My gf(f24) told me(m22) that she cant continue the realtionship and that she needs to be alone

[Jones777]

So a week ago she told me that for the first time in 7 years she felt something about another man (only by instagram photos and texts), and she felt terrible so she didnt want to hurt me or cheat on me so she is breaking up.
We didnt hear from each other for about 3 days and had time to think about everything and when we met each other again, she said that that guy was only a trigger, that he has nothing to do about this and that she stopped talking to him and wants some time alone to see who she is when we are not together.
When she said that she is breaking up the first time I got a MASSIVE reality check, beacause we were planning future together like 4 months ago, trips toghether like a month ago and I was certain that we will be together for a long long time. I realised that I got too deep in a comfort zone and didnt focus on being romantic anymore. She started working 4 months ago, and I wanted to start SMM bussines and since she was a fitness trainer I started managing her account (and got rly good results), but the problem was I wasnt making money, I was just practicing SMM and the only time that we spent together was in my room in a flat with my parents. I was too blind to realise that it is not a realationship that anyone wants to be in. One more crucial information is that I live with a disabled mother and my gf could never tell me to move out because of that, even though my father told that he will manage to do everything.
I told her all of this, I got a job and found a flat where I will be moving in 2 weeks, and we got to the agreement that we wont cut each other from our lives completely and we will let the time pass to choose what to do next. She told her friends that after that talk she is more insecure about her desicion and that she might make a big mistake, but she cant continue the realationship at the moment.
I know that she loves me, its just passion that lacks and I think its a normal and fixable thing in a long realationship. My only question is what to do now? Do I let her be completely alone (and risk that she will cling onto the last few months of our realationship) or ask her to go out from time to time without being forcefull and annoying?

in a few years you’ll see there’s a whole world out there and that the girl you met at 15 is not the only girl out there

you’re 22 you can do anything - go travel the world, find a hobby

You let her go graciously. We change so much between the ages of 18-30, and you have been with her since you were a young teenager. She's 24, she's changing, evolving and is wondering what else life has to offer. You have moved out of home, and found a job - that's amazing, congratulations. A man that's capable of looking after himself in the home - laundry, cleaning, cooking, admin etc - is one a woman wants! Gain your independence and life experience. Don't keep in contact, it will make it much harder for you. Yes, it's a hard thing to do, but ultimately it's what's best for you both. It allows you both to be free, and live your lives. If she is meant to be, one day she'll come back into your life but please don't pin your hopes on that, it rarely happens.

But she feels differently. It is not for you or even for her parents to decide they know how she feels better than she does. That is controlling. You need to step back from it.

It just sounds like she’s out grown the relationship. She doesn’t need to hate you to leave, it’s just run its course for her.

you don’t need to forget any of the memories you’ve made together but take this time to think about you and what you want to do in your next chapter.

things will all fall in to place and you will end up where you’re meant to be.

OP I had my first proper BF from 17 to 23.

I thought he was the LOML (love of my life).

By the time I was 25 I looked back and thought "what a wanker he was". Honestly.

You will both get over it - but you MUST stop any and all contact for at least a year.
You may be able to be friends in future - just friends - but the chances are you will be, at best, indifferent.

Bitchy

You're 22 and been together since you were 15? Unsurprisingly she's not the same person she was 7 years ago and neither are you.

There's a whole new world out there, get out and discover it.

No it's not easy OP, but this is her decision, whether you, your friends, uncle Tom Cobley and all approve. How can she ever find out if this all she wants out of life if she never experiences anything else? Let her find out, and take the opportunity to find out if you want more too.

First cut is the deepest.

You got together so young at 15-25 is age period where people change so much in life, it's understandable that she wants different things than she did back then. It's almost enivitable that one of you would feel this way. It's just thst she did first.

She may love you as a person but she's no longer in love with you. Don't tarnish another wise good relationship by an ugly breakup.

I still remember by first break up. The nicest man ever couldn't fault him but we just grew apart as we grew up. He did nothing wrong, we just wanted different things. He gave me a lot of treasured memories and I'm thankful for that.

You will go on to meet others but will look back at your first relationship with fondness.

It's over. Let her go.

I’m sorry you’re hurt OP. It really feels shit when this happens, and we’ve all been there.

If there’s any chance she’s coming back she has to really miss you. She won’t miss you if you’re contacting her and her friends and her family. In fact, if your family tell her you are still reeling and expecting her to change her mind, it will have the opposite effect.

The only things her friends and parents should be passing on to her about you should be things like ‘He seems ok. He says he respects your decision and he’s getting on with his life. He’s moved into his new flat. He loves his new job. He’s really changed. He’s dating again. He’s taken up climbing ‘ etc etc etc.

It will get better. Especially if you can be very low or no contact. In these early days, you have to get busy and fill your days and evenings with activities and new hobbies to distract yourself.

🌻

I started seeing my first bf when I was 15, he was four years older, we were together for a few years and happy during that time. His family were all for us getting married, even offering us a house to live in but when I was 21 I realised I didn't want to be with him, he started to bore me, I still loved him, he was a good guy but I had outgrown him and the idea of settling down two miles from where I had always lived and just staying in that relationship became terrifying, it took so much courage to break up with him but I'm so glad I did, I went on to have a number of relationships over the following decade, travelled, became a mother, studied, met the man I did marry and I know I would have been very unhappy very quickly if I stayed with my first bf. I'm in my 50's now, I live a few hours from where I grew up, he still lives in the house his parents offered us, he's in a happy relationship and a few years ago when my mother was unwell leading to her death he was incredibly supportive, he checked in with me regularly and offered his assistance with shopping etc if I was not able to get to my parents home, this was with his lovely partners blessing. Let your first love go, leave it so when she's my age she will look back fondly on the time you spent together and not remember a drawn out overly emotional break up.