In laws commenting on purchases

[Happiestwhen]

My in laws are quite tight with their money but seem to place a lot of importance on holidays and dining. As in they value these things above anything else so spend a lot on these but scrimp on everything else even though they are far from poor.
My issue is that anything we buy they have an opinion on. I bought a new stroller as our other single one broke. We have a double also but I wanted something light for baby when older dc is in preschool. Mil sniped when she saw it "what did you buy a new buggy for, you already have a double one"
It's like this for anything we buy. The family all have to have their say on whether we need said item or not. Why can't they just say something nice instead of constantly sniping about everything? Our finances are none of their business. My family would never intervene like this- frankly because they know it's none of their business. How do I tell them to back off and can anyone give any insight as to why they even care? Sometimes I feel like it's jealousy as mil says they struggled when their dc were young
Surely this doesn't mean we need to live the same way?

Other than this, what's she like??

'Another Holiday MIL? You've already had one!'.

Thanks for your replies, so glad I'm not alone in having inlaws from hell, lol.
Autumnleaves she's quite bossy and opinionated, seems to want to rule the roost. Can be extremely rude and says hurtful things to people after alcohol. Also SILs take after her being extremely opinionated and bossy. Constantly telling people what to do etc. They seem to forget that we are grown adults, my dh is the youngest so they've always bossed him about. I told him he needs to tell them where to go or I will eventually blow.

Don’t respond.

Pretend she hasn’t spoken.

Call her on it. Either straight out “None of your business Pam. It’s a long time since you had little ones.” Or “Shall I share my opinions on how much you spend of your own fucking money on going out for dinner and lovely holidays that we can’t afford because we’re struggling to get ahead with a couple of babies because we’re in an entirely different time in our lives to you?”

My MIL does that too. Sometimes with buying things but mostly outings. She shakes her head and says "you shouldn't go there, there might be TRAFFIC".

Are they like this when your husband buys something, or just when you do? I would find it unacceptable if it's only directed at you and just a bit annoying if it's how they are generally.

@Happiestwhen If the examples you've given are your only reasons for referring to them as "in-laws from hell" then I think you need a reality check! Some people go through actual hell at the hands of their in-laws....

My in laws are like this. Never anything positive to buy. We bought a house and their comments were: “the lounge is dark”, “it’s too far from a shop” (even though town is an 8 minute walk and there’s a petrol station two mins away), “it’s terrace” and “there’s an estate charge”. Not once have they said anything good about the house.

We like to go out for coffee (we don’t really do food out so coffee is our treat) and we have constant comments on that being a waste of money cuz we could make it at home… (not the same I like relaxing in a coffee shop!)

Then we get comments on our car being too small for our baby and two dogs… (it works fine for us!)

Our pram, we got a bugaboo which I know is more expensive but it’s worth it I think as it’s got great suspension and we love it!! That was apparently too much money…

Oh and that we should have a childminder not nursery cuz it’s cheaper…

Never once have they said anything positive to us ever!!! It’s always criticising. The way I cope with it is I just say negative stuff back to them.

Theyve just bought a house and they want to move the boiler from the kitchen to the second bedroom… they also want to remove the dishwasher!?!? Both odd decisions to me so I just say “what a waste to do that etc.” or “why on earth would you do that?” They’re never going to change so I just give them similar negative comments to what they give us.

It was clearly a joke, I put lol at the end ffs. I know this isn't big I the grand scheme of things , more of an annoyance.

Drink elephants, good idea. Play them at their own game!

This is how most rich people think, she’s just telling you to your face. Even I’m wondering why you’d buy a second single stroller when you have an almost preschooler who still uses the double. You just use that one and put extra things in the spare seat when he’s not using it. Or you sell the double and get the single.

Some people have no idea how much money they fritter away.

Ozanj, but if I'm working full time and can afford it why shouldn't I buy it? Dc is not 3 yet but is in pre pre school and likes to sit in if we are going far. Yes it's a want not a need but if I don't splurge unnecessarily on holidays, eating out or smoking/drinking/drugs. At the end of the day it's my money and I don't need someone telling me what I should or shouldn't buy.

@Happiestwhen , I’m trying to be helpful here. My sons are grown men with families of their own so hopefully I can offer a different perspective. I know my boys are adults but my husband and I do still worry about them. There have been times where one has mentioned that they can’t afford something and then we do notice if money is spent on something we can’t see the need for. We mention these things to each other but not to our sons and certainly not their wives. I’m just offering up the possibility that your MIL might actually be coming from a caring perspective. The fact she spends well on things that matter to her is not really relevant.
However your husband needs to speak to her and tell her kindly that while you appreciate her concern you can manage your own finances. He specifically needs to ask her not to make these kinds of comments.
Try to give her a bit of time to get used to this because it’s actually not easy to get used to not organising your children’s lives. If she slips up just say nicely “ We’ve told you Marg we don’t find it helpful you making those type of comments “.
Then move on and be normal. I hope you can work it out with her because the MIL/DIL relationship can be tricky but when it works well (as it does for me and my lovely DsIL) it is such a joy. 😊

You don't have to be rich to buy a bloody stroller! That's a bit of a mad perspective honestly. Who wants to push around a double stroller for one kid.

You could play bingo with their comments, they’ll soon realise how ridiculous they sound.
What does your husband have to say about this? He should be the one to address it with them.

My mum is like this.
She'll drop 10 of thousands on a round the world cruise but will balk at the price of everyday things.

She's definitely from the make do and mend generation though. Hates anything going to waste. It can be really infuriating when it comes to gifts.
For example I wanted a Radley bag for my 40th - I don't have designer clothes or shoes or anything like that, she always gives me money for my birthday but didn't want to get me the bag which would have been less than the money she gave me.

She will always go for a knock off over the real thing.
Rolls her eyes at everything we buy

Everytime she comments on something you do negatively, you comment back similarly.
My friend called it "pass remarkable ping pong" with her mother and MIL.
She had both mothers at it!

Funnily enough they don't like it when its done to them.
Both mothers had the cheek to tell her it was none of her business.
She replied "it is, you comment on everything I do, so I intend to do it to you, so you can see how rude and annoying it is".
Didn't stop them completely but made them more aware.
She made her comments with a big false smile on her face.
She actually grew to enjoy it😁

“I don’t recall asking for your opinion.”

”if I want your opinion, I’ll be sure to ask for it, thanks”

”is your degree in unsolicited advice from Oxford or Cambridge?”

”I’m perfectly capable of deciding what I I spend money on. If I need advice, I’ll ask someone qualified.”

Are you telling them when you're buying things?

Love this.

Everyone is tight in some ways to afford what they want surely though? I’d guess they’re watching what you spend so they don’t have to financially help you out at some stage but I would definitely recommend the phrase ‘had to be done!’ smiling, then change subject