Husband read my diary on my phone then erased it

[Iloveautumn27]

The heading says it all really.
Have had a rocky relationship with my husband for several years now having been together for ten years plus.
A few years ago when I decided we probably needed to separate after finding out he’d lied, he somehow managed to read my emails and texts. No idea how he actually managed to do this.
I was trying to do something on my phone a few nights ago and my husband said he could help so I gave it to him for a few minutes. When I went up to bed I realised all of my texts to and from him had been deleted. When he came to bed I asked him about this and he denied it, said I was paranoid and to be careful of what I was accusing him of. The next morning I went on my laptop and retrieved the deleted messages to find he had gone into my ‘notes’ on iPhone, forwarded them to himself from my phone and then deleted all the texts. He had also wiped completely all of my ‘notes’ and then even deleted them from the deleted folder so they have permanently gone.
These notes were a bit like a diary - where I would mainly down things he had done that had upset me or things I was upset about generally. He can be very difficult to live with so this is a bit of an outlet for me I suppose. I don’t know what I am more upset about - that he has read these and it obviously must be hurtful for him or that he has invaded my privacy, deleted what’s sort of like a diary and then lied about it.
We haven’t spoken for two days now. I don’t really know what to do.

Well yes op. You do know what to do.

What an awful way to have lived for the last few fews

Dont make the same mistake for the next few years

You leave him, that's what you do. This relationship is over.
(And he's an arsehole.)

the two of you clearly aren’t right together

You should be more upset that instead of helping you like he offered, he read your notes, forwarded them to himself and deleted them. Break up with him. It sounds like he knows it's coming and he doesn't want you to be able to remember or check all of the awful things he did so he can wear down your resolve.

when you previously decided to separate… affair?

why didn’t you separate last time?

I will say nothing is permanently gone, so I would go to a local tech shop and see if they can be recovered. They might be helpful for when you divorce him.

He sounds awful. Anything to do with messing with other people's phones, deleting things, etc is a massive red flag. It's been going on since the invention of a dumb phone. Men manipulating women through communication devices that give them freedom.
Please leave him. You deserve so much better.

Just file for divorce.

He's a prick who dislikes you. You don't need 'notes' or 'evidence'. You just need to decide you are done with his shit.

I find that really sinister behaviour by your H.
Horrible controlling and lying behaviour.
I really think you should get out of this marriage

I agree, quite scary behaviour.

@Iloveautumn27 My abusive ex used to go through my phone, verbally abused and threaten each person then delete the numbers. Then he'd throw my phone out the window.
Seriously this is abusive behaviour. Please please leave x

End this relationship now. There's nothing else to be done. He's a sinister controlling creep of a man and you don't need him in your life.

If you have an Apple phone, you can retrieve deleted messages on the apple website.

And notes too i think. Via icloud.

I’m so sorry you’ve been living like this OP.
Howver you feel just now, you are strong enough and capable enough to leave this controlling relationship.

Guessing he did it so you don't have 'proof' of his shitty behaviour when you do finally grow a spine and tell him to get to fuck.

Accurate?

Wow, The "neck" of denying it is astronomically taking you for a fool.
Please leave this disgusting abusive creep.

I don’t think he’s had an affair but I did suspect he cheated on me a few years ago. I knew he’d lied to me but had no conclusive proof. I was about to leave - had seen a solicitor, been to see houses but then my son started getting anxious and upset and I couldn’t do it.
I was called a snoop and every name under the sun when I found out he’d lied despite never snooping at all. I could tell by his behaviour he’d lied. And yet now it’s the other way around. I think maybe you’re right and we’re just not right together. This shouldn’t happen in a relationship.

At the end of the day, you don't need to have any reason to leave so keeping a record of all his actions is pretty meaningless. You wont get a divorce any quicker, you wont get a better deal in the financial split.
How did you discover he’d lied?

Please leave this man. It will be better for your son in the long run. How old is your son? Do you have other children? You deserve some happiness away from this pig of a man.

You are in a highly abusive coercive relationship.
You desperately need to contact Women's aid.
Take this very seriously.
Lock everything down and get advice.
Have you people to support you?

how on earth is this kind of environment in the best interest of your child Op. Sounds hellish. He suffers from anxiety because of this home life

leave

Good grief what did I just read.

That is really sinister. Like someone said, lock everything down, quietly prepare to leave and don't hesitate to call women's aid.

Do not repeat your mistake of further remaining in such a sham of a marriage for the sake of your child. What do you want to teach your child about relationships and what are the learning here?.