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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Happy and sad, don't know what to do

33 replies

BlondieLady · 09/10/2024 20:41

I have been married for 30 years. Very happy and loving relationship for the first 20 years. My DH has ED, won't talk about it or see a doctor. We haven't had sex for about 20 years. He is not interested in other ways of being close. We get on well but I really miss how close we used to be, I miss hugs and kisses. I have recently been meeting up with a man who I get on really well with. We talk and message a lot. We have hugged and kissed. He lives with his partner but they are not intimate. I know I should stop seeing him but I am finding that difficult. He makes me unbelievably happy when I'm with him. I also feel sad and long to be with him when I am not with him. I know the other option is to leave my DH but is that really the best option. My DH would be devastated and we would both lose our life together, our home etc for something that may not go any further. I don't know what the answer is. I really never thought I would look at another man, I feel in shock with myself but don't know how to come to my senses. Can anyone who's been in this situation give me any advice.

OP posts:
Lightsonlightsofflights · 09/10/2024 21:07

Your DH has put you in an impossible situation. People need physical affection unless they decidedly don’t. You never made a choice to be physically celibate, you agreed to build a life with someone who then imposed this on you.
People are allowed to change their mind about their sexual desires but to impose this on you without any discussion or support to find a solution that works for you is cruel and isolating. You have essentially been backed into a corner and it’s not surprising that the idea of being close to someone else is an appealing concept.
This isn’t your fault.
That said, there is more to a relationship than sex and you have a lot to lose.
20 years is a long time to have accepted the absence of intimacy but I suggest you start by speaking to your DH and trying to convince him to open up. Not to push him into being sexually active again or to tell him there is another man on the scene, but to let him know how the lack of physical intimacy is affecting you. My assumption is that an open honest conversation may go a long way toward healing wounds. But of course you may not get that, which could help you make up your mind one way or another.

Redplenty · 09/10/2024 21:07

Oh gosh that's hard. I think it's reasonable to discuss again your (very reasonable) need for some form of intimacy. But you need to decide in advance what is enough. Cuddles on the sofa? Kisses and foreplay? Or does it have to be sex? He needs to decide whether he's prepared to see a doctor. If he isn't, and you need more than he can offer, then you need to broach finding it elsewhere if everything else is good in your marriage. A tough one to navigate.

gamerchick · 09/10/2024 21:12

You need a proper conversation with your husband. Tell him you don't want to live the rest of your life without intimacy and you both need to discuss your future and what splitting up will look like. Put this other dude on the back burner for now. He's a symptom of your subconscious. Not the solution.

BeenThere101 · 09/10/2024 21:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

BlondieLady · 11/10/2024 21:43

Thank you so much for such wise words from all of you who have responded. I am truly touched that you are so understanding. I really did not expect such kindness, so thank you.
I am and will continue to do a lot of thinking about how I feel and what I want to do. I feel I need to go through a range of emotions, such as accepting that things need to change in some way. I have a lot to lose, so I need to take my time, I understand that I need to detach myself from this new man and not get so caught up.
I think you may be right that he is looking for an additional relationship. I will cool it, but still see him for the time being as I value his friendship. I will take my time about taking the relationship any further. I see that I must not look at him as a way out. He is very different from my DH and would not necessarily be the ideal partner for me in many ways, and yet we have some shared interests and I like him a lot and want him in my life.

OP posts:
jsku · 12/10/2024 02:27

@BlondieLady

Personally - i think you and the man in question are similar. You dont see each other as potential new relationship material.
Both of you have an important part missing in your primary relatioahip.

I would not be throwing away a chance of physical contact after being starved off it fpr 20 years. Life is too short to live like this.

There is absolutely no point brining it up with your H again. Not after accepting it all as the way your relationship has been for 20 years.

Why would he suddenly decide to try to change?

Keep your life and your routines and lifestyle.
Carve out a bit of time when you can enjoy physical contact with the other man.

Just try to control the emotions. You know he is not the right LT partner for you, but intimacy sometimes can cloud our judgement.:.

FetchezLaVache · 12/10/2024 03:09

I think that, as you are clearly very unhappy with the status quo in your marriage, you should sit down with your husband and have a very serious chat. You've had ten years of zero physical contact of any kind and you are not prepared to go on like this. If he is absolutely adamant that he will not seek help for his ED, then he has the choice of either splitting up or allowing you to have your needs met outside the marriage. I think it's grossly unfair of your husband to impose this situation on you and evidently make no effort whatsoever to acknowledge or meet your needs.

kindertoPTS · 12/10/2024 06:50

jsku · 12/10/2024 02:27

@BlondieLady

Personally - i think you and the man in question are similar. You dont see each other as potential new relationship material.
Both of you have an important part missing in your primary relatioahip.

