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Original poster

Why are men so awful on OLD?

35 replies

Hyram · 07/10/2024 18:33

I’ve been dating for many years but in the past year I’ve been subjected to the worst behaviour I’ve ever experienced:

I’ve been ghosted after sex
I’ve been dropped after I didn’t want to go back to a guys place on the third date
I’ve met three men who seemed promising with professional jobs - only to find out later they were addicts (drugs, porn etc - they admitted): they didn’t turn out to be pleasant towards me
The list goes on

I’m someone who is ultra cautious about who I date and I spend time talking to these guys, make sure they are who they say they are etc

But how can there be this many messed up people and why have they all appeared in the past year

I’m not doing anything different

I can’t bring myself to date anymore as it’s just awful

I don’t know why I’m posting - I’m upset, I guess, that I am going to end up alone at this rate

OP posts:
madaboutpurple · 07/10/2024 22:10

Maybe avoid OLD and get to met men at places that interest you instead.

bifurCAT · 07/10/2024 22:14

Both sexes are going to favour the narrative that supports their own justifications as to why they're single.

The men are going to say that they're the nice guy, maybe not the best looking. They're single because while all the women were busy sleeping with the cocky, social lads at uni, they were relegated to the friendzone. Once the women realise that these guys are all the same and only after one thing, finally they settle for the 'beta' males... who no longer want them because who would want to be the 'backup' that you settle for?

The women (as above) are going to spin it by saying all men are creeps, they're only after one thing, porn addicts, drinkers, druggies, abusers, etc, and that they're only on the market after 35 because they've been kicked out by the women they've hurt.

At the end of the day, there are good and bad men and women. I think as we get older, we have to accept that (sadly) the good ones are most likely taken, or are in extremely high demand, and it's us that are being filtered out. We can either hold out, clinging onto the slim chance we'll bump into that perfect one, or accept defeat that we have to now settle for less. I miss my teenage years!

Mls1984btc · 07/10/2024 22:20

@bifurCAT there's the third option - be single!

Seriously I would rather be alone than lower my standard. It is simply not worth the aggravation.

Slackbladder22 · 07/10/2024 22:23

bifurCAT · 07/10/2024 22:14

Both sexes are going to favour the narrative that supports their own justifications as to why they're single.

The men are going to say that they're the nice guy, maybe not the best looking. They're single because while all the women were busy sleeping with the cocky, social lads at uni, they were relegated to the friendzone. Once the women realise that these guys are all the same and only after one thing, finally they settle for the 'beta' males... who no longer want them because who would want to be the 'backup' that you settle for?

The women (as above) are going to spin it by saying all men are creeps, they're only after one thing, porn addicts, drinkers, druggies, abusers, etc, and that they're only on the market after 35 because they've been kicked out by the women they've hurt.

At the end of the day, there are good and bad men and women. I think as we get older, we have to accept that (sadly) the good ones are most likely taken, or are in extremely high demand, and it's us that are being filtered out. We can either hold out, clinging onto the slim chance we'll bump into that perfect one, or accept defeat that we have to now settle for less. I miss my teenage years!

I don’t agree that the good ones are taken, I see that phrase used all the time on here. Many of the good ones will be for sure but not all.

Personally I’m single because my wife died.

But also I’ve got plenty of divorced friends of both sexes who are great too. People get divorced for all kinds of reasons, married too young, maybe for the wrong reasons, wanted a family, maybe they are just bad judges of character.

I'm not arguing that there aren’t bad actors out there and for there will be blokes just after sex, no doubt about it. But there will be good ones too.

Original poster
Hyram · 07/10/2024 22:31

I don’t agree that the good ones are taken, I see that phrase used all the time on here.

^^ agree with this!

OP posts:
CheeryUser · 07/10/2024 22:32

This thread has actually turned out to be quite nice! Lots of balanced views and decent sounding people. I missed out on OLD as was already married when it became a thing and I’m not sure I’d be much good at it if I wasn’t but I’d say I’ve heard many, many horror stories but also know many happy couples who met online.

Mls1984btc · 07/10/2024 22:38

I also agree not all the good ones (for me anyway) are taken - just haven't met them yet.

However at our age, there's none of that carefree uncomplicated romance relationship we experienced during the uni/early 20s. I do expect the man I will eventually fall in love with will come with certain baggage. Is up to us whether we're willing to share the load as I will come with my shiny luggage too. At my age I'm simply not willing to be someone's mule anymore.

BilboBoggins · 07/10/2024 22:45

I was trying OLD for a year. Didn't find it particularly taxing as I quite enjoy meeting people (obvs filtering required first) and I guess don't get very invested. I had a short relationship with someone that was a bit of a learning curve but now seem to have found someone I really like and seems to like me!

We are a few months in and so far so good. I think I was his first date! Maybe it's because we are a bit older too (50's) and not so much in a rush but it wasn't a terrible experience for me and I wouldn't have found someone like him without it so I think/hope it was worth it.

Elizo · 07/10/2024 22:48

It’s really hard out there. There are more women and I think that makes quite a difference. Then age is also a factor. However, people do meet sucessfully, so trying not to give up!!

QueenMegan · 08/10/2024 01:14

No far more men looking.
Every man has a similar tale and I can now smell the weirdos married men those who like the chat or want just sex.
I think its a crazy world but for both sexes

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