Found Tadalafil in boyfriends bag, multiple boxes.

[scouse1994]

a few months back, i was emptying my boyfriends bag that he takes to work with him, and found two empty boxes of tadalafil. i never approached him about it after a quick google search as i saw it was for ED and although we have a very healthy sex life, i know he has a testicular torsion he will not get operated on as they said there’s a (LOW) chance he may lose his ability to finish. he decided against it, and despite the pain when we have sex of a morning, he always finishes. that being said, i can feel him getting soft and can tell he is struggling due to the pain.

other than that, our sex life is good and healthy and a session can last anywhere from 15 mins up to 2 hours at times, although 2 hours was earlier on in our relationship. (this may be due to the tadalafil)

however, i was going through his coat pockets yesterday and found another box. the date had almost fully wiped off but i could make out 22/08 meaning they’re from august this year cause why else would he still have them on his persons as he threw away the previous ones. there has been some incidents recently where i’ve been led to believe he may be cheating (FOUND A CONDOM WRAPPER IN HIS BAG, HE SAID IT WAS FROM A “POSH WANK” IN WORK), and he often has to stay in work in a different town from the city we live in, multiple times a week sometimes.

i don’t know what to do..

not a soul is desperate love. i wouldn’t be shy of men wanting to take his place if we split up, im asking for ADVICE and OPINIONS.

Yes, remain in blissful ignorance, until you get an STD or a woman is impregnated by your husband, do you mean?

i don’t believe the posh wank thing but he explained it as,

he can’t leave the condom wrapped in the hotel room bin cause it’s awkward for the cleaners to come in and see it and know it’s his.

he doesn’t like cleaning off with tissue as it falls apart and sticks to him

he can’t use a sock or anything cos he brings us home food from work and doesn’t want it touching the food.

so he wraps it up and puts it in his bag until he leaves work and can throw it away properly.

which yeah, it’s stupid but it makes sense. do i believe him, about 40%

Even if he's not cheating, he sounds gross. Move on.

Tbh I wouldn't want to be with a man who wanks at work anyway. What the hell is that all about?

I never believe the posh wank thing either - I think that's something that men tell women in the hope they're gullible enough to believe it.

I do believe men take used condoms away after visiting a sex worker in case (in his addled brain) she decides to impregnate herself with his high quality semen and then sue for child support.

Am I the only one wondering why he's having a posh wank at work? In my experience a partner using Tadalafil was because of cheating. It's not always the cases but it was in my situation.

How about you approach yourself with the fact you need to leave .
Jeeze how much more writing on the wall do you need OP

He needs to sort out his testicular torsion before anything else, or he may end up losing one of his balls. I wouldn't be too bothered about the ED medicine, but the condom wrapper and the fact he's messaging escorts would end the relationship for me.

everyone is entitled to their opinion about how i best navigate this situation but talking down to me, belittling me and being condescending about the situation when telling me to leave is unnecessary.

im sure you’re all more than well aware, it’s a lot easier said than done to leave a relationship. especially when you have made a whole life together. it’s not as simple as telling him to give me the keys and go to his mums.

Tell him to wank in the shower like a normal person.
Cleaners do not go through rolled up wads of tissue in the bins, they are on a tight schedule and don’t have the time or inclination to examine people’s damp effluence.
Someone who has efficiently cheated in the past is very likely to do it again in the future. It’s like stealing, once you realise you can get away with it, you carry on even when you don’t need to.
He has stolen your trust.

I'm speechless that messaging escorts, trans or otherwise, is deemed "harmless" in this relationship not to mention the bragging about repeatedly cheating on the mother of his child😱

men really are the worst aren't we?

You don't need to justify to anyone why you are leaving a relationship op, you don't need to go over everything with a fine tooth comb to find an undeniable reason to give him... just end it, you are wasting energy on thinking about it

He's probably not secretive with his phone if he's got a burner phone, which is common for men in relationships booking escorts (I'm assuming trans-escorts from your post). He may also have another bank account that you don't know about for payment and some sex-workers will use bitcoin apparently. Posts on UKPunting are very informative to see what lengths some men will go to to hide their activities from unsuspecting wives and girlfriends.

