50 years old male never had a relationship

[Lovelyaryan]

I'm a 45F single mum of 2 children and I started chatting with a 50M on tinder. He asked me to meet for a coffee and I said yes as I think we have things in common by our last conversations but he just told me he has never had a girlfriend. I wonder if this a red flag of him being abusive? He seems kind and by his pictures he looks good . I do not understand why he has been single for so long...Should I still meet him?

It can be very frustrating. I too found myself the teacher. And he was trying to be, but not very flexible and in the end I just struggled to make a relationship work with someone who didn't have one idea about what my life was like being a parent. We're still friends and he's done absolutely nothing to enrich his life or improve his chances of meeting someone. Makes no effort to consider what he might need to do to make a change. Frustrating!

Definitely be clear on what you're looking for, don't accidentally pick up someone who also needs you to do all the heavy lifting. You have kids, that's more than enough!

I'd think he either has autism or he's lying.

I agree

be careful - men do lie, there are so many nasty people on the dating apps

I find it so sad that because he’s 50 and never had a girlfriend that you jump to the assumption that he is abusive. There could be all sorts of reasons, and I wouldn’t write him off. He could mean he’s never had a serious relationship or maybe something else. I have family members who are absolutely wonderful but for whatever reason have been single for a very long time. My uncle for example. He lives with my Grandad and cares for him.

He may not have been ready for a relationship until now. Who knows. Either way, if you like him, have things in common, it wouldn’t hurt to meet him for a coffee. I’d use it as an opportunity to suss him out a bit more perhaps, and get to know him more.

With regards to abusive, I’d say it’s more likely to be men who have had a string of relationships…

I say meet him, but have your wits about you - as you would with anyone that you meet for the first time…

He could be a 'Timothy!'

%3D%3D

Or

A player like James Bond!

%3D

You won't know until you meet him!

If you don't find someone as a teenager or in your early twenties it gets more difficult, you have somehow missed out, and as you get older it gets more difficult to admit you have no boyfriend/girlfriend experience. Give him a chance he may be a gem (or a dud). Or he may be lying to get sympathy!

Errm... So it was a red flag.

It’s unusual bur suggesting it could be a sign of an abuser is a step too far! I day meet him and find out more. You have nothing to lose. Obviously usual precautions apply ie don’t give away personal info/ meet publicly. I think it is good he is honest. He may have had shorter term relationships. I have two friends in long term relationships from Tinder (and kids)!

I don’t think it’s a sign of an abuser but it’s not ‘normal’ and I’d give it a miss personally.

To the people saying it's not normal - I find that highly offensive. You don't know his story, you don't know anyone's story. I'm a 40 year old F who has never had an adult relationship.

I-don't wish to delve into my past but, things that happened to me as a child has made me very wary of men and very anxious of being alone with men and so I've never put myself out there to meet anyone.

I have a home, a wonderful family and amazing friends and a beautiful child. I'm not abnormal just because I've never had a relationship.

But did you not have an adult relationship in order to have a child? Sorry if I’m being a bit blunt there…

@RichTea90 nope!! Thank god for science!

Ah okay 😊 good for you!! X

@RichTea90 Thank you 🤩

@Onethingiwantfor23

But your situation most definitely isn't "normal"? It's unusual. I don't see how that statement could be offensive.

Any relationship that comes with an inbuilt difficulty or obstacles to overcome will be too hard to handle for many. It's alright to opt out of something that's outside of the norm or outside of one's capabilities.
I like easy, uncomplicated relationships. No matter what "the story" is, I'd rather not be part of it. It's better for everyone that way.

So if there's a single dad of three looking to date, no matter how heart-rending his story is and no matter how tragic the circumstances - it is completely outside of the zone of things I'd be willing to take on.
Nothing personal and I'm sure he's a lovely person.

I ask him and he said he never had a girlfriend because he is bald and he did not find a woman who was attracted to him.
I know lot of men who are bald and have girlfriend/ wife..

If you get good vibes from him and he seems kind but maybe socially awkward, I would give him the benefit of the doubt. I don’t see it as a red flag, plenty of horrible men have had relationships so that’s no barometer.

Nah, that's a weird answer. I'd be very wary of him now he's said that.
It's complete nonsense. I know absolutely loads of men who are bald and have women flocking round them. Several women I know find bald men very hot.

There's some other reason for it.

Well that’s a weird reason to give.

I'd be very wary of him now he's said that.

Same.

I've just been best man for my friend, who just married his first girlfriend at 41.

There's nothing wrong with him, he's an average looking guy, a bit quiet and geeky, but not to the extent that he can't hold a conversation.

He just never seemed that interested in dating. Pulled a few times in nightclubs in his 20s, met a few women over the years and had a couple of dates that fizzled out, more from his side than theirs. He had a social life, was happy living alone, just didn't seem to need a relationship.

Then suddenly at 38 he announced he was joining Bumble. Had a few dates with different women and then one of them stuck.

Him and his wife seem very happy together, and I don't really know what changed for him, but he's a good man and I'm sure they'll have a good life together.

I'd say it's certainly a red flag if someone hasn't had a relationship at that age, but it doesn't mean he's definately a wrong'un

That’s a strange answer tbh. There’s not exactly a shortage of bald men out there having relationships.

If he’d had said he was ND or painfully shy I could have accepted that as a reason but bald? No that’s odd

I don’t think it’s a red flag of him being abusive. Most abusers I know have had loads of relationships because they are manipulative. To me, sorry, it would just signal he’s a bit of a weirdo who lacks social skills. I would give this one a huge swerve. He’s missed out on a big part of adult life. Wouldn’t be for me.

This is nothing to do with it imo.

It's far more likely that he's socially awkward in some way.