Together 15+ years. How’s your relationship?

[Gymmum82]

Dh and I together 16 years. Married 12. We bumble along ok. But I feel the closeness has gone.
We rarely have sex, admittedly my sex drive has upped and left since perimenopause hit.
I feel like we’re more good friends nowadays. Is this normal?
Many of my friends either haven’t been together as long or have gotten divorced and are now in the throes of new and exciting relationships and I guess I feel a bit jealous? Or just like I don’t really know what’s normal anymore.
Dh is not a talker and would never agree to counselling or anything like that and I definitely am not looking for divorce or separation or a new relationship. I just don’t really know how to get that connection back which i feel is missing.

Anyone care to share what your relationships are like 15 + years in?

35 years together, married for 33.

Have to say that we are very happy, probably more so than we’ve ever been.

Okay… the sex is a bit sporadic these days but it’s still fulfilling when we do have it. But we’re very close. Lots of affection, laughs, spending quality time. He’s my best friend. We’re extremely comfortable financially, house free of mortgage and both still working ATM, although plan to retire in the next 3 years. Have about 200k in savings.

I do know I’m very lucky. We married as teens and had a lot of years with financial hardship but DH worked incredibly hard to qualify as an accountant and for the last 15 years or so, each year has improved on the last. I know he loves me. No infidelity in either side, we’re just happy together and unless one of us dies prematurely I can’t see that changing. I know that anything can happen in life and there are no guarantees but I’m more than happy with my lot.

Together nearly 18 years, married 16. Relationship best it has ever been, despite many life stresses. We're more patient with each other, and more supportive. (Things were fine before, though.)

Re intimacy we have to be more intentional as we're both tired (and I'm in peri as well), but it's great otherwise.

Have you broached the subject with your husband? If not then you need to do so. Even if he's not a talker he needs to know how you feel.

It’s good to hear the range of normal. I love him and I couldn’t imagine going through life with anyone else. But he’s not my best friend. He’s useless at communicating and I go to my best friends with problems I need to talk through because he wouldn’t be any good at that. He’s a fixer, so if I need something doing he will do it, find it, book it, research it. But emotional support not really. That’s on my friends.
Intimacy is definitely a problem area but it’s gone on so long I don’t know how to fix it and it feels too late to bring it up.

Been together 27 years married 17.Split for a year around 2005 then got back together and got married.More in love than ever I'd say.Had counselling a few years back and that really helped us realise how much we mean to one another.Have to plan sex and he would like more.Butwhen we get a weekend away we both still fancy each other and make each other laugh.He's the best person I've ever met and I can't imagine not having him.

Married 22 years, we never argue and absolutely love and trust each other. He is kind, affectionate and always puts his family first. However, there is no passion or excitement or adventure (to my dismay) and it is gradually eating away at me. He knows this, but nothing changes. I don't leave because it would break his heart and the children would be negatively impacted. Plus, neither of us could afford a family size house on our own, so I suppose it is becoming a marriage of convenience, which is sad. I just keep hoping my sex drive will disappear when menopause hits, then perhaps I won't care so much about what's lacking.

Interesting thread, thanks for starting it OP.

Married for ten years, together for 13. Both mid forties with DC aged 7 and 9.

I think we're in a good place right now. There's been many ups and downs, and there have been times when I think we've both really questioned our relationship. We're a fiery couple, we definitely argue and that's always been the case!

But we love each other, we're really good friends and we still fancy each other. Have had to make the effort though, parenting has a huge impact and work has been stressful for us both of late. It all takes its toll.

Ultimately, I have his back and he has mine, he is a very good man and he still makes me laugh. Sure there will be many challenges ahead but I feel like we will get through them. But who knows? I see so many marriages and relationships crash around me, it's not easy.

Of course I sometimes miss the excitement of a new relationship. But I know it's a short term thing and it doesn't last, I wouldn't swap what I have with DH for that.

36 and 44. Together 13 years, married 7. The spark has gone. Intimacy has gone. We're co-parenting housemates.

We’re in our early 50s, we’ve been together 25 years, married 23. He’s my best friend. We have a daughter in her 20s who’s largely independent, so we get to spend a lot of time together one on one now.

Peri menopause has done something a bit weird to me it’s like being a teenager, so we have sex daily at the moment. I think maybe I just have more energy now I’m not continually running round after work, DD and elderly parents. Long may it last!

15 years together, but only just got round to getting married earlier this year! 2 DC. We got together at sixth form so are both early 30s. We’re in a great place after a rough couple of years (secondary infertility/losses and some finance issues) but even through the tough times the constant light in the darkness was him.

We’ve grown up together really and are still growing. I think it’s natural for people in our position to sometimes grow apart but we haven’t thankfully. He’s the very best person I know, in every way.

25 years, more like brother and sister now. After menopause my libido totally disappeared, unfortunately. It's like a switch went off - when people said that libido died, I didn't really get it and thought it wouldn't happen, thought i would be one of those still at it in my 70s, as you sometimes read on here. Unfortunately it did happen and not sure what to do about it. DH would like me to try HRT or testosterone but I don't particularly want to take hormones. So...dunno. It's OK, grass wouldn't be greener, we've got DDs, the house, etc. Plus my libido is so far gone I would find being a nun a more attractive option than finding another man.

