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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you consider your husband to be your best friend?

121 replies

Thankfulforthislillife · 10/10/2024 17:48

Just that. I would consider my husband my best friend. We met through a common interest in a hobby and hit it off instantly and we’ve literally been inseparable since. Yes we have arguments but they’re few and far between. I see so many people on here complaining about their husbands and it makes me so angry that some men are so useless and don’t value their wife as a person and a friend. I was in a very abusive relationship in my younger years and honestly there’s not a day goes by where I don’t feel so thankful that my husband is my best friend (and that he’s also very easy on the eye but I’m biased lol!).

OP posts:
Aboutmaleneighbour · 10/10/2024 19:00

I am exactly like you. My husband is my best friend, and we have a complete trust between us. Love, support. He saved my life 3 times, literally. And sold his house to support my education. I would do anything for him to support him in return. We are absolutely both dedicated to each other. And we don't share same past, country of birth or even culture.And we are very different people, with many different interests, and age gap between. And yet, I feel the happiest woman and wife alive. Especially, as you said, there are such terrible partners around, posting here, so many unhappy people. I feel very grateful and privileged. I would advise anyone who wishes the strong marriage, that HONESTY, TRUST, DEDICATION & CONVERSATION ( problem solving issues) are 4 absolute corner stones, and strong foundation of every strong marriage.And in action, not only in words. And also internal work. I had so many unhappy relationships in the past. Only when I worked on my self, internally things changed for me, for good. And my husband today, is the actual external result of developing kindness and love for myself. He is everything to me. I would put sex in the last place, in order of importance for happy marriage, save for making children.

Cynic17 · 10/10/2024 19:05

No. My best friend is my best friend! Husband is a completely different relationship.
I find it even more odd though when someone says their mother/daughter is their best friend. Parent and adult child is very definitely a whole other ball bame.

Cynic17 · 10/10/2024 19:06

StarSlinger · 10/10/2024 18:29

i don't tell my DH everything. He doesn't need to know every single thing I do. Nor do I expect him to tell me everything. We are still individual people.

Absolutely this.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/10/2024 19:09

Yup. I have friends that I can talk to/let off steam/generally have us laughing out loud, but that is underlined by the absolute confidence that my best mate of all, the person I'm safest with, the one who has been there at my absolute lowest, my worst health, my stroppiest, my nicest and my most vulnerable, the one who has let me see his lowest moments, is there.

He's the person I don't always need to talk to because we can say a thousand words and tell a hundred jokes through gestures, a twitch of an eyebrow or just through not saying anything.

We were friends first, but when we finally got around to getting it together, it just felt absolutely natural and as though we'd always been together.

I was running late leaving work today, tired and pissed off waiting for the bus. He managed to finish work a bit earlier for a change. Once I'd slumped into the seat and sighed with relief, he came bouncing down the stairs from the top deck grinning and saying 'I hoped I'd catch you!'. And I know my face absolutely lit up because him being there, even though we'd be home soon enough anyhow, just made the end of my day so much better.

Took a long time to meet somebody who's as much of a twat as me, but it's been worth it.

Rocknrollstar · 10/10/2024 19:12

Most definitely. We’ve always been best friends.

Tontostitis · 10/10/2024 19:13

Best friend and worst toddler I've ever had to deal with

MagicianMoth · 10/10/2024 19:16

I would, yes. We were friends before we dated. I have a strong female friendship group, and two sisters, and I am very close to them, but none of them are my "best friends"

Newlittlerescue · 10/10/2024 19:24

Yes. Met at university and were best friends for 5 years before we dated. It occurred to me on holiday this year that there is no one else I would rather spend the time with. That's not to say we always get on, but ultimately he is my favourite person.

DoloresHargreeves · 10/10/2024 19:24

No, he's my family but not my best friend. My best friend is a woman who I went to school with, I love her very much and tell her everything. She knows everything about me and I wouldn't know what to do without her.

