My gf(f24) told me(m22) that she cant continue the realtionship and that she needs to be alone

[Jones777]

So a week ago she told me that for the first time in 7 years she felt something about another man (only by instagram photos and texts), and she felt terrible so she didnt want to hurt me or cheat on me so she is breaking up.
We didnt hear from each other for about 3 days and had time to think about everything and when we met each other again, she said that that guy was only a trigger, that he has nothing to do about this and that she stopped talking to him and wants some time alone to see who she is when we are not together.
When she said that she is breaking up the first time I got a MASSIVE reality check, beacause we were planning future together like 4 months ago, trips toghether like a month ago and I was certain that we will be together for a long long time. I realised that I got too deep in a comfort zone and didnt focus on being romantic anymore. She started working 4 months ago, and I wanted to start SMM bussines and since she was a fitness trainer I started managing her account (and got rly good results), but the problem was I wasnt making money, I was just practicing SMM and the only time that we spent together was in my room in a flat with my parents. I was too blind to realise that it is not a realationship that anyone wants to be in. One more crucial information is that I live with a disabled mother and my gf could never tell me to move out because of that, even though my father told that he will manage to do everything.
I told her all of this, I got a job and found a flat where I will be moving in 2 weeks, and we got to the agreement that we wont cut each other from our lives completely and we will let the time pass to choose what to do next. She told her friends that after that talk she is more insecure about her desicion and that she might make a big mistake, but she cant continue the realationship at the moment.
I know that she loves me, its just passion that lacks and I think its a normal and fixable thing in a long realationship. My only question is what to do now? Do I let her be completely alone (and risk that she will cling onto the last few months of our realationship) or ask her to go out from time to time without being forcefull and annoying?

Seriously, let her go. You're very young and she has actually done you a massive, massive favour in motivating you to move out from your parents, get a job and be independent. This is your big chance to grow and become a man women will want to be with: able to run an independent household and deal with cooking, cleaning, washing, admin, all of it. When you meet that special person, you will be a fully equal partner in the relationship, not a man-child. Grab this chance with both hands, go it alone and be great. The world will be your oyster.

Above is 100%.

Besides, she's told you she wants to end the relationship. Why wouldn't you accept that? Continuing to try to have a relationship with someone who doesn't want it is not cute, or loving. It's creepy.

You got together very young and it sounds that you are more like best friends than a couple.
Your gf has realised this, and that she wants more from her life. There's a big world out there and she's ready to explore it on her own. I know it's tough to be the one left behind, but this really is the best thing for you both.
It's time to find out who YOU are too.

Dump the relationship - grow mentally and get some life experiences. I never understood people who have long term relationships so young, you are wasting your life!!

You've been together since you were 15 and she was 17?

You were children. Not fully "cooked" - you still aren't. You will continue to change in character as you mature till about 25 - 30, after that the only real changes are physical.

She has realised you're not The One, sorry but better to accept the truth, grieve, and move on.

You really do have a whole life ahead of you and I promise when you are 30 you will look back and barely remember her.

As for continuing contact - NO. DONT DO IT.

You both need to move on and seeing each other would hamper progress and be painful when one of you is dating another. Make a clean break.

She probably dumped you because you don't use paragraphs.

You got together as children. You both need to develop separately as adults. Perhaps you'll come back together, perhaps you won't. But it's not unusual to wonder "What if...." And in your 20s that's when its time to do things, travel for work or recreation, study, meet different people and find out what you do and don't like.

Settling at 15 for the first person you met is rarely a good idea particularly if you are rooted due to caring responsibilities, that's not fair to force that life on her. You are better off having a clean break though. Go your own ways and perhaps in 5 - 10 years try again if you are both open to it.

You were very young when you got together and so it’s pretty normal to fizzle out. Let her go if it’s meant to be you will get back together and you need to make an effort to get yourself out there and start talking/dating with other ladies.

I'd rather a partner who didn't use paragraphs than one who uses the internet to be cruel for kicks. So you feel better now you've made someone else feel shit? Is your self esteem boosted?

You're 22, it sounds like you've been carer for at least all your adult life and possibly as a child too.

Now is your time to grow. It's about you now.

What do you want to do with your life? Do you want to study? Do you drive? What kind of work can you do? You need to focus on building your own life.

You're clearly capable of adulting in terms of caring for another person and pulling your weight at home - that puts you streets ahead of many young men!

IF it's meant to be with her, let her go and if she comes back, look at her with fresh eyes. Is it true love or comfortable and easy? Do you have anything in common?

And if at 24 she's only just worked for 4 months it sounds like she has some growing up to do too

Was that necessary?

Your life as an independent adult is just starting. Set yourself the task of working, supporting yourself, starting some hobbies, meeting new people and creating a full life. Start dating again when you are ready. Let her go. You both will find happiness eventually.