I would not be throwing away a chance of physical contact after being starved off it fpr 20 years. Life is too short to live like this.

There is absolutely no point brining it up with your H again. Not after accepting it all as the way your relationship has been for 20 years.

Why would he suddenly decide to try to change?

Keep your life and your routines and lifestyle.
Carve out a bit of time when you can enjoy physical contact with the other man.

Just try to control the emotions. You know he is not the right LT partner for you, but intimacy sometimes can cloud our judgement.:.

Agree totally

category12 · 12/10/2024 06:56

Would your dh be amenable to opening the relationship?

He might prefer to keep the marriage and let you have this, than split up, which seems the trajectory otherwise.

MyEarringsAreGreen · 12/10/2024 06:58

I think it is so sad that you have spent MOST of your marriage (20 years out of 30) without physical intimacy. I do believe that physical intimacy is the glue that holds intimate partnerships together, otherwise you are just housemates/co-parents. I would tell him honestly that you can't live like this for another 20 years and he needs to do something about it.

jsku · 12/10/2024 10:41

@BlondieLady

People on MN always go to the ‘talk to him and tell him things need to change’ OR ‘ask to open up your marriage’ sort of advice.
But I think this is not a path that leads anywhere good.

Reality of long marriages that have entrenched ways and no intimacy is such that everybody adjusted to something they know is somewhat dysfunctional. OP made her choice to stay and live without physical contact, in return for other parts of marriage that worked for her - stability, companionship, lifestyle +whatever else that mattered to her.
All of those considerations are still present, I presume.

I am also guessing OP and her H are in mid-50s or 60s now.

So - a sudden demand on her H to ‘fix it or else’ will only being upheaval and upset. He clearly was not bothered to lose his libido/ability to perform when he was a younger man, 20’years ago. When he still remembered what sex feels like. Its cruel and unfair to suddenly demand for him to sort it out how, at his more advanced age.

As to being honest and asking for open marriage - this is just a naive suggestion. Yes, in some parallel universe where people are self aware and evolved - you should be able to have such conversations. Any partner who takes away intimacy and should not expects the other partner to just accept it, and should offer to them an option to ‘outsource’ - but we do not live in such a place.
Most people in his place would rather not be confronted with it - and would prefer OP did her thing quietly and not in their face. Brining the open marriage question to the surface will only lead to misery and suffering for both - by forcing them to deal with issues they chose to sweep away and hide from 20 years ago.

Ia that the sort of marriage OP thought she will be in when she got married? Of course not. But this is her life now. And her choice to make.

As i age, i realise that life does not always turn out the way you imagine. And that pragmatism and compromises are always part of it. And - being black and white on how things ‘should’ be only works in Hollywood movies.

TentEntWenTyfOur · 12/10/2024 10:50

He lives with his partner but they are not intimate.

I wish I had £1 for every time I've read something like this on MN. So many threads from women in a relationship like this and where the bloke they are seeing has told them he's no longer having sex at home / he is separated but still living in the same house for the sake of the dc / whatever.

BlondieLady · 12/10/2024 23:30

@jsku
Thank you for your very wise words, everything you have said makes perfect sense.

'Just try to control the emotions. You know he is not the right LT partner for you, but intimacy sometimes can cloud our judgement.:.'

This is very true, I am working on this. I know my emotions have got out of control. I want the intimacy so much now I have had a taste. An open marriage is not something my DH would want and I would not dream if suggesting it.

Itimacy with my DH dwindled out gradually. Male pride probably was the reason for him not seeking help. I did choose to stay, and time went by rather than me choosing to live without intimacy. It's true that other parts of marriage work for me - stability, companionship, lifestyle and I do love him. I know he loves me but I wonder if he can be 'in love' with me like at the beginning of our relationship. You have helped me tremendously, so thank you.

Thank you also to everyone who has commented, it really helps. I am so glad I posted on here. I think I was expecting to be told leave your husband or stop the affair etc. I was truly shocked myself that I started seeing this man and so guilty but I do see now that I have been put in an impossible position.

OP posts:
VileNote · 13/10/2024 01:33

It's not an impossible possition for you.

You had a choice not to have an affair.
You have no certainty about their marriage, but you have certainty about the ammount of sex you have.

This is the problem which should have been addressed and if insolvable you had the choice to leave your h.
You didn't do that you instead took the chance that this man you were having an affair with was telling you the truth.
Your husband would be devastated, your ap's wife would be devastated.

Come clean, allow others into the secrets of your world.

You are not a victim.

XChrome · 13/10/2024 05:44

TentEntWenTyfOur · 12/10/2024 10:50

He lives with his partner but they are not intimate.

I wish I had £1 for every time I've read something like this on MN. So many threads from women in a relationship like this and where the bloke they are seeing has told them he's no longer having sex at home / he is separated but still living in the same house for the sake of the dc / whatever.

