Unemployed, cheating partner

[Mumabearwithme24]

Hello,
I have a partner of 8 years and we have a 5 year old together. He has cheated on me twice in the past both actual affairs lasting for 2 and 3 months apiece.
He is currently unemployed and has been for 2 months. I’m finding it really hard to be sympathetic and am actually thinking about asking him to leave. It’s my house and he moved out for a year and a half after the first affair and contributed no maintenance money during that time. AIBU?

That’s a no-brainer. Get rid.

Less thinking, more doing. Go you. 💪

So he’s now unemployed, cheating, homeless and single I assume?
You and DC deserve better, I’ve got everything crossed you find the strength to chuck him out!

My son is about to turn 6 tomorrow and he loves his dad. I’m worried about the effect it’ll have on him. Also worried about where he would go, I’d feel guilty putting an unemployed person out of the house. He’s said he would harm himself.

They all say they'll kill themselves.

They invariably don't (pity, because it could free up much needed space for more worthwhile people)

Your son can still have a loving relationship with his Dad. He doesn't need to live with you and sponge off you to do that.

Cheated twice!!!! - Good God woman what on earth are you doing? Get him out!

Threatening suicide is a well-known control tactic.

He is bringing nothing to the table and you're better off dumping him. Yes, it will impact your son, but that is something you will have to manage and support him through. His father is hardly a glowing example of how-to-be-a-man, is he? A cheating jobless loser.

I didn’t want my son to not have his Dad living with us. But it’s wrecked my self esteem, I know I need to let go or I’ll end up mad.

Bin him. You can do better and deserve better. Model to your child that relationships should be built on mutual respect. Affairs and not paying maintenance are hugely disrespectful.

You want your son to grow up into being a worthwhile, productive adult who respects others don't you?

So why do you want him to grow up living with such a piss poor role model?

I’m a nurse and have always worked hard, but I know the male role model influences boys a lot. I know he’s seeing bad behaviours and that is one of the main reasons I’ve had enough.

Have you lost your mind OP.
This sad excuse for a father and partner is enprinting onto your son that men can lie cheat don’t work and treat their wife’s like garbage but it’s ok that’s what a real relationship looks like !
Hes a terrible father - stop enabling him and chuck him out

Why would you even waste your time on a man like that?
In your own home, too....🤯
Maybe it's my age.

I think you know the answer to this one!
Set a good example to your five year old and show this unworthy 'partner' the door. Once is a mistake. Twice is a p-take. Good luck. x

Give him a max of 2 months notice to find a place, or if he has family he can stay with, do it sooner. Where did he go when you split for a year?

I was struggling to pay for everything on just my wage, that had a lot to do with it. I can pay bills and have food on the table but no money for extras. That and wanting my son to have a family.

He rented a room locally, he has no family nearby.

I know and I can see a change in my son the last couple of months. He can be rude and short and I don’t want that to continue.

Ditch him, kick him out and apply for formal maintenance through CMS.

This!

Then you might find it helpful to do the Freedom Programme, so you can raise your boundaries for next time.

The devil makes work for idle hands. Think of all the spare time he has now for his 3rd affair. Except, it wouldn't be your problem if you let him go.

I’m past caring by this point! But yeah I definitely agree if men are busy with work and their families they’ve not got the time!

You think this is domestic abuse?

The question isnt really if you should end the relationship because you absolutely should. It more when. The relationship ending is inevitable. I know it tricky because you don't want your child damaged by separation. However, your child is being damaged by not separating. He's seeing his dad's shit behaviour and witnessing the impact if it on you. He's learning what a relationship should look like from you both.

With regards to when, I would wait for now because it's your son's birthday. I wouldn't want that overshadowed by a separation. Then you need to consider if you can get rid quickly in November or if your going to wait till after Christmas.

With regards to the suicide threats. You are not responsible for what he does to himself. I know lots of people use suicide threats as a manipulation technique. However, if he is absolutely serious then that's on him. You can't stay with a man who treats you badly because he may or may not hurt himself.

He cheats on you and has no job? Get rid of him. What does he offer you?