Is the male neighbour harassing me,or is it something else?

[Aboutmaleneighbour]

Please for any men here to also comment. Please bear with me, it is a very long story, 1 year span of events.

A new male eighbour moved in our neighbourhood a year ago. He introduced himself to my husband, was friendly initially, asked my husband if he can help if anything happens to his house as he regularly goes away ( we live in a row of 3 cottages ) and gave his phone number. His almost always coming and going with different cars, although there is also one " regular" car we see him drive.
Digression: in between us is a younger female neighbour, who has a stalker(s), and we have no communication with her now, as she decided to erect an extension fence on our side, and she stopped saying even hello to my husband.Before that, we were hardly on just " hello" terms, as we found old rock solid dog poo chucked on our lawn overnight (over already high fence between us, at that stage), and her harasser decided to send a sordid message to her via a local community newsletter 2 years ago, that was put through our letterbox, instead of hers ( her name was clearly on the newsletter). Meanwhile, her dog died, because it was permanently shut indoors for 2 years, as she almost never took the dog for a walk, and it was a rescue dog. Her ex left her around that time 2 years ago and moved out, and she found a new boyfriend very quickly after,although continuing to live alone.

So when male new neighbour came,he initially communicated only with my husband. BUT, he decided to never say even " hello" to me and never introduce himself to me ( knowing full well I am the wife- my husband is much older than me, male neighbour is my age). So, I thought that is strange, especially as he asked my husband for favours. So to give him opportunity I went one day to empty rubbish, and in the car park there were 2 or 3 men fixing a car ( at this stage I did not know which one is the neighbour and which were the visitor friends helping him with the car). I looked briefly at all of them, but they all gave me just blank deadly serious looks, and no one said even hello. Just to say I am white, of foreign origin, with an accent. And I am certain that the new male neighbour knew this, as he must have heard me talking to my husband in the garden, where we spend a lot of time in summer. We all live in close proximity. At this stage I was livid, and thought this "non friendly attitude" is because of my ethnicity. We live in remote English countryside on a large estate, with a titled landlord ( hereditary peerage). Then I found out that male neighbour comes probably from a similar background, as he likes shooting wild animals for sport, and asked permission from our landlord to shoot on his land. (Also, I met his mother while I was on a country walk, by accident, a lady who had a very posh accent, and said she was his mother and visiting). The male neighbour bought the smaller property, at the end, while we and female neighbour are renters of larger parts. In the meantime, male neighbour asks my husband again a favour, can he take some garden slabs we have extra, and my husband and I decided to say yes, without asking for any compensation , even though he was unfriendly towards me. But,slabs remain uncollected from car park ever since. Just to say, I was not in any way physically attracted to this man. For some time, I was angry that I am discriminated, and gave no eye contact, or body language to him as a cue to communicate with me, in any way whatsoever. I just completely shut him off, because of this arrogant attitude. This guy said to my husband he works for mod and secret service ( this is true story, I am not inventing anything), and he knows my husband worked there in the past, and my husband is former SAS.
For more than 8 months, I never saw him speaking to our female neighbour at all at this stage. Then, over the period of time, I felt sorry for him, he seemed to live a very lonely life, and I did not want to be anti social completely, so 2 times only while in car park, I initiated a luke warm hello, just to ease off the awkwardness, acknowledge his presence, and it was always at the distance. But it was always on my initiative, which was annoying, but I thought at least I can do that, for the sake of neighbourly relations. Then suddenly, one day, I was gardening together with my husband ( I am housewife,my husband is retired), outside our property, he came up jogging with his dog. And I gave a friendly hello, but in return, I received ' a look' and and a bit "too friendly" hello, if you know what I mean, while he completely ignored my husband, not saying hello to him at all, or looking at him. This took both me and my husband by surprise. And we both talked later about this between us. Since then, I completely AGAIN shut this guy off, giving him no eye contact or body language that I want any kind of interaction with him whatsoever. In fact, I was doing my utmost not to find myself in his presence at all, and was turning my head away even if he passed us by his car, while we were in our car. He will still message my husband, appeared to ask for things, but my husband would give him only strained hellos from here onwards.