I'd have a quick check on his phone for calls to unsaved mobile numbers as he may regularly delete texts to confirm bookings etc. You can then Google the numbers and see if you come up with anything. This is how I found out my ex was using trans-escorts and getting massages with "happy endings".

Alternatively (and probably more healthy for you) is to decide you don't need any more evidence. He will destroy your mental and eventually physical health with the stress and anxiety of it all. You'll become a shadow of your former self if you continue down this road, so make a decision to simply call it a day. Nobody needs a reason to leave other than it's no longer working for them.

I’m not belittling. Obviously you can’t just walk out . Make plans though and don’t let him fool you .
Think of the facts .
comdom wrappers
sex at work (with you )
Medication for you or not
escorts .i mean that’s the major for me
cheating in the past

Of course it’s hard to accept but don’t wait for an sti or more and more lies and secrets .
Eating yourself up with worry.
Feeling like crap .
Have respect for yourself and say no more.

Just tell him you found the condom wrapper and now the ED tablets and you need a full explanation as to what he is playing at because under all assumptions you think he is sleeping with someone else

trust me!! i told him it was weird and just to do it over the toilet like a normal person.

and i know the cleaners don’t have the time, honestly i’ve thought about this all but he always finds a way to explain it all away.

like, deep down im not stupid but i need something irrefutable and undeniable before i make any long term decisions.

But you know he was messaging escorts. Aside from all the other weird shit, how is that not enough?!

Seriously, get out of this relationship, don't listen to another word of bullshit from his lying gob, raise your standards by about a mile, and move on into a life of happiness.

we have a very kinky shall we say relationship, and we speak openly about getting another woman involved so there’s no reason for him to cheat if he wanted something different or to spice with up. the trans escort thing, i found one instance of but he admitted himself he had messaged a couple of times prior to that.

he regrets cheating on his BM and openly tells me about it and how he ruined her and their relationship. he’s not proud of it but he is honest about it. i suffer severely with my MH so he says that ties into another reason he wouldn’t cheat on me: cause i match his freak sexually and he cares about my mental health too much

but ultimately people will always do whatever they want.

this has been the most helpful comment, thank you!

he works in a hotel and sometimes has to stay over as he’s on the breakfast shift. it’s easier than waking up at 4am every single day to get to work for 6am. he’s the head chef so he doesn’t have a choice

I know you don't want judgement but honestly given all the things that you have ignored- the using escorts, finding condom wrappers, cheating on his BM, normalising sex at work- and the fact you say you want to open up your relationship to a third person anyway I honestly don't see that you have any boundaries in your relationship.
Given all the other things in your relationship does finding this ED drug really matter? It almost seems normal in the relationship as you paint it on this thread.

Indeed. The tadalafil is, or should be, the least of your worries really, op.

my point is that we’re honest and open about EVERYTHING else so why hide the tablets?
our whole relationship is based on mutual trust and boundaries. it’s not like us talking about a threesome or swinging, means one of us is allowed to go out and act on these conversations without the other one present or agreeing to it.

just cause what works for us, makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean that it’s okay for him to cheat. clearly you’re not getting the effing point.

a relationship based on trust and mutual respect is what we’ve always had and you can’t have a relationship where you talk about things like that without it. if you have nothing else to say, especially if it’s going to be as nasty and pointless as your previous comment, don’t bother.

My post wasn't meant to be nasty and pointless.

Nothing that you have described points to openess in your relationship - his story about a posh wank? seeking out escorts etc? - what is open and honest about that?

And you clearly don't trust him - he has form for cheating in a previous relationship and you wouldn't have started this thread if you trusted him

As for what works for you: from what you have said in this thread it's not working for you.

If you were happy in your relationship then great. Get on with it. But why start the thread if you don't want people to comment on it? I thought you wanted an outside view point?

Good grief, you're trying to swallow down a whole lot of baloney from this guy. The multiple dodgy behaviours add up to boot the bugger.

I think you should just call it a day before you lose your mind. The cognitive dissonance of trying to believe him must be a killer.