Solo activities in relationships

[ERLP]

Hi all, I know this is a first post but please take it for what it is, I have been struggling with something for a little while and I feel I need to ask for opinion, or at least get it out there which may help me

i have been with my wife for 23 years now, married 19

We are really close, always have been, our sex life has always been good

sorry I don’t want to just go around the houses and ramble so I’ll say it outright..
so by chance a few years ago a found out she had been doing things solo, I wasn’t upset or anything, quite the opposite but when I asked her she went quiet and didn’t want to talk about it but said she didn’t often at all (she had a job at that point where she was away a couple of nights a week most weeks)
I respected that and never pushed it but long story short I’ve been aware she has been doing it let’s say far more than “not often at all”

now because I’ve respected her and not asked I’ll be honest it’s on my mind, daft I know but there you go
so if I’m honest I just want (no details) honest opinions
am I daft to worry about it, or worry is the wrong word, but wonder about it and why it’s increased?

sorry I don’t want to add detail and come across like it’s not genuine

if anyone wants any specific I’m more than happy to add context but I don’t want to say anything that’s taken the wrong way

any advice would be appreciated

You're allowed to use the word masturbation ffs

Apologies, just I didn’t want it to look like I was fishing.. I’m aware it’s my first post so I wanted to tread carefully

I'm presuming you're on about masturbation.

In which case, what exactly is the issue? Most people masturbate frequently.

None of your business how much she wanks.

It's totally normal and she can do it as often as she likes.

How often do you do it and does she quiz you about it? Or does she mind her own business and be glad you have a healthy sex life together?

Sorry, I havent explained it right

don’t worry, thanks everyone

Look outside your sex life for the answer. Women don’t have the same thoughts on sex men do. And yes sometimes we have sex just to keep you happy but isn’t that a good thing if she ends up enjoying it? She might honestly just feel like she wants to come but sex can be tiring or she may not have the time at that time. If she seems happy outside of sex she’s probably happy! Personally I wouldn’t worry if I were you

Thanks.. this was the kind of thing I was after, a woman’s POV

some times you need things explaining and I always find it’s easier to ask someone than bottle it up

thanks again

LOL I was expecting a thread about hobbies🤣

Your wife masturbates? What's the issue?

There are only ever mysterious hobbies that can't be named as they'd be outing on mumsnet.

Being controlling about partners wanking habits on the other hand 😂 is quite a frequent topic.

I absolutely don’t want control it her her in any way

sorry, it’s come across completely wrong and I’m sure that’s my fault

I can’t seem to find how to delete a post

Maybe if you explained what your worry is more clearly, perhaps your meaning got lost in your hedging language?

Alternatively you can report your own post and ask mnhq to take the thread down.

I've been married 10+ years and I do it probably 2x a week or more depending on where I am in my cycle. I KNOW my husband does it and sometimes we do it together or sometimes he wants to "finish watching his show" and ill go to bed and he can have some time to himself ✋️ as long as your sex life is healthy then what's he does in her own tie isn't your business

Thank you

honestly it wasn’t easy for me to try to get across what I was trying and I’ve obviously got it across very poorly but I don’t think I should try again as being jumped on immediately doesn’t lend you to want to 🫣

I’ve reported it so hopefully they take it down

You seem completely unable to explain what your issue is!

Haha, I’m acutely aware of that now 😂

The key thing, @ERLP, is that this is probably no reflection on you or your relationship at all.

Me too!! 😂

It's normal to masturbate. Everyone does it, I expect. The fact her masturbation had increased isn't a reflection on anything apart from the fact that she likes to masturbate. Perfectly normal and she seems to have a normal sex drive.

Female, 40s here. I can’t believe the attitude in the original post.

l enjoy fairly regular 1:1 sex and masturbate (let’s say the word, we are all adults here) once or twice a day. This usually includes first thing in the morning. An orgasm sets me up for the day, but the last thing l would want when half asleep is sex with someone else. The needs of both are so different.

Women are wired differently to men. I assume the OP knows about the wonders of the lovely clitoris and its magical wonders?

So, OP, do you never wank? If you don’t, I’m surprised. If you do, we are talking about double standards and misogyny.

Hi all, firstly thank you for taking time to respond

genuinely here - and I hold my hands up here - I have not put across what I mean correctly. I am neither a misogynist or hold double standards but I do admit I have really poorly put across what I was asking and that’s on me

I really was looking for advice to help me on how men and women think differ about such a topic

I have requested to delete the thread but the moderator said they don’t like to which is fair enough, it’s their site

please accept my apologies for coming across poorly, it wasn’t intended but I now realise this is the wrong forum for this

Ryan

I don't think you've come across poorly at all. Some people in a relationship do not object to the other masturbating. I know DP doesn't. Some, however, don't like it. Whichever camp you are in, your feelings are valid. I suggest you mention it to your wife and take it from there. If it's detracting from your sex life, she should take on board your feelings. If it isn't, I'd still mention it and then let it go slowly.

If another party does not like it, they are the one with the problem and they need to address their own difficulties. It is not for the person wanting a normal healthy life to change.