Page 3 | He cheated

ahhwotsits · 2024-10-11T08:02:46+00:00

Morning Mums netters, just here for advise and support really. I discovered last week my husband shared a passionate snog with a work colleague 2 years ago after the Christmas party. He was blind drunk and really has no memory of it (he says). The other woman's husband caught them. I'm utterly broken hearted- I thought he was a good guy and him being disloyal to me has knocked me sideways. It was just a kiss. That's been confirmed by all parties. BUT, how do I move on from this? Would love to hear from other people that have survived their relationship after something like this. To add he no longer works with her which is a relief!

Questionsquestions23 · 15/10/2024 22:17

I wish I could get past it - I wish I never knew - and now I know a bit I want to know everything which will never happen.

Washingforweeks · 15/10/2024 22:26

Imbusytodaysorry · 15/10/2024 20:53

@ahhwotsits so your dh still has regular nights out and still goes and gets really drunk regularly ?
…. Now you have found out , he is stopping drinking ?
He hadn’t thought to stop drinking or stay home with his dw and family , Instead of putting himself in positions that get him into trouble ?

Honestly if so then I don’t trust your husband . He was caught and didn’t tell you . Nothing has changed for him . How do you know you can trust him ? How do you know what else he does on nights out ?

This this this

BeNavyCrab · 15/10/2024 22:44

If it were me, the only way I could see it working is if he committed to never drinking at all in the future. You said he's got a problem with stopping and this happened under the influence. I would want him to show me that he values me and will be honest in the future, as well as never letting himself be able to be in the same position again. This would be the only way I would consider giving it a chance and I would tell him that if he ever drank again it would show me that he's not prioritising the family and it would be over. Otherwise every time he's out drinking, you'll have the worry of if he's become so drunk he can't remember or control himself. Id also want to go to family counselling so we could start the repairing properly.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I would have a real problem with the secrecy too.

dragongrl · 15/10/2024 23:04

You should find who the woman is girl friend

dragongrl · 15/10/2024 23:06

BeNavyCrab · 15/10/2024 22:44

If it were me, the only way I could see it working is if he committed to never drinking at all in the future. You said he's got a problem with stopping and this happened under the influence. I would want him to show me that he values me and will be honest in the future, as well as never letting himself be able to be in the same position again. This would be the only way I would consider giving it a chance and I would tell him that if he ever drank again it would show me that he's not prioritising the family and it would be over. Otherwise every time he's out drinking, you'll have the worry of if he's become so drunk he can't remember or control himself. Id also want to go to family counselling so we could start the repairing properly.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I would have a real problem with the secrecy too.

he should go to therapy to stop drinking.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/10/2024 23:46

Reminds me of love actually. You need to weigh up your options

baketray · 16/10/2024 06:39

BlastedPimples · 15/10/2024 21:40

Well, that's handy then that he doesn't remember.

And the next time when he's in bed with someone else, blind drunk?

It's just pathetic really.

not related to this thread

but how did yesterday go at work @BlastedPimples ?!

NAY0110 · 16/10/2024 10:25

This happened to me 2 years ago so i completely get it. I was on a family holiday and my partner went to watch the football got smashed with some lads he met out there and kissed some random girl in a sports bar ! I was fuming but we had only been together 8 months. It took a lot to get over this as one of the lads threatened to tell me so he came clean. I chose to forgive as this was a one time hiccup fast forward we have been together 3 years and were very solid . I think if he is remorseful and chooses to prove himself to you and you think its worth it then continue as you are . There's no right or wrong answer here really but i will say one thing. It WILL play on your mind

TalesOfTheGoldMonkey · 16/10/2024 17:34

Honestly, I think I'd let this go - It was two years ago and a stupid one-off.

Questionsquestions23 · 16/10/2024 22:15

BeNavyCrab · 15/10/2024 22:44

If it were me, the only way I could see it working is if he committed to never drinking at all in the future. You said he's got a problem with stopping and this happened under the influence. I would want him to show me that he values me and will be honest in the future, as well as never letting himself be able to be in the same position again. This would be the only way I would consider giving it a chance and I would tell him that if he ever drank again it would show me that he's not prioritising the family and it would be over. Otherwise every time he's out drinking, you'll have the worry of if he's become so drunk he can't remember or control himself. Id also want to go to family counselling so we could start the repairing properly.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I would have a real problem with the secrecy too.

Completely agree but the problem is the time that has gone by in between-free reign to do what ever - it the lies over years that’s broken me and probably OP x

Questionsquestions23 · 18/10/2024 20:01

Hope you are ok OP it’s a tough time x

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 18/10/2024 20:03

I'd be so angry about this, but I'd be even more angry that he lied and kept it from you for two years and would've never told you

Gettingbysomehow · 18/10/2024 20:15

When I was younger I would have forgiven my exH of 20 years for this without a thought.
But as I got older I realised that it was just one disturbing symptom of all of the things that were wrong with our marriage.
His tendency to get blind drunk at any occasion.
To do things like this whenever he was blind drunk.
Not actually having shared values, just pretending to.
Lying.
Being incredibly selfish.
Pretending to be vegetarian because I am then Leaving macdonalds wrappers and other meat in his glove box.
I wouldn't have cared if he ate meat. I was more concerned about the lying.
In the end I realised our marriage wasn't working.
I suggest keeping your eyes open. You may not have shared values.