Then shooting happened. I had a lovely summer day with my husband, one day, in sunshine, we were chatting in the front garden, and then suddenly I saw the male neighbour with silencers and a shot gun, slowly walking away from our car park. A couple of minutes later, we both felt as if someone shot at us and missed us. It was so close,and loud, it scared the life out of me, I quite literally ran into the house immediately. My husband was a sniper in SAS, and he knows more about weapons than me, and he agreed this was very close. He then went and had, in the next 3 days, 3 separate talks with the male neighbour about this shooting. The neighbour first denied he fired the shots, but was apologetic, said he wants good neighbour relations, how he is always at the distance, has landlord permit to shoot on his land, blah blah. My husband did not tell him we actually him with the shot gun a few min before shots were fired. This is first time I thought him very weird, and something is odd with him.

So, at this stage, after more than 8 months into his moving in, he suddenly decides to befriend the female neighbour, and they hit it off, like they know each other for years. He carries her groceries, goes to her house when she is alone, organise extended family get togethers with her, while her new boyfriend is there as well. He also continues to ignore me, whether I am alone in car park area, or with my husband, saying hello to my husband, but nothing to me, and he appears to have a sour face whenever I am there present, alone or with my husband. While at the same time, he has this very friendly loud verbal interaction with our female neighbour ( so he has no problem communicating perfectly friendly with other " engaged" women, just I am not one of them).
Then, suddenly the female neighbour dog dies, and this is when I learn my female neighbour has a stalker, and the stalker has "proxies". Until this moment, 2 years ago, I thought the message we saw on community newsletter was just some local grudge, a one off. So, I never even told her about it. But, now dog dies, and after that a large 3 piece banner appears on her front gate, in car park,for all of us to read, and hangs there for more than 24h! She did not remove it, until my husband had to prompt her boyfriend to ask her to remove it, as it was distressing. And it says " Happy Fucking Birthday". I was so shocked to read this, at the same time I learned her dog died. I felt very sorry for her ( again, my mistake), I wrote condolences letter, offered help, and gave her a large bouquet of flowers from our garden, and left at her doorstep, as she must have been asleep. She has security cctv camera on her front door.
Subsequently, in coming 2 weeks, to my complete shock and surprise, she never responded to this, and erected the fence extension upwards on our side only, and stopped talking to us completely. Meanwhile, she buddies with the male neighbour. Before she does all this, old dog poo appears overnight on our pristine lawn, and at the time I thought it must be her stalker leaving that poo. I didn't think it may be her, or her visitors, at the time. Because, we didn't do anything to anyone. Why would someone turn on us?

At the time I was intent to check what cars are coming and going, in car park, and I wanted to catch this bugger who is doing this, in action. Also,in remote countryside, burglaries and thefts are frequent, and we have valuable tools in 2 sheds.So you have to be vigilant, and my husband is the same as me.
And one day, in the morning, in car park, preparing certain things on our car, I heard muffled sounds. I went to look are there familiar cars parked, and as I was doing this, the male neighbour opens the upstairs window of his house, while talking loudly on his phone,and began staring at me, in a way like " what are you looking at?" . I felt immediately intimidated, but I am not a fearful woman, and I do not accept anyone to intimidate me in this way, so I stared back, being very serious, to send a message " you cannot intimidate me". Then I left.

After this, there was a "road incident" with the male neighbour, who never said hello to me( unless I initiated), and who arrogantly ignored me since he moved in, while asking favours from my husband. And who gave me looks. I went on my daily country walk one day. His car was not on the car park. After 1 hour walk, I was alone on this isolated country lane, where a very few cars pass by, and a few tractors. I never had a problem with anyone on this road. It is a single track, so as a walker you need to move on the verge, to let vehicles pass. Sometimes I wave, sometimes I don't. I heard a car coming from behind me, so, I moved in good time sideways, to let it pass, without waving or acknowledging the driver, as it was coming from behind. But, the car suddenly slowed down ,and stopped completely in front of me. So I looked and realised it is the male neighbour. So now I couldn't walk forward, as he is on the road in front of me. He didn't say hello, he didn't wave. Just stared in his right wing mirror, like being serious. And I decided to completely ignore him, but, he is still static for more than 5 seconds. Then he drives away slowly, like walking pace, and I had to wait a long while until he drives off.

