Husband has started gross habit

[bipbopdo]

I don’t really know where to start with this, so I’ll dive right in. My husband has started to take his socks off and pick at his toenails when we have guests round. I find this deeply disgusting, a little disturbing and very embarrassing obviously. We don’t have guests round very often, so it’s really noticeable that he does it every time someone is here. He hasn’t always done it and it seems to have started because he’s very stressed right now (work, moving, ageing parents, etc).

I’d like to talk to him about it, but I don’t know how to bring it up without it seeming like I’m picking faults. Most of our conversations have been about big life stuff recently and I don’t want to add things to the pile. He seems so flat and disengaged all of the time. Does anyone have any advice on how to have this conversation in a sensitive way?

Just say 'Keep your socks on and don't pick your toenails. It's disgusting, especially in front of visitors but also doing it in front of me is so disrespectful'.
I'd probably add 'dirty pig' but then I'm common as muck.

@maras2 😂😂😂

I’d have to tell him as I’d probably be heaving! I’d leave the room if he did that while we were sitting together but can’t do that when we have people round! It’s pretty disgusting and if my children did that I’d tell them without hesitation. Stressed or not, he cannot do that in public. He needs to find other ways to relieve the stress, maybe you could help him?

I used to do simmlar when I was age8, liked to show off how flexible I was that I could eat my toenails (ie foot in mouth) because I got a reaction, my mum was mortified and still mentions now. But I was 8. This is so not socially acceptable. You need to nip in but or you’ll have no friends! I don’t think you need to sugar coat this, just say keep your socks on and don’t touch your feet in front of guests. Is he unaware he is doing this?

Look DH, I know you have a lot going on at the moment and you’re under some stress, but you can’t pick your toenails in company. Keep your socks on, it’s gross. Personal grooming needs to be done privately, and that includes not in front of me.

I know it's a difficult conversation but I think it's a conversation that needs to happen.

Just say I've noticed you do this when we have people over and I don't think it's appropriate and would you feel comfortable if someone did this if we were guests in their house?

I'm sure he would find it strange.

If you choose not to have the conversation then he's going to keep doing it.

😂

love This suggested response 😂😂

Does anyone have any advice on how to have this conversation in a sensitive way?

I could not, for a second, raise this in a sensitive way😂

I'm a skin picker too (ASC) but would NEVER do this in front of guests. It's gross for them to see (even though I find it very soothing!!).

You'll have to just tell him. I'd expect to be told off for that if I started doing it around guests. Some things are private

Lock him away.

He needs telling in no uncertain terms. He’s counting on you worrying about being sensitive and friends politeness to not bring it up.
If he had a sensitive bone (in his foot) he’d keep his socks on.

I have the kind of relationship with my husband where I could just say it's gross don't do that as he would with me.

If I didn't then could you maybe say something along the lines of "did you see so and so"s face when you started picking your feet" he/she looked mortified.

I dunno op I think you just have to bite the bullet and have that uncomfortable convo personally and not beat around the bush.

That's so gross you need to tell him asap. You'll lose a lot of friends/guests quickly.

Get him a fidget toy if he needs something to do with him hands when anxious.

Could this be his subconscious way of expressing that he can’t cope with visitors right now?

If so, let him ( or instruct him) to excuse himself when visitors are around.

If he insists he’ll stay when visitors are around, tell him clearly it’s unacceptable to pick his feet when they are there.

Just tell him to put his socks back on, before he gets to the picking toenails (at least in front of guests. 'Hey Fred put your socks back on Aunty Jane doesn't wants to look at your feet!'.

This makes me think of the lunch I went to recently where the man next to me while managing to talk both on the in and the out breath was alternately picking at the bottom of his trainer and rubbing the back of his head with the same hand. I didn't envy his fiancée.

I don't think it's something you need to raise just now if there is a lot going on, unless you feel there is a moment that it could be brought up because of a conversation you are having. However, just before your next guests are due to arrive I'd be telling him that he musn't take his socks off and pick at his toenails whilst you have guests as it's really not nice for other people to have to see him doing that.

I think @twomanyfrogsinabox has the most painless solution.

You have my deepest sympathy. 🤢.

I suppose a semi-sensitive approach is to start by asking why he's started doing this now when he didn't before - point out that previously he didn't do it, presumably because he didn't think it was appropriate; also that no-one else does it, for similar reasons.

Sit there and loudly start making borking sounds and wretching like you are going to throw up - he'll soon stop

I think “what the fuck are you doing?” whilst looking repulsed is as sensitive as he deserves. Honestly. He might as well be taking a piss in the pot plant and you’re asking how to ask him nicely to stop.

Of course you must tell him! How horrible ( and embarrassing) for your guests to have to sit there while he's doing that? Just tell him it's an unacceptable thing to do in front of people and to save it until he's somewhere private.
If you can't raise that with him what hope is there for your relationship?

DH, keep your socks on when people are visting. No-one, including me, wants to see you picking your toenails.

That should do it.