Why are men so awful on OLD?

[Hyram]

I’ve been dating for many years but in the past year I’ve been subjected to the worst behaviour I’ve ever experienced:

I’ve been ghosted after sex
I’ve been dropped after I didn’t want to go back to a guys place on the third date
I’ve met three men who seemed promising with professional jobs - only to find out later they were addicts (drugs, porn etc - they admitted): they didn’t turn out to be pleasant towards me
The list goes on

I’m someone who is ultra cautious about who I date and I spend time talking to these guys, make sure they are who they say they are etc

But how can there be this many messed up people and why have they all appeared in the past year

I’m not doing anything different

I can’t bring myself to date anymore as it’s just awful

I don’t know why I’m posting - I’m upset, I guess, that I am going to end up alone at this rate

I’m sorry you’ve had so many bad experiences OP, some of my friends who have been OLD say the same!

I think the answer really is just because they can! With apps the way they are now there are so many options literally in the palm of your hand that I think there’s just no incentive to stick at it, be decent, put the effort in, there’s a “ah well just move onto the next one” attitude (for both men and women).

There’s also the fact that people are OLD for different things, I do have a friend who is on there hoping to find a husband but I also have friends who have been on there more casually just really after some fun/flirting/dates. So if you match with one of those people, once they get their fun date/sex whatever it may be, they move on. Which is rubbish but I suppose also happens in real life with someone you met down the pub.

I know OLD is convenient but I do wonder how many men use it with the intention of finding a wife/partner, or how many use it for a convenient date/flirt/shag and so once they get it it’s “on to the next” almost.

The right person for you is out there OP, good luck x

Because they’re not using it for long term relationships. Straight men are envious of what gay men can have sex wise, ie Grindr.

My opinion probably won't be popular but I think it's because how easy they can get sex with no effort so they don't see the point majority just using it as a free sex.app

I’ve only just started OLD and have to say so far I’m pretty horrified.

I’ve not even had a date yet - was supposed to be meeting someone Saturday but after 2 weeks of daily messages mostly driven by him, he disappeared 24 hours before our date.

There’s just so few men on there who catch my attention and most of the matches I’ve had so far are unable to string a sentence together.

It’s not you @Hyram . It’s them.

And yes because they can.
And because most men are like that (and the ones who truly aren’t, aren’t likely to be found on OLD).

I think it's really useful and helpful to look at this from the man's point of view.

Men are flicking between vile woman hating online porn and going on to an app to look for a woman to do those things with.

if a woman has standards why should he bother to put the effort in? He can just flick on to the next woman and the next woman and the next woman and the next woman until he finds someone who'll give him what he wants.

I would highly recommend that you come off of internet dating all together. Do everything you can to meet someone in real life go to your local pub, go to your local cafe for breakfast every Saturday morning, join groups, get involved in community websites or social groups, social clubs anything absolutely anything but not online dating.

Don't treat yourself as a piece of meat in a butchers window.

Think OLD is a last resort for those of us who have tried every other way of meeting men with absolutely no success. I’ve been single 5 years and met absolutely no one in real life despite never being at home.

I swore I’d never do OLD but it’s only after having almost no dates in 5 years I thought it had to be with a shot - now I’m not sure it is.

I agree it’s dire. I don’t know about you but most i scroll through look like they need a damn good wash. No idea what that’s about.

I'm not looking to date as I'm married, but just wondering if the paid for dating sites are better. Do they attract more genuine individuals?

@MeetThePainters no it’s just slightly richer losers in my experience

It’s your age that’s the problem. The good men are all still married! The ones who are on the market at your age are there because another woman threw them back. Because of exactly these issues - they’re selfish, cheaters, druggies, porn addicts, etc.

Yeah I had some awful experiences before meeting my DP.

Agree with the porn aspect mentioned above.

Match was first site I tried. Waste of money. Same barely literate blokes looking for ‘something casual’

personally why i prefer to get to know a person as a friend first then see how it develops as then you see them daily and get to know them overall

You are absolutely right.

that's why people always develop feeling with people that we work with - but always told never go there.

Male point of view here.

It’s not men that are the issue, it is just people in general.

I’ve been on OLD for 18 months now and find it also pretty horrific.

ive been lied to by most women usually about their still husband, or still living with husband, most just want a night out away from the husband and then ghost completely.

Others have been socially inept, sex addicts, emotionally unavailable or just chancers with photos older than my mother.

it’s shocking. Humans aren’t used to the whole bar showing attention in the better days you were lucky if one caught your eye.

the apps have created the poor behaviour.

if there are any decent women out there I’m single, don’t live with my ex, I’m fit, healthy, have my teeth, car and home and I’m broad enough to lift a piano but daft enough to drop it.

ill admit thats the flip side, in espionage circles its encouraged due to the nature of the work, but with other companies it can be a mix

With more of us working remotely or hybrid that usher the option it used to be

The incel sites would answer this by saying that you're probably too picky.
Basically, if you are looking for that secure, 6 foot, decent looking guy on a ski slope and charming profile, they'd argue that or course you're going to get a 'Chad'.

These guys know they're in demand and, as such, treat women like fish they they can lure and throw back once they're done.

Stats show that something like 90% of women go for 10% of the men on dating sites . Maybe lower your 'aesthetic' standards, and you might find a decent one?

Unfortunately too many of the "good" married men are cheaters too, and with old it's very easy for them! They just either haven't been caught yet or their wives turn a blind eye for whatever reasons. Not all men of course but as Samantha in Sex and the City once said: "men cheat for the same reason a dog licks his balls... because they can".

I think dating sites aren’t great for either sex who are actually genuine and want a proper relationship.

Honesty seems to be in short supply. My profile is 100% accurate and photos all less than a year old (and a couple only a week ago) and non filtered. But I only seem to attract illiterate sex pests

I think these apps and easy porn access has ruined some men nowadays.

These types expect us to act and look like OF models when some of them wear the same pants for days. 🤣 With holes in them.

I'm not single but if I was, I wouldn't brave these things. I think they aren't for the faint hearted! The horrors I've seen through my friends and on here is a joke.

They don't even have basic respect for some women now.

Yep. In my late 50’s and half the men on OLD expect women their age to dress like teenage hookers and perform like a porn star after the first date (which they want to split 50/50)

Some of the messages I’ve had would be embarrassing if a teenager wrote them let alone a man approaching pension age

Another male perspective here too. I’ve been on OLD for getting for two years. Had quite a few matches and dates, been ghosted, had dates cancelled. Then are the dates that happen with zero chemistry. But there have been some nice ones.

The two matches I’ve made where the relationship developed into a physical one were both ended by the woman, not me.

And I had a really nice date on Saturday, at least I thought it went well, good vibes and nice messages afterwards but then she’s gone cold in the last 24 hours so will see if that goes anywhere else. I think the truth is it’s hard to find a life partner. I’m not giving up though, I enjoy meeting new people and overall I’d rather carry on than give up completely.