15 min later, on my way back, his car appears again. I am now shocked to see him again. He drives very slowly again towards me, this time facing me, and I moved sideways to let him pass, without actually having eye contact to him, and he has his window down, but says no hello, no wave, nothing. Just this creepy silence. So, I wait a long time for him to pass me, and then he stops. Now, it is a longer stop, and he blocks me with his car, so I cannot get of the verge onto the road. And he stares at me at his right wing mirror. I didn't feel intimidated, or harassed at first. I thought he maybe fancy me, and wants my attention in this creepy way. But, 2 days later, talking with my husband in detail about everything, I had 3 day paranoid episode that this guy stalked me with hostile intentions, and that female neighbour somehow contributed towards those hostile intentions towards me. I had to stop my husband going round to his place to tell him off. We even considered going to the police. Anyway, we did nothing in the end. We at one point wanted to move away from here. My husband walked with me for a few days. We changed the road I walk on. My husband drove me to walking destinations. We avoided that road for good 10 days. So all calmed down for a while.But, I am worried he may do it again, and I have always my phone with me. And I prepared a strategic plan with my husband what to do if it happens again.

Please share your thoughts with me. Anyone,especially men.What is going on?
It will be greatly appreciated. And it will help me cope with this.

Your whole story is specious at best.

On the basis of being real I would suggest - belatedly - that you mind your own business and leave your neighbours to their own.

Because, firstly, it may be an " accident ". He fired by forgetting people are close by. He had ear defenders. We did not see him actually firing at us. We heard shots at close range, close by, and both of us jumped. Also reporting someone to police is a serious thing. You can damage someone reputation, and it may have been unintentional or careless on his part. We wanted to resolve things by my husband talking to him. And we did not hear him shoot so close by again. But it was awkward, and affected our communication later.

I am more concerned with the car thing which happened later, more recently. Everyone talks about shooting, but the car thing is way more creepy. My husband is more relaxed. I only mentioned my husband military past, because he has direct experience how far away was fired etc. Because I was not imagining it is close by. My husband collaborated. But he is more relaxed. This never happened to me before. I like country walking, and now I have to avoid certain areas. It is just a burden.

Can you pleeease add a trigger warning before you use the C word please. The summer has only just ended hasn’t it.

I mean...... what.

When you receive karmic return of your actions, you would be more careful how you treat people online and in person. They will remember my words.
Jesus wept, surely OP isn't very well, who the fuck posts like this??
All this imagined behaviour by neighbours who clearly do not want to engage with OP and sniper man, the female has put up a fence: take the hint she's not your friend, the male if the car incident is true,
is clearly hoping he can scare you into fucking off.

@Aboutmaleneighbour thank you so much for your wishes that me and my loved ones get to experience what you have, I see you have also blessed many other posters with this absolute batshit scenario that is very unlikely to happen to anyone ever lol but that will teach us all not to take the piss won't it.

It sounds as it has been going on for too long and you find it too upsetting. Perhaps you could explain that to DH and suggest a move.

Well if you think everything is down to karma…what did you do to deserve this then?!

Ok, thank you for your reply. It is appreciated. And your positive attitude. Thank you for making effort. There was another female neighbour who was in close communication with her, a while back. And she told us later, in so many words, like female neighbour is in trouble, and she worried about her. Cctv etc. But we didn't connect the first message. I didn't think stalking at that time.

I did not tell her about the first message, as I did not want to give bad news to anyone, and I did not want her to feel upset about it. I did not think of it as " stalking", like it is something serious. Because it came through a village contact, I thought it was some local thing. She has local origins here, so many people know her, or her family. I was also upset I had to read that. So, somone passed the buck on us, using us as proxies, without delivering in her letter box. So, we did not want to be used, get my point?

She was also lying to me, in the past, about a thing, which made me be more weary of her. Other female neighbour experience was worse than mine. And she bitterly regretted it. So, I saw that as a warning sign, so I kept quiet.

The dog was almost permanently inside. You can hear everything through the walls, without being noisy. The whimpering. Other neighbour knew that also. I do not know if dog died of that, or illness, or was killed. I do not know. She told us it was a rescue dog.
All I know, when banner appeared, dog also died, same time. and her boyfriend told us her dog died.

I do not mind her at all. I do not mind her attitude towards me, have no problem with indifference at all. If she didn't like flowers, ok. Just fencing is just a bit anti social, and just happened after gifts. I am all for indifference, believe me. But someone chuck a poo in our garden, after her dog died. Like, I am now, like, this ex, or a dude, who knows who is harrasing her, but someone is now affecting us.

