Would you be upset by this or am I overreacting?

[Brancbabe]

I have 2 sisters, we are all close and close to our mum. Called in to see my mum last night and she said she had made an apple pie if I wanted a piece. I said yes please. Went into the kitchen and there was 3 pies, she said oh I made those 2 for yous sisters and the other one was half eaten between her and my dad. I said oh what about me? And she said what would you need a full apple pie for, I made those for your sister and their husbands, 2 adults. Bear in mine I’m a single mum to 3 kids so there’s definitely other people to eat the dessert in my house too. Sisters have no kids. She said I’m overreacting and I can have the rest of hers. Maybe I am but I just felt hurt at the sight of 2 whole pies made sitting wrapped up lovely for my sisters and me an after thought

Agree with this.
Very odd behaviour though and I would be hurt too. Especially as you have DC.

I also wondered if its actually about privileging men and couples. In theory you have more people in your household but no man/husband..
Is you mom just a tad traditional ?
Doesn't make it ok.. id be pissed off and tell her but I'd call it out for what it is and see if she can take that in .

Yes, I would be miffed. Is your Mum a 'traditional'wife? I would say the pies are for the men. My Mum is always banging on about feeding the hungry men, and as she and my Dad don't drive, it's always me that has to take them to medical appointments, because the 'mens jobs are clearly much more important, despite the fact that mine is the most high pressure and demanding. After 23 years in my job she hasn't got her head around the fact I work full time either!

If you usually have a good relationship with her, it is probably as others have said, her thinking that ladies only need a small slice whereas men can wolf down an entire pie in three bites.

I went to a wedding once where there was a gentleman's menu and a ladies menu. Bride's old fashioned parents were paying and they decided on that. We were not allowed to deviate from them and most women would have preferred what the men had. The bride and groom themselves were mortified.

This is probably the reason. You get help in other ways, so she thought she’d do something nice for your siblings.

I can see how it would be a bit galling, though.

She’s probably made them for your dad and brother in laws - don’t let it upset you there’s too much negativity and reading into it in this post.

You say she does a lot for you - is she free childcare etc so feeds your kids regularly?

Could it be that she does a lot for you so is doing something nice for your siblings?

Sounds like she is cooking for men TBF. Weird.

It sounds annoyingly sexist - prioritising feeding the men when you have three children plus you in your household.

The only other thing that occurred to me is - are your children fussy eaters? Mine would happily eat apple pie but a lot of their friends would baulk at it and not touch it. My daughter told me there was apple crumble for pudding at after school club last week and lots of the kids were all "eeeeww, that looks gross, I'm not eating that, cooked fruit, eeewww" . That's the only other thing I can think of beyond sexism/favouritism.

I would be upset too. Would your children eat the pie? If not, is she thinking is is something they wouldn't want? Personally, I would make the same for everyone, or not at all because I would know that it would be unfair to give one daughter less, regardless of who they live with. If anything, I would make more of a fuss over my grandchildren and make sure they had it first. Your mum is wrong on this one. She may not realise it, but she is definitely in the wrong and someone should let her know. If I was your sister and knew what had happened, I would talk to my mum about it to help her understand why this is hurtful.

My mum used to do so much for my elder brother and sister. Never me.
Apparently I never needed her which was true

I'd be upset by that too. And I'd be more inclined to bake for my grandchildren than able adults.

It is annoying & hurtful.

My MIL used to make (terrible) Christmas cakes every year. One for her & FIL and one for each of her children.

My DH loves marzipan but hates icing. Every year we would get a cake with no marzipan & lots of icing and MIL would tell DH how she had thought about his preference and made him a special cake. Every year we would say thanks and then I would remind her he didn’t like icing but did like marzipan. Every year for 30 years we did this dance.

DH doesn’t have a close relationship with his parents due to the many small like this.

Fraid i would tell her where to stick her pie.

Yeah I understand why you were hurt

Make some cakes for your sisters but don't make one for her and see the reaction!
Am I petty or what?

Can you talk to her about how it made you feel?

Do you think she feels closer to you and your kids, as if you are included with her in a way?

I think she's worried her son in laws will feel deprived by their slattern wives not baking for them - and so is making the apple pies to keep everyone happy in the marriage.

She doesn't need to worry about this nonsense for you.

This is what my lovely old fashioned mum does for DH - she always makes his favourite dinners when we go over as I don't cook and it's a shame for him. 🙄

Yes this would upset me too

That’s sad, but maybe what the other said about the men is right, however I’m sure her grandchildren and you would love one, maybe say that. Maybe she thought the kids wouldn’t appreciate it as much and you don’t need a whole one?

Maybe she didn’t think your children would eat apple pie. Maybe she wasn’t expecting you to drop in. Maybe she ran out of apples. Maybe she thinks you prefer shop bought. Maybe she thinks you have more time to bake and cook from fresh yourself. Maybe …
I would probabiy have said something like “my children are going to be so jealous when I tell them I had a slice of grandmas delicious apple pie” and see what she said. Or just say, “mum, this is SO good, any chance you could make me one next time, please. It’s so much better than I make/ shop bought”.

Sounds like she thinks she's trained you as a good wife so you should cook her DILs are lacking so she needs to take care of her men....very odd.

I'd be really hurt by this too.

I ain’t no one’s wife!! Her excuse is that I don’t need a full one.

Agree with this x