You got together as children and you are no longer the people you were when you met.

Your 20s comes with a lot of new experiences and life changing events and decisions and it’s natural to outgrow a teenager relationship.

I know it feels like the end of the world but it really isn’t and you are going to go on to have more healthy loving relationships.

Thank you everyone for your responses, Its just really hard to let go beacuse I know that she loves me more than anything, and I love her.
So Its really hard, cause im having that conflict of emotions. I feel like it would be a shame to throw out that deep connection beacuse of the fear of missing out. I have felt the same thing that I think she is feeling now, few years ago, and It really messes up with your mind, but I thought to myself: instead of thinking about where I want to be, I will use the best out of where I am and I wont let a desire ruin something I have with her.

All my friends, all her friends, even her parents told me that she doesnt know what she is doing, and that they dont recognize her now. So I feel really bad to let go if its just a hard phase in her life.

👏

But she doesn't know that she loves you more than anything as you are all she knows. Settling at 15 and 17 is madness.

I wonder if because of your personal circumstances and looking after your mum you've always assumed you'd stay where you are and doing what you are doing and never really thought beyond that whereas she is ready to stretch her wings.

Also you don't get to 'let her go' that is up to her whether she continues the relationship or not.

But OP, I don’t think you have a choice but to ‘let her go’ if that is what she wants, regardless of how family and friends feel about it all. You can’t force the relationship to continue- she has said she wants to end it and you do have to respect that, however painful it is for you.

If living at home is OK for you and your parents, why not continue living at home and save money actively into a moving fund or education fund?

Most people won't settle till their late 20s/early 30s! Some later. You have time.

All my friends, all her friends, even her parents told me that she doesnt know what she is doing, and that they dont recognize her now.

They may not recognise her. She’s 24 and maturing, finding herself, becoming. She is who she is. They should respect that and get to know her.

What you should do is leave her alone. As PP said, make the most of living alone and learn how to run the house. The relationship has run its course for her. Accept it and move on.

I'm always surprised by the diversity of posters on Mumsnet. You are young OP. She's said she doesn't want to be with you respect that. Go out. Be brave be free. See what fun you can have

It's tough when first relationships break down, but honestly - she's already gone, she's just being kind. Wish her well, lick your wounds, and get on with life.

If by any chance you're correct and you are truly destined to be together, she'll be back soon enough - but I certainly wouldn't count on it, I'm afraid.

Is it really that easy to forget 7 years of memories together, without trying to communicate through your issues?

I know it seems like its just a teenage love, but I dont see the conection we had in anyone I know. Thats why I brought up our friends and her parents, they also know that the love that we had wasnt just a teenage thing.

I'm sorry but you have to let her go graciously.

I know it's painful as your life plans are suddenly up in the air when you thought you'd go through life as a team. Take time to feel your feelings and to grieve. That's an important step. It doesn't take away from the times you had, but please have a look at the stages of grief and focus on yourself and not what she is doing or on winning her back.

Whether she admits it or not, she has her own grieving process but she may try to distract from it by flinging herself into the next relationship(s) and that will feel painful to you. Please just keep focusing on your own life. No amount of talking is likely to help. As other posters have suggested, she needs time to figure out who she is too. In time you may both choose each other again but it needs to be a choice that's free of pressure or guilt or coercion otherwise you will probably end up in a pattern of one of you feeling stifled and the other worrying about whether the rug will be pulled out from under them again. It's also likely that having grown and played with your own choices, you find that you don't want that relationship any more.

You made some very important changes in terms of getting your own independent life in order. You can feel proud of that as that shows your ability to self reflect and to grow.
Keep making those changes but please do it for yourself as you need to be an emotionally healthy adult. You can feel very proud of yourself for making those changes and in time I hope you feel proud of her for her bravery in shaking up the status quo. It is better she took those steps now than in ten years time when it would be even harder to separate.

The first breakups are a massive learning curve. In time I've learnt it's a cycle that we get through. No choice in life is ever all good or all bad. There is a world of good waiting for you once you've given yourself time to feel your way through it.

I think her friends and parents have not been helpful in what they've said. They've tried to make you feel better but it's not a kindness.

She has said herself that she wants time alone to figure out who she is outside of your relationship. You have to respect that and your friends do too. It's hard all round. For you, for her. She is an adult though and she will learn a lot about herself through it, even and especially the painful bits. To some extent you have to assume that she's got this as a competent human being.

I've got a son who could be in a similar situation. I will be very sad if and when their relationship ends as I'm anticipating it may. The advice above in my two posts is the advice I would be giving to him.

I don't know what smm is, but move on. She may realise she has made a mistake, you may too. Go enjoy life