Husband has started gross habit

[bipbopdo]

I don’t really know where to start with this, so I’ll dive right in. My husband has started to take his socks off and pick at his toenails when we have guests round. I find this deeply disgusting, a little disturbing and very embarrassing obviously. We don’t have guests round very often, so it’s really noticeable that he does it every time someone is here. He hasn’t always done it and it seems to have started because he’s very stressed right now (work, moving, ageing parents, etc).

I’d like to talk to him about it, but I don’t know how to bring it up without it seeming like I’m picking faults. Most of our conversations have been about big life stuff recently and I don’t want to add things to the pile. He seems so flat and disengaged all of the time. Does anyone have any advice on how to have this conversation in a sensitive way?

Who are the visitors?

Theres no way an adult doesn’t know this is gross and socially unacceptable.

What the hell how can you not say anything , I mean is he ok? This is not normal behaviour at all and you wouldn't be picking faults to mention it !

I mean yeah if he's a bit simple, I'd be really worried if my OH started doing this or anyone really

I also pick my toenails when I’m stressed but would never do it in front of guests.

He really, really doesn't want visitors, does he?

Just tell him it’s disgusting.
surely you can be honest with each other if you’re married?

Oh boy, op this is awful.

Skin picking is actually a sign of distress. The overt nature of doing it in front of guests suggests he is really struggling. Are there some huge issues going on or is he ND?

Given he is doing this, and may not be able to stop himself, I would see my friends alone for now and get him some professional support. Gently mention his behaviour is concerning and needs to be addressed. Look at the root of the issue rather than the behaviour.

he's your husband and you don't know how to say "stop picking your toenails you dirty b***d"?? You may have bigger problems than his toenail picking.

This thread brought to you by ChatGPT.

He has anxiety due to the high level of stress he is under. Best thing would be to correct the underlying stress factors.

Failing that, you could get him a squeeze ball to keep his hands busy, and a pair of comfortable lace-up indoor shoes that he can wear when guests visit that would prevent him from being able to get to his feet.

And perhaps remind him before guests arrive not to de-sock.

Is he aware that he is doing it?

This would disgust me wether we had guests or not, I don’t think it’s acceptable to pick your toenails in front of anyone, in any public area.
You simply have to tell him, but I’d be wondering why I had to tell a grown person such a simple piece of obvious etiquette.
Good luck OP.

I cannot stand when people pick their feet such a disgusting habit.

Someone I knew at school used to pick her heels and chew the skin from she's picked and put under her nail. She would sit in lessons with her hand in her ankle socks collecting skin.

Feet are not to be picked. Tell him to get some good foot files and get he can file his nails down or at least trim them with scissors. So gross and even more grim when there's people round.

I honestly don’t think a ‘sensitive’ approach is the way to go about this. If he’s so oblivious to the fact it’s disgusting and he shouldn’t be doing it at all, never mind in front of visitors, I think you need to be quite direct about it.

🤣🤣🤣 exactly .

Does he want guests?

Is this his way of telling guests that it is time to leave and not to return? Honestly I wonder is it a symptom of something else.

Next time guests are at the door, say’ please will you keep your socks on this time. We don’t want to see you picking at your feet today. It’s gross, disgusting and embarrassing. If you feel the need, please leave the room first. If you don’t want people to come visit, just say so before they’re invited rather than show yourself up as a mannerless pig to put them off coming back”

This

What sort of relationship do you have that you're struggling to address this?

This is clearly a troll thread generated by ChatGPT. I’m surprised it’s still up.

It's a stim OP. Find him something rise or fidget cube etc. don't question his need to stim as he probably dies t really know why. Just get him something he CAN fidget with!

Just popping back to say thank you for all the kind advice some posters have given! I’m going to look into fidget toys. I had a conversation with him starting with “I’ve noticed…” and it went really well. He told me how he’s been feeling really tired and very overwhelmed recently. I was originally worried about making things worse by bringing it up since it was obvious he’s struggling.

He’s an absolutely wonderful husband and has a habit of taking on too much. He said he hated to say no to things like having guests over because it’s important to me. The toe picking was clearly a symptom of some deeper issues that we’ll work on going forwards. I’m glad I got some advice about it!

Good luck with it op. Ease off on the entertaining, he sounds overwhelmed and is maybe too embarrassed or ashamed to tell you directly. Poor chap. Support him. Seee you friends in restaurants for a while.

@bipbopdo That's great news. Gotta support each other when we're overwhelmed. I hope the underlying stress factors can be resolved and that he can feel more like himself again in time.