense.
Anyway, I'm rambling now, but just to say good luck, hold your head high and I hope you sort things out. If not, put the horrible lift video on You Tube to humiliate the bitches!! x

Well I'm glad he's not boss of the whole uk as that would be too much responsibility for one person and could lead to problems.

Glad you're talking PP, sounds like you're making progress with this and hope you sort it out.

well done Posie.

Glad to hear you are talking to each other and addressing the main issue ("deal with why he doesn't want to rush home" and the associated behaviour)

Take care

Posie I was reading this yesterday, and quizzed my dh (who is also a very senior exec in a large multinational) last night as to what he would do if someone sent something like this as an attachment.

Before I had even finished he was saying categorically 'delete it immediately'. When I told him your dh had forwarded it around he said he is an idiot and at serious risk of dismissal for serious misconduct. He says it doesn't matter how senior you are, you do something like that and you are out, with no entitlements of any kind. Big companies don't want this sort of thing going on.

I would point this out to your dp - though it is something he should know at his level. for you.

Oh well, they say it takes a drama to sort out a crisis!! Good things are coming out of this, the state of the house drives him nuts and he doesn't feel like he wants to rush home to chaos, which I understand as it drives me crazy and I spend much of my time on MN . Obviously that doesn't excuse emails but they were (I checked) a year old and by way of self preservation and office getting on with work he banned such activity, which I remember hence the shock at finding emails. I am feeling quite positive about it all, better than my friend who's dh had an affair 3 yrs ago and now 3 babies on he's flirting, hiding and deceiving again not mention the complaint that she's still in maternity clothes four weeks after baby. Her dh never says sorry either. My dp has apologised a lot.

Very glad things are looking up PP. Hope it all works out.

Hi Posie

Just thought I'd drop a quick line too. I'm glad you are sorting things out. Although I never found the email sort of stuff, when my DC's were young and my DH would go out for the evening I would really stress out if he wasn't in on time and would go crazy when he got in. In the end if he was staying out later than he originally thought he wouldn't bother ringing as his logic was, 'If I'm going to get an earful I might as well wait until I get home rather than ring and get it twice'. Now years on I am much calmer about these things and have mellowed somewhat and he now rings if he is going to be late. I'm not suggesting you are like I was but thought I'd share my experience anyway. I think it is a matter of coming to a mutual agreement as to how you both want things to be.

AnnaCatherine

AnnaCatherine, I am a little mellow dramatic and take your point.

Oh right, so it's YOUR fault he stays out late partying like a single man and taking drugs, because you're not a good enough little woman and don't make the house calm and tidy enough for him to return to.

I can see why you're so pleased.

AnnaCatherine,

That's not coming to a mutual arrangement about how you both want things to be. For that to happen he'd have to have respected the fact that a married man with small children shouldn't be regularly staying out late and leaving his wife to shoulder all the childcare responsibilities. Instead he compounded his disrespect by not even phoning you and eventually you settled for the original shitty behaviour because it was an improvement on his increased brattishness.

Seriously, where are the men?

The men who are grown ups and would be ashamed to shirk their responsibilities?