And this guy is weird, and since he befriended her, he became weirder. That how they are linked.
Reporting someone to police is a serious thing. And can damage people's reputation. It happened only once. We seriously considered going talking to him, exactly as you said. But, the shooting already happened, and going talking again to him was like, we didn't want to be complaining neighbours, you know. I wished to think, with the car, it is just a guy who wanted my attention, in a weird way. My husband was also angry at the time I was going through all that. I wanted everything to calm down. I am totally fine with that. No problem. But I cannot be certain what was in his head. All men here commented, he def didn't fancy you, which leaves me to think he is a bit sociopathic. How do I know?
I still believe indifference is the only thing. I really wish I am over thinking.

You know, I just went through a difficult period, it is real people feelings. I don't know if this is just an accident. I just wanted help from others.

Sounds like something from The Watcher.

If this man stopped his car literally infront of you on a country lane and just looked at you through his mirror, then proceeded to drive at a walking pace infront of you, then he is categorically mentally unstable.

No sound of mind male individual would do that to a female neighbour. Surely

You know, this is real people, with real feeling, real experiences, that came here for help, I didn't have anyone to talk to, save for my husband. And you are making fun, a joke of someone's suffering. How unkind is that?

Well that is time I'm never getting back.

I am a real person, with real problem, experiences and feelings. I came here for help. I had no one to talk to. I live in a foreign country. And you are poking fun at people desperate for help.

I think you read meaning into things, and might be seeing links between incidents that might be random and unrelated. For example, its possible you had a stray dog, a cat or a fox in your garden, rather than someone threw dog muck on your lawn.

I mentioned my husband military past because he has experience with close range shooting noise, I did not imagine ,he collaborated. I am a real person, with a real problem, and I came here for help, I needed to unload, and you come here, to laugh at other people's pain and problems.

Can't your husband simply kill him and make it look like an accident? I thought they taught them how to do that, in the SAS. They just use a finger in the right place.

I wish it is a harmless thing, a fancy, because otherwise the car thing is sociopathic creepy. I agree that we may overthink.

This happened in course of 1 year.not in one week.

Neighbours or whoever chuck poo in our garden, I didn't do that to them. My husband was anything but welcoming and kind to thus guy. I did not behave oddly, save that I was trying to avoid them and be indifferent.

Ok, the staring may be misunderstanding. And the shooting. But the car thing was creepy, if it is not harmless. So that is why I wish it is a harmless fancy.

I came here, because I needed help.

He doesn’t come round with some pegs and call your husband Dave does he? If so just be prepared he might say “oh you’re my wife now” and lead you away.

When you go on your daily constitutional do you have a local shop that’s only for local people?

I expect your response will be to wish me bad karma, I already have batshit neighbours though, I actually went to the police about mine as it seemed the most sensible option rather than just monitoring them. If DP had been an SAS sniper I expect I’d have felt less intimidated but I can shoot better than him! My nephew is in the air cadets but he’s busy at school and playing out on his bike or I’d see what he has to say about it all.

Why did you think the “happy fucking birthday banner” was some sort of sinister threat? That confused me a bit, that and why do you do a daily walk that seems to be set in stone?
I apologise if I’m concentrating on the wrong details.

An SAS soldier using a finger in just the right place...ok, now this thread is getting interesting 😍

I'm actually impressed you found it dull up until now

Before I read it all I asked ChatGPT for a summery, I get the suspicion the bot didn’t read it all though!

A new male neighbor moved in a year ago and initially introduced himself only to my husband, ignoring me completely. He asked my husband for favors but never acknowledged me, even when I tried to initiate contact. I felt this was due to my ethnicity, as we live in a remote area with a specific social dynamic. Over time, he became friends with our female neighbor, who has her own issues with a stalker, and the situation became even stranger. He began ignoring my husband too while being overly friendly toward me, giving me unsettling looks and blocking me with his car during walks. His behavior has left me feeling uncomfortable and concerned for my safety. My husband and I have considered reporting this but are unsure. I would appreciate any advice, especially from men.

This is what ChatGPT summarised but missed out lots of the main plot.

I really really truly appreciate your answer. This is maybe the best response I received. Bless you. It is really helpful to get out of my head, and read other people's objective perspective that is genuine and very realistic option.Thank you. Thank you.

Is your AI friend male or female, @Minimili? Because op is less interested in responses from women

Strangely enough, very similar ( think very similar) happened to me once.