My fiancé cheated on me and I don't know what to do

[Kgem99]

Apologies if this isn't allowed here. It's 1am and I don't have anyone to talk to.

So, my fiancé has had a horrible year. 2 grandparents died within a week and the next week she found out her mom has cancer. We've both been struggling to deal with this all year and I've tried my best to make things as easy as possible. Going with her to visit her mom in hospital each time, taking over most of the cooking and cleaning, organising days out and dates etc.
It's worth noting that our relationship has been a little "bleh" for a year or so and we've both had our share of mental health issues, my fiances being much worse this year.

Recently, I had an anonymous email from someone claiming that she was cheating on me with a guy at her work. I called her up on it, she told me it was all BS and I moved on.
With that fresh in my mind a few weeks later(today), I checked her phone while she was out and found that she had in fact been seeing a guy at work.
In the texts, they talk about meeting on lunch and that they'd kissed, and the part that hurts the most is that she said she loved him.

I confronted her about it this evening and it all unraveled. She explained that they'd kissed 3 times, and that she only said she loved him "as a friend". She explained that the last year has really been hard for her and she doesn't even recognise herself anymore. She stopped talking to him a couple days ago and regrets everything about it.

Now, the problem I've got is that I love this girl more than anything. She was my highschool sweetheart and we've been together for 4 years after reconnecting. We have a mortgage on a house, 2 cats. Everything felt amazing until today.
I don't want to leave her because I really do love her. But the pain in my chest from what's happened is tearing me apart and I don't know what to do. I appreciate that this is still fresh but I can't stop reading those texts between them.

I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and has any advice on what steps I should take next? Because I'm currently losing my mind.

I hope you are Ok OP, I’m sorry you are going through this, it’s incredibly painful to be cheated on. Find someone with a higher moral bar, who loves you

what do I do if he is cheating?
We have been together 13 years and have a 12 year old daughter, he’s 11 years older than me and has a child to a previous partner. He has been prone to lying since day 1 but I forgave and we moved on. He proposed summer 2023 and we are due to marry summer 2025. Yet he sleeps in the spare room, we hardly talk, he stays up until all hours on his phone but makes me feel like im crazy for questioning anything. I feel so useless and lonely. My daughter has noticed his sleeping habits and asked me why he sleeps in different room.. I don’t know how to answer her. The wedding is booked but I don’t know what to do any more. How can I marry a man who can’t even share a bed with me and make me a priority in his life. I’m miserable and don’t see a future with him. What do I do?

‘I love you as a friend’ ohhh fuck offfffffffffffff !!!

All answers are recommending you the same. This is what I think, if this girl is your highschool sweetheart and if you know she has been through some tough life challenges, give her the understanding that she might have acted totally different than her character. I lost my father when I was 20. Two years I was broken, I can't remember that period of my life. You don't know how another person acts when they go through pain and loss. Be next to her, try to understand and hepl her figure out if you are the right guy for her if you really love her.
Don't let life take away from you someone who you really love . If she is that bad as everyone else is saying you will figure it out. Don't mary her now, postpone wedding for a while but don't let her go if you really love her.

I have been where you are. I stupidly married him and then he cheated on me repeatedly until I finally ditched him 15 years and a lot of heartache later. Don't do this to yourself. You deserve much better.

She doesn’t give a shit about you and your feelings, is a liar and cheat, but you still love her!!! Dump her fgs. She will do it again. Don’t be a mug.

I'm sorry for her/your loss. I lost two parents within a year, but that didn't make me cheat. Regardless of what her losses have been, she still cheated. She hasn't been that bad with mental health otherwise she wouldn't have found the time confidence, sneakiness and happiness to get intimate with someone else. The level of intimacy is irrelevant by the way. I like how she's played down the kissing, that's a good trait of someone who's lieing to hedge their bets! Keeping you there to do the housework and pay the bills while she's busy getting it on with someone else. Nah, sorry she isn't for you. She sounds very immature and selfish.

Also, the anonymous email sounds like someone at work knows a lot more than she's told you. For someone to do that means everyone at work knows she doing the dirty.

Be the better person, get in there first and end the relationship, for both of your sakes. It's not healthy and do you want to be with someone that you don't trust? Someone who, each time has a stressful time cheats and then makes excuses to you like your and idiot. No no no. You will find someone better.

Hiding behind grief to cheat is a very low excuse.

Don't marry her.

If she had a moment of madness and kissed someone and then confessed to you that would be somrthing I could possibly forgive. But the only reason you know is because you found out, otherwise she would still be carrying on behind your back. Sorry but having relatives die doesn't make you shag other people, coming from someone who has had a lot of trauma in a short space of time.

Your relationship (second time trying by the sound of it) was already on the wane again OP. Instead of trying to rescue it, she chose to flirt and snog some guy from work. This relationship does not have longevity written on it, even if you do manage to forgive her cheating. Get out now before you're tied by marriage or there are kids involved.

You have a chance to pick a better life, you’re not too far down the line with kids etc . Choose a better match for yourself

Sounds to me that she was totally lost. Sometimes it's easier to talk to and be with someone who is distant from what is going on in your life. Maybe counselling will help you both. Would suggest if possible she changes her job. You obviously want to continue this relationship just make sure it is really what you want. Good luck.

Deep down in your heart, as much as it hurts you already know what to do. Just leave and save yourself years of misery. Once a cheat, always a cheat. The denial makes it so much worse. Terrible character on every level

Agreed.

you have no happy future together

you can’t trust her and you can’t rely on her

Get rid, u r not the one they want.

And don’t have sex with her. The last thing this problem needs is a child