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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

WWYD - ex belongings

55 replies

Nipper2020 · 02/10/2024 22:03

Ex boyfriend moved out of my house 18mths ago, I ended it due to domestic abuse. He is a covert narcissist, was coercive controlling violent once & has been a drug addict in the past.
He moved 1 mile from mine into a tiny bedsit. My guess is to keep tabs on me. He uses any excuse to contact me I've blocked him on every platform. No contact (unless he engineers it!)
He left a few items of clothing & some other valuable belongings when he left saying he would collect them. I know he has only left them here so he has an excuse to come back/contact me (& for free storage). He has no space in bedsit for his things & his land lady is awful so dumping things outside door is not feasible & too inflammatory.
He lives so near I am scared for repercussions. I desperately want his stuff gone and I don't want to see him. Just the thought if seeing him makes me feel ill.

Do I:

  1. Move his things to storage nearby for one month, post him the details, pay for the month & its down to him to collect. [worry is - moving his things will trigger a controlling rage]
  2. Ask him to get the stuff from mine & arrange a time I'm not here or I have someone else here. [i don't want to see him, it triggers me but me not being here will prob cause a tirade of abuse]

Anything will trigger a potential flare up. What shall i do, I want him gone from my life. Any ideas?
Thank you wise ladies x

OP posts:
Mostlyoblivious · 03/10/2024 10:43

Nipper2020 · 02/10/2024 23:05

The weapons are not illegal tho so police have no right to take them.
He has a criminal record for historical violence gbh etc but nothing for 20yrs...

You can still hand them in

WWYD - ex belongings
Nipper2020 · 03/10/2024 16:58

I intend to hand the crossbow & air rifle in, even though not illegal, I have made arrangements.
(For people concerned about it being illegal - I hold a firearms licence but my guns are not kept on site, I am not breaking any laws. We are rural country people so half the village have guns (legally!))

I agree he is still controlling me remotely. And I think if anything, its the car that has a tracker on, I will do a sweep. I am in contact with WA.

I agree with the suggestion make a date/time & get someone else to be here for him to collect. I think thats the plan.The stuff is too big & heavy to send.

Thanks everyone for your input & opinions, its been helpful to make a decision, so many thanks X

OP posts:
Nipper2020 · 03/10/2024 17:01

Crotchetbikini, thank you, sorry you've been here too. Glad you got yours sorted. I'm going to do exactly that: date & time & I'm not there x

OP posts:
thursdaymurderclub · 03/10/2024 17:04

your post seems to imply you want nothing to do with your ex, yet you know what his landlord is like, you know what his bedsit is like and you are still hanging onto to his stuff!

box up his stuff, expensive and otherwise, and either hand it to one of his friends or family or simply drop it off at his bedsit and be done with it, stop making excuses.

it's been 18 months, you need to heal and move on and it just doesnt seem healthy that this is still controlling your life!

Acornsoup · 03/10/2024 17:04

Good luck with it OP Flowers

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