I was thinking the same thing. It's part of the script and probably total bullshit. OP seems very naive.

BlondieLady · 13/10/2024 09:49

VileNote · 13/10/2024 01:33

It's not an impossible possition for you.

You had a choice not to have an affair.
You have no certainty about their marriage, but you have certainty about the ammount of sex you have.

This is the problem which should have been addressed and if insolvable you had the choice to leave your h.
You didn't do that you instead took the chance that this man you were having an affair with was telling you the truth.
Your husband would be devastated, your ap's wife would be devastated.

Come clean, allow others into the secrets of your world.

You are not a victim.

Is it not cruel to leave your DH because they can no longer perform and you still love them? Split up a home, a life a family. Kids grown up and flown the nest now.
Just met up a few times so far, haven't decided to have a full affair as yet. Thinking about things, life etc. My very reason for coming on here and getting advice.
Would my DH be devastated or would he be more devastated if I left him.
Would AP's partner (not wife) be devastated. I don't know. They may or may not be intimate but from all he has told me I think it highly likely he is telling the truth. After all, I am telling the truth.

OP posts:
BlondieLady · 13/10/2024 09:54

TentEntWenTyfOur · 12/10/2024 10:50

He lives with his partner but they are not intimate.

I wish I had £1 for every time I've read something like this on MN. So many threads from women in a relationship like this and where the bloke they are seeing has told them he's no longer having sex at home / he is separated but still living in the same house for the sake of the dc / whatever.

Of course I have considered this, just thought it so obvious that I didn't mention it may not be true. But from what he has told me it is highly likely, after all it's true in my case.

OP posts:
category12 · 13/10/2024 10:01

BlondieLady · 13/10/2024 09:49

Is it not cruel to leave your DH because they can no longer perform and you still love them? Split up a home, a life a family. Kids grown up and flown the nest now.
Just met up a few times so far, haven't decided to have a full affair as yet. Thinking about things, life etc. My very reason for coming on here and getting advice.
Would my DH be devastated or would he be more devastated if I left him.
Would AP's partner (not wife) be devastated. I don't know. They may or may not be intimate but from all he has told me I think it highly likely he is telling the truth. After all, I am telling the truth.

Ask them.

Otherwise you're taking choices away from them.

I disagree that it's unrealistic to ask to open the relationship. Of course it would be an upsetting conversation and confronting one, but it's better than the conversations you have on finding out your spouse is cheating on you.

You then have the choice to end the relationship, or address the sexual issues and try to make it work, or turn a blind eye.

Saying nothing and just having an affair makes you the bad guy. It treats your spouse like they are idiots to be got around, who don't deserve to know what's happening in their own lives, to live a lie.

jsku · 13/10/2024 12:34

@BlondieLady

I dont think most people on here will tell you to prioritise your needs and go for it. Most imagine their H in the role of the man you qre talking to.
Most also dont quite understand that by 50s-60s and after being in a relationship for 30years - you dont see life the same way as you did in your younger years.

When young - people think in more black/white terms and, crucially, have lots more life in front of them. Time to meet new partners, build new experiences together, etc. So - have time to establish life with someone else.

You have done it with your H, and on all aspects (bar sex) - your marriage (and life) is as you want and need it to be. Judging by your post.

It’s be completely silly to blow up his and your life for some occasional physical intimacy that you can have discretely to meet your needs.

That - would surely devastate him.

I am guessing that he would rather not know, but wouldn't be surprised if he found out. Any spouse who takes sex off the table for 20 years doesnt realy get to have a right to be surprised.

VileNote · 13/10/2024 15:14

@jsku

"When young people tend to look at things in a black and white way."

Age doesn't equate with knowledge and a free pass to hurt.

Op, I assume you are not just gaining sex from this extra marital affair, you are gaining friendship, support, an ego boost and a secret life which is making you feel you currently have the upper hand in your marriage.
In short you are taking your husband for a fool and a mug, you are also doing this to his unsuspecting partner, who incidentally you know nothing about except the information that has come from him.

Twenty years is along time to not have sex but there are other ways intimacy can be achieved, many older couples navigate this and do have rewarding love lives, but it takes communication and the desire for both parties 'to give'.
Your resolution skills show me that you were probably not entirely 'giving' within the relationship yourself, it takes two to keep a relationship alive, loving and respectful, your h needed a careful approach to having a quite devastating condition afflict him, why in all these years have you both not communicated.
Any it's pointless now, your primary relationship is ruined and quite frankly I wouldn't be surprised if he already knows that your head has been turned, what a dark thought that he maybe in pain at this very moment whilst you wax lyrically about someone who is throwing his attention at you.

