Disrespectful?

[Uncertain007]

Guy im dating was due to meet me for a walk and dinner at 4pm. I'd stay over.
However, due to a change in shifts, his housemate is in today and offered to make dinner for them.
I've been asked to come now at 7pm as it would be cheeky to ask the housemate to cook for 3 people.
I feel disrespected. What's your advice?
I've sent a message saying it's best we leave it until we can have a proper date.

He shouldn't expect you to come a few hours later because he's eating a meal with his housemate; he should have just politely declined the house mate's offer, or offered to cook for all of you himself.

Was he supposed to be doing food for you? So he's saying "get your own food now and come o er when it suits me"

“That’s ok let’s leave it tonight I’m going to chill at home with a takeaway, I’ll buzz you about meeting up another time”

Oh he's tried ringing me now. I've just ignored it. I need to know what to say.

On the one hand
I feel disrespected over being shunted aside by two hours so he can eat with his housemate

On the other hand...
For the sake of two hours, why am I getting so worked up over a bloody meal haha

Just say no thanks, that doesn't sound enjoyable as a date. Maybe see you some other time.
A skint man desperate for a free meal and a fuck doesn't sound remotely appealing.

I'd say I had said no to an invitation for a meal because we’d already made plans so yes it’s annoying to now be cancelled on. Perhaps you can rearrange plans for a time he can stick to but you’re going to take up the invite you turned down.

Let him wonder if it’s another date. Totally is disrespectful and revealing of character.

Then get a takeaway, take your bra off and watch Netflix instead

It’s not just for the sake of two hours though is it? If he’d said I can’t make the walk tonight but can you come over at 7pm instead for dinner then it would be a tad different. He’s chosen the option where everyone else is putting in the effort, time or money for him and he gets to sit back, get fed and get laid! Giving me the ick just thinking about it.

10 dates in he should still be putting in max effort!

Just say that's fine, enjoy your meal and have a good evening with your housemate, I'll just catch up with some friends myself tonight.

Don't make other plans.

ETA 10 dates in and he's already playing the skint card, sorry nope. Throw him back.

It's not the food itself, it's his dismissive rudeness. He might as well have said "oh I've had the offer of a free meal now so never mind our plans, just come over when I've filled my face".

Your response was fine, stick with it.

It’s not the couple of hours, it’s the principle that it’s ok for him to change plans at last minute so he gets a free dinner and your expected to hit jump on demand like a good little girl.
No let him know you’ll see him another time when you’re his priority

My response...

Tbh i feel as though I've been shunted aside for a free meal and just called in for hugs and kisses.

I'll leave it tonight

Thanks everyone. I've decided to meet a great friend instead.

He said he's going to cancel the meal but I said for him to enjoy it. I've made alternative plans

I don't know where you live - in the UK ?
but down here it is dark just after 7pm

is it really a suitable time to go for a walk ?

What’s wrong with going for a walk after dark?

Unless he’s sharing a flat with Gordon Ramsay…

Haha that's true. But he lives in a city

Oh that would be good. Maybe I'd check the bins afterwards haha

Always put yourself first and don't let men devalue your worth

Like PP said you dropped in terms of priorities and your response was very good. I would slowly back away from this one. Forgive me if I missed you telling us how old this man is but he’s excusing not seeing you because he cannot budget money „I’ve eaten out loads recently and money’s tight“. Maybe his other dating parlays have bled him dry.

if he’d had a real interest in you he would have suggested to get some mixed veg together and add pasta etc or worst case scenario ask you to bring some small bits to cook together. With or without the housemate. Anyone can afford a veggie pasta or minestrone. Is let this one go. You’re worth more than a shoddy last minute excuse.

How old is he? This sort of behaviour in your 20s is different today a bloke in their 40s - the latter would give me the total ick

Well done OP!! I wish I had been so smart in some of my earlier relationships!! It’s about the principle and respect. Let us know what happens next with this one ☺️

Do you really want to date a man who, by his own words, is so skint he can't not pass up on a free feed? Have all your dates just been free stuff, like walking?
Maybe this man can't afford to date, or perhaps he dates in the hope the other will either provide, or bring free company and entertainment. That's no fun, find someone who has similar means to you - unless you are in the same boat?
It doesn't sound like you'd be only missing out on 2 hours if he has changed you stopping over. Is there some reason he doesn't want you around when his housemate is about? It's like you are a time-filler for when his mate is unavailable.
Good that you've given his behaviour something to think about and made other plans. Shows he can't mess you about. I'd reconsider dating him after this, however, doesn't sound like you'll get many fun experiences out of it.

I don’t think you’re getting worked up over a meal. It’s his disrespect for you, and last minute plan change.

10 dates in, I would definitely not accept this. And as others have said, if you bend and just go with the flow on this, it just sets a precedent that he can always treat you this way. Also do you really want to be with someone who would do this? Why couldn’t he just say to his housemate “that’s so kind but I have plans already.”

I’d reply and say “that seems a shame, I thought we had plans to meet at 4? It’s a lovely day for our walk. I feel a bit confused as to why you’re messing me about, let’s just leave tonight but make an arrangement for another night?”
And then see his response. If he is apologetic and keen to make it up to you, and you want to give it another shot, go for it. If he acts like a childish prick in response to your text, sack him off and find someone more reliable.

You’ve done the right thing by making alternative plans too. It was a little disrespectful to cancel
your date plans (meal and walk) and ask you to come later. I wouldn’t focus too much on it though, especially if your prior dates have gone well.

Id be put off anyway that he's skint and has a housemate which makes things awkward. Depending on your ages, it probably won't get better if he's a more mature man.