Does my friend have feelings?

[RoyalMail99]

I have made a new friend this year, we met through someone we both know. After a couple of months, we’ve become what I would say are best friends. We speak every day, sometimes even all day long. For many months, we spent full days together. Let’s say we spent a whole day - we would part ways and as soon as we got home, we would be on the phone until 2/4am. He’s away at the moment and still calls me every morning and evening. I often speak with his relatives on the phone. Yet he hasn’t made a move on me. I have a couple of male friends who say he’s obsessed with me. But he seems to not want to make a move.

I’m starting to wonder if I’m an emotional crutch / support for him? Is this common? Usually when a man has spent this much time with me, he has a crush. I’ve given him chances. I can’t bring myself to make a move.

Have you asked him if he likes you as more than a friend? Or made it clear you like him as more than a friend?

Perhaps he isn't free to start a proper relationship with you ATM .Perhaps he has a commitment to someone else.

I don't know if this is a friendship or a fledgling romance but it shounds exhausting!

No - I can’t bring myself to

We spend almost waking hour together and have done so for 6 months so I don’t think he has someone else
I also know his family and other friends

I was thinking more in terms of a long distance relationship which even his family don't know about.

But you obviously know him really well.
So I think you would be as well bringing this out into the open with him and talking about where he sees your relationship going.

I had a friendship with a man who I spent hours talking to every day, we were just friends. It lasted years..

May I ask if you want it to progress further or if you would prefer to stay friends because you don;t mention that in your OP

Sounds intense for a friendship. In all my years I’ve never had a friend who I communicated with all day long! Do you flirt with each other?

Make joke and say ''about you feeling like his girlfriend, or say people have commented and due to the comments you have allowed it cross your mind and wouldn't be against that idea, and you're just putting it out there. Find a way to get it done 🥰

Are you sure it was just friends from his side too?

Yes I have feelings.

No I don’t flirt
my feelings developed over time
and I’m just not sure if he feels the same

Why don't you make a move on him? Why is it his job?

Respectfully though, this sounds intense and unhealthy as fuck for either a friendship or a romantic relationship, unless you're both 16, in which case crack on.

Because I value his friendship so much
I don’t want to run the risk of losing him if he doesn’t feel the same

He might feel the same OP and that's why he hasn't made a move.

Could you do your own version of the following ? (and I know the idea of this is probably very difficult)

Look I know this might sound a bit out of the blue as it was for me but I feel like I am starting to have feelings for you that go beyond straightforward friendship.

I don't want to ruin what we have as I really value our friendship on top of anything else, and want us to remain close whatever your feelings are.

Let's forget I ever said anything if you don't and carry on as we were. (If you feel able to obviously)

And just see what he says 🤔

So the plan is to continue this weird intense thing until the end of time then? Because he's obviously not making a move, he would have already done it by now if it was coming, and you're not making a move either so. What? Codependent limbo until he meets someone else?

So what’s the point of this thread? What if he’s sitting at home feeling the exact same way?

Surely the intensity of this can’t continue, it sounds a bit strange. It’s also stopping you from meeting someone who is brave enough to be in a relationship with you. You’re both holding each other back.

I’m dating others so open to other relationships

I’m just not sure if he feels the same

As someone said, wouldn’t he have made a move?

He might be worried about exactly the same thing you are OP! Have you got friends in common that could subtly sound him out for you?

No necessarily. I was talking to someone (on line as we didn't live close by) every day for 3 months and he hadn't suggested anything other than friendship. We had shared lots about our lives.

I finally plucked up the courage to suggest we meet up and he said 'gosh I thought you'd never ask'

He was too nervous and wasn't sure how I felt.

He may be madly in love with you but doesn't want to spoil the friendship either. And it doesn't have to (if you suggest your feelings are only just starting to develop and you are not in too deep)

I think sometimes you just have to take a risk. Worse case scenario is that he says he really values you as a friend but doesn't have romantic feelings. Yea possibly some temporary embarrassment but worth the risk? I think so
Plus I can imagine with you having these feelings for him, it's probably having an impact on you being able to fully commit to anyone else you meet too. It's a win win as at least you'll know where you stand.

If you're dating other people he probably isn't making a move as he thinks you're not interested or taken.

Yes we discussed it after about a year because neither of us thought our intense friendship would be fair if either of us became serious about a partner as the focus would be too split so we agreed to shut down the friendship if that happened, it didn't, neither of us had the time to find someone because we were too busy playing. I really mean that we were like 2 kids playing in the woods rather than BF/GF.

We never flirted, we shared nerdy interests, similar view and sense of humour. To say we wouldn't have ever thought about sex or having a relationship would be disingenuous we were single, available adult humans with a connection, of course we had an attraction of sorts, we just didn't want to change what we already had. I know this because we discussed the nature of our friendship several times and we both came to that conclusion every time.

We were both single when we met, there were casual relationships during the those years but nothing that looked serious. It ended because he became ill and died, we didn't fall out. That was 10 years ago, I still think of him

It occurred to me after I last posted that some people take a long time to make a decision on a new partner, some need to know their feelings are reciprocated. If you never flirt or discuss any of this kind of thing openly he may be wondering about your intentions and similarly confused.

Do you ever discuss the future with him or what you want or hope for from life?

Sometimes you just have to be open to a discussion about what you have and what you both want. It doesn't split worthwhile relationships or friendships, only the ones that weren't worth having anyway.

Hi op, any update. Did you confess your feelings or vice versa?

Yes do update us OP!