Been together for almost thirty years (we met as teenagers, now in our mid-forties). We're best friends, adore each other and still fancy each other like crazy. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have him and he says the same about me.

This is fascinating to read. I'm going to have to come back to it properly later.
Been together 20+ years. Turbulent, lots of struggles but in love and it's the sex that keeps us going. We work through any difficulties. We do have cross words with each other, very upfront but we are talkers and chat away to each other. We have moments when we laugh together and can't breathe.

That's okay tho we've been together 16 years he would say he loves me to bits and I would say the same. But I'm rubbish at being an emotional sounding board. Want something practical I'm your woman tho.

Married 30 years and still have a great relationship. It was love at first sight and feeling has never left.

Still have great sex. Not every day, but certainly weekly.

Been together 16 years, married 12 so same as you OP. 3 kids under 10. Rarely have sex but that’s my only complaint…. But is it a complaint, as our libidos match. When we do do it it’s great.
Hes hilarious and my best friend so we have a great time together. Great teammate all round.

27 years together. 2 kids. We have weathered a lot and are very close.
We used to have an amazing sex life for about the first 12 years until we had kids but they are getting older now and HRT has very much restored my sex drive so I'm hopeful. xx

30 years together, 25 married. We've had our ups and downs, it was hard when the kids were small. But now they're adults (2 still at home), it's the best it's ever been. We've found our spark again and remembered what it was like in the early days. I feel like I've fallen in love with him all over again.

Sex isn't as frequent as it once was, a combination of age, peri, and constant night shifts. But when we do have it, it's very good.

Together 25 years, married 22, 2 teenage dc.
I think we're content - day to day drudgery of life can weigh us down and we go through phases of very little intimacy and communication, but when we're relaxed and not dealing with other life bullshit we have some great times still, and I'm looking forward now to our future together when we're no longer responsible for dcs.
We've got through financial hardship and a big mental health crisis (his) so I think we'll be ok. Sometimes I crave a man who is more dynamic and less anxious about bloody everything but he is who he is and he can still make me laugh like no one else.

Together 15, married 10. Im 36. no spark or intimacy for 5-6years. I told him I wanted a break 6 months ago. He’s moving out soon. 1 DC. Such a hard decision. Just feel too young for this relationship but I tried to bring it back. Forcing sex into a friend type relationship where there is not a spark is hard and sad. And quite honeslty a bit icky!! My sex drive has not gone despite surgical menopause. I still want that relationship.

Together 31 years married 24 years.
He irritates me sometimes ,he would probably say the same about me !
Makes me feel completely safe and has done from the start that is a great thing about him for me ,i hope our daughter finds the same with someone.
He is a decade older than me but that has never been an issue ,he is strong capable and healthy ,we still have very regular good sex and that has never changed.
We always have something to talk about and i have never been bored in our marriage.
We do not live in each others pockets and we let each other be themselves ,we have a lot of trust.
He is not very open emotionally but that's fine ,we don't have any drama it's an easy going loving relationship.
I can't imagine being without him, i will never be with anyone else.

We've been together for almost 49 years, and married for 44. We moved in together when I was 18 and he was 21. We've been through the normal difficulties in life - being penniless, major illness, bereavements, and no doubt lots more illness ahead now we're older. I'm sure we drive each other mad at times, but we're still best friends, we still love each other, we still respect each other, and we both know that we can always depend on each other when one of needs help.

I've always had two non negotiables since we met - I expect complete fidelity and would never tolerate any kind of domestic violence. We've had many many enormous rows over the years, but he has never laid a finger on me, and I know he never would. I'm 99.99% certain he has never been unfaithful, and even after all this time, he would be out on his ear the same day if I found out he'd ever cheated.

20 years, 2nd husband and no dc together. Like so many have said menopause took my libido. No sex or affection for last 6 years.

I wanted HRT for the libido. GPs had every excuse - I was just tired, this is normal when you get older, HRT gives you HBP, cancer, etc

What annoyed me the most is that if my DH had gone in with ED they would have tried all sorts of treatments. Or if I was a man converting to being a woman HRT would be freely given. But as a woman I wasn't allowed HRT.

Loss of libido seems to be a common result of menopause. Yet GPs continue to deny it 😪

22 years here, we met in our teens. Things are still really good, we are definitely best friends and have similar life goals. The main obstacle in our relationship is not getting enough time together, we both work, and have 2 ND preteen kids and very little help - I feel like we don't get enough chance to be a couple but it's great when we do. I'm also really tired! Sex life is reasonable (2-3 times a week). Definitely still wake up everyday glad we're together.

Oh and I think I'm in the very early stages of perimenopause and worry about that as I get really bad PMS on occasion and basically don't want to turn into a complete bitch.

Married 17 years, went a year without sex, dh thought I’d fallen out of love with him and I never knew it so now it seems he doesn’t love me/ doesn’t know if he loves me. I’d advise talking/ going out on dates before you’re like us. We don’t know if we’ll make it. My heart is broken but I’m learning I’m stronger than I think but still would never recommend. We have 4 under 16