Unemployed, cheating partner

[Mumabearwithme24]

Hello,
I have a partner of 8 years and we have a 5 year old together. He has cheated on me twice in the past both actual affairs lasting for 2 and 3 months apiece.
He is currently unemployed and has been for 2 months. I’m finding it really hard to be sympathetic and am actually thinking about asking him to leave. It’s my house and he moved out for a year and a half after the first affair and contributed no maintenance money during that time. AIBU?

You will find you are better off. Money wise, emotionally and physically. Unemployed is one thing. Cheating another.

let your son grow up knowing his mother gave his father more than one chance but twice was the limit. Get rid today.

Of course he said that. Because he’s an abusive cunt.

I will categorically state that this ‘man’, and others like him, would never harm themselves. He’s manipulating you again.

Kick him out and seek some support as to why you feel you deserve to be treated with utter contempt like this. You don’t.

Yes, @Mumabearwithme24 - he's abusive. Threatening to harm himself is a form of control. Lots of abusive men use this as a way to keep their partner in line.

Cheating on you - unacceptable. Why did you take him back? You deserve better.

You paying for everything - unacceptable. He's a cocklodger.

You need a reset do you can recognise a relationship that's bad for you, and end it.

Right, you know he had to go. Timings though. Obviously get through this week and the weekend, keep focus on your ds and make sure there’s a clear week gone so he doesn’t associate Dad going with his birthday.

then youve got half term coming up, do you have childcare sorted? I would expect your ExP to be difficult even if you’ve said he can have time to move out, make sure you have a plan B for your work days. (Many a man who’s just lost their meal ticket decide to disappear and leave you with no childcare when you’ve got to work.)

I’d give him a max 2 weeks to a month to leave, otherwise you’ll be getting towards December and “you’ll ruin Christmas for ds”. Letting there be enough time for all to be settled before Christmas.

DS will still have a dad, just not one who lives with mum. And that’s fine if it also means mum is happier and mum has more money so DS’s life overall is easier.

Your son is only 6 but he’s mimicking his dads abuse towards you . Stop procrastinating and Stop the cycle OP before he becomes his fathers double

Thank you, it really helps to hear someone that doesn’t know me or him and just hears the facts say it like it is.

I’m in Scotland so October break is now and I’m off most of this week. Thanks for the helpful advice, the gap after birthday/ before Christmas makes sense.

Well that’s good - feared you’d tell him to go then he’d refuse to see ds over half term leaving you in a mess.

do you need him to do childcare for your normal shifts or can you cover that? Assume he’ll punish you by disappearing if it will make your life hard.

So he didn't cheat, he had affairs! For months! Twice!

Also, didn't pay for his own child.

What on earth are you doing op. Why do you hate yourself?

Get him out. Get a claim for cms in asap. And never let him darken your door again.

Partners are just supposed to be added joy and support to an already happy life. Not only is he not that, he's literally the opposite.

Get out and stay single for a few years learning to like yourself and your own company. Do the freedom program online so you don't date leaches again in future when you start to date again.

He was working night shift and would take him and pick him up from school most days. I can take him but would need help with pick ups. A family member has offered to help before but it would be tying for her.

he actually moved out to be with the first one, it lasted a couple of months. We weren’t getting on and he convinced me that that’s why he done it, because “I hated him”.
childcare, keeping my sons family together and money have kept me there. Also I did really love him at one point.
I didn’t hate myself when we met but I have zero self esteem now.

Hopefully with time apart from him you will find your self love comes back.

Ask your family member for help. That's what family is for. Within reason of course. But I'm sure they're probably just glad you've finally got rid of him.

I’d look into the costs of the after school childcare - given you’ll not be paying for food for a 2nd adult, that should balance out. (Plus you’ll get a discount on your council tax).

too should get CM eventually from him even if you have to out in a claim for it, but for now you are keeping him so even if you have to pay out for after school care some days you should end up better off.

You poor woman.
He really is scum and a shocking role model for your son.

He is absolutely abusive.
Controlling and manipulative.
His threat to self harm is abusive.
Tell him if he utters it again you will call the police and report it.
THEY can deal with his threats.
Tell him you are NOT responsible whether he lives or dies.
That is 100% on him.
What an utter loser.
Get him out asap.
You and your son deserve so much better than that selfish waster.

Some people are gaslit and invalidated so much that they question their own worth and whether they are doing the right thing.

Yes OP, you NEED to get him out. Don't let him make you feel bad. He didnt feel bad having affairs and lying and betraying the mother of his child, he doesn't feel bad sponging from you. His housing is not your problem.

Please get rid of him.

The fact you think you are being unreasonable is how he's done this to you.

Have all his stuff packed, out on the porch, and the locks changed. Do it tomorrow. Block him on all platforms, phone, text, social media.

It will suck, but it will give you the peace you deserve long term.