You seem to think being open and honest would ruin your family set up, are you not interested in your h's happiness.
Do you think your friendshp with this man would last if you took the sexual aspect off the table ? Sex is not the only part of a marriage, especially a long marriage, maybe your h would like a friend just like you have.

Maybe if you were to come clean your h could find a friend maybe his wife ?, they could support one another, through a shared pain they could really connect, hell it could even give him the confidence to be intimate with someone or seek solutions for it.
This could be your chance to give him some happiness in the marriage, imagine them both connecting being able to go out with one another, caring for one another without sex, interesting conversations, dinners, walks, affection and maybe even love, an emotional affair born out of a shared pain, how lovely that would be for them both, anything is possible once you open up things up to a level playing field.

Why not, take a chance, give them both the right to be able to have intimacy with someone else without the need for sexual health checks before because if I were them I would want to know.
You now currently don't have any right to want what you want without consequenses, you both took away your partners choices and rights, forget about what you need think about what they need. It's only fair.

You made these decisions without consultation, it appears you are sorted, I think the least you can do is be honest and set free your h to have the chance to spend his free time being loyal to another woman/person instead of you, because your loyalty doesn't exist.
Sorry it's not a post which validates your right to hurt people just because within YOUR marriage you had a problem and I doubt this is all about the sex, it's about your right to be selfish and disloyal.

Your marriage ain't worth much to you, but I bet your h operates on a slightly deeper level, and there are similarly deeper women who would probably find him and his loyal qualities very attractive.

Bestyearever2024 · 13/10/2024 15:28

Your potential new man isn't a long term proposition imo

He would be a fwb at best

Is that enough for you?

If you told your husband that you're thinking of leaving (not telling him about potential new man) what would he say?

Is there any wriggle room in your husbands position of apparent intransigence?

Littys · 13/10/2024 15:30

jsku · 12/10/2024 10:41

@BlondieLady

People on MN always go to the ‘talk to him and tell him things need to change’ OR ‘ask to open up your marriage’ sort of advice.
But I think this is not a path that leads anywhere good.

Reality of long marriages that have entrenched ways and no intimacy is such that everybody adjusted to something they know is somewhat dysfunctional. OP made her choice to stay and live without physical contact, in return for other parts of marriage that worked for her - stability, companionship, lifestyle +whatever else that mattered to her.
All of those considerations are still present, I presume.

I am also guessing OP and her H are in mid-50s or 60s now.

So - a sudden demand on her H to ‘fix it or else’ will only being upheaval and upset. He clearly was not bothered to lose his libido/ability to perform when he was a younger man, 20’years ago. When he still remembered what sex feels like. Its cruel and unfair to suddenly demand for him to sort it out how, at his more advanced age.

As to being honest and asking for open marriage - this is just a naive suggestion. Yes, in some parallel universe where people are self aware and evolved - you should be able to have such conversations. Any partner who takes away intimacy and should not expects the other partner to just accept it, and should offer to them an option to ‘outsource’ - but we do not live in such a place.
Most people in his place would rather not be confronted with it - and would prefer OP did her thing quietly and not in their face. Brining the open marriage question to the surface will only lead to misery and suffering for both - by forcing them to deal with issues they chose to sweep away and hide from 20 years ago.

Ia that the sort of marriage OP thought she will be in when she got married? Of course not. But this is her life now. And her choice to make.

As i age, i realise that life does not always turn out the way you imagine. And that pragmatism and compromises are always part of it. And - being black and white on how things ‘should’ be only works in Hollywood movies.

Wise post.
OP, keep your own counsel on this and protect your marriage while gaining discreet comfort.
It may not be PC but the older I get and the more I hear from friends about long marriages and what is important to their success, sex is only one very small part.

Like my friends sister who's husband was very quietly having a relationship up the country when he travelled to another city.
She was not happy to be told by someone and cut them off ruthlessly.
After a 35 year happy marriage with a good kind man, she simply did not want to know.
She did not want the upheaval it would bring her three happy children and grandchildren in her mid 60's.

When her husband asked about the cooling of the relationship she told him her friend repeated some awful gossip about him being seen in the other city. She said clearly it isn't true and she was furious at the gossip and how it might hurt their children.
Warning duly given to him and heard.
He agreed and dramatically reduced his trips away. He too clearly did not want his marriage to end.
Monogamy is complicated.

paradisecityx · 13/10/2024 15:33

Sometimes you got to be selfish. Think of yourself. If this isn't what you want and not how you wish to be living (and you've already pushed through for long enough) then remove yourself from the situation. Xx

Notaflippinclue · 13/10/2024 15:35

You only live once - can you manage another 20 years - then what! Regret?

GreekDogRescue · 13/10/2024 15:57

I would keep going with the new guy and enjoy the physical side of things.
its unfair your husband is denying you affection and intimacy.