It's nice that you feel that about your husband, but I don't really get the feeling sorry for people who don't have the same relationship. We're all different, some of us prefer to distinguish best friend from family.

stayathomer · 10/10/2024 19:26

Was joint with my best friend until he told me this year he’s not sure he loves me anymore 💔

StressedQueen · 10/10/2024 19:26

Yes always 🙂But I have best friends who are women and they are who my actual best friends. DH is family. But then again my best friends feel like family.

Rubyandscarlett · 10/10/2024 19:28

Colinfromaccounts · 10/10/2024 17:58

No. He’s my husband. We have a deep connection but it’s a romantic relationship and life partnership with all its ups and downs. My best friend is a woman and I need that relationship with another woman in my life.

Same here.
My best friend has been there all my life, dh hasn't.
Totally different dynamic.

EngineEngineNumber9 · 10/10/2024 19:28

Yes. And actually my only friend, but I like it that way. I’ve moved around so much I never managed to keep friends. But I’m extremely close with my family. My mum is probably my second best friend 😂

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 10/10/2024 19:28

I never used to but over the years he’s been more a best friend than my friends and after my last best friend betrayed me I realised no one would ever have my back like him.

princesspeppax · 10/10/2024 19:32

Yes

ElinorDashwood68 · 10/10/2024 19:33

Yes

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 10/10/2024 19:38

Yes

NaanAnaan · 10/10/2024 19:43

So many “yes” answers on this thread.

Mine is a “no”. It is a sad one; I really did think dh was my best friend when we married, but in year 3 he clarified that I was emotional high maintenance and he could not be that “best friend” to me. I had lost my dad to cancer, got stuck in a very stressful job and had our first baby + pnd, so I guess I was “a lot”, and I had over-shared or over-burdened or over-something-elsed.

So he hasn’t been my best friend since. I struggle with that.

Nezuko22 · 10/10/2024 19:44

Yes. I don’t really understand how you can live with, share a life and be intimate with someone you don’t consider your best friend tbh!

I do find there is a bit of a split on mumsnet though. Some women choose husbands out of love and connection, some women choose husbands a bit like how they would choose a new car, reliability, mileage, that they can bring to them essentially.

Abracadabra12345 · 10/10/2024 19:45

Colinfromaccounts · 10/10/2024 17:58

No. He’s my husband. We have a deep connection but it’s a romantic relationship and life partnership with all its ups and downs. My best friend is a woman and I need that relationship with another woman in my life.

I think this is closest to how I feel.

I also don't want us to be "inseparable", that sounds suffocating.

HideousKinky · 10/10/2024 19:46

Yes

BeetrootBum · 10/10/2024 20:06

Absolutely. But then, he's my only friend - I don't have any others! Even if I did, I can't imagine liking anyone else as much or getting in with them better.

MumblesParty · 10/10/2024 20:12

What’s the definition of a best friend?
I have a partner of 8.5 years, not married but very close, and will get married eventually when my kids are grown up.

If I want a laugh and a chat about the old days over lunch, I’d choose one of my old university friends.
If I want to talk about an issue specifically related to my job, I’d choose one of my friends who do similar jobs.
If I want to ask about teenagers, I’d choose one of my friends with teenagers.
I talk to my Mum every day, we’re very close.
If I needed a hug, I’d choose my partner. My partner is the one I’d turn to if something awful happened, and he’s the one I want to see most often. He’s the one whose absence I’d notice most if he disappeared.

But I don’t see this as a “best friend” situation. I have a team of people I want and need in my life!

Geranen · 10/10/2024 20:21

Yes, annoyingly, because he pisses me off so much sometimes. But he is the person I have the most in common with, share the most passions and interests with, and can have the longest and best conversations with.

StasisMom · 10/10/2024 20:27

Wowzel · 10/10/2024 17:49

It depends if he has annoyed me lately, but usually yes

Ha ha yes!!