Ending an affair, is there a correct way?

[NeatQuoter]

Hi, I'm new to this, looking for support and help.
I have just ended an emotional affair, just ghosted/blocked him in an attempt to heal and put everything back into my marriage.
However I am in turmoil and feel guilty and rude, like I've had no closure as I was in deep.
I am tempted to unblock and explain things but would this just be weak and stupid?

It would be stupid yes. He probably already knows anyway. Just leave it and work on yourself and your marriage (if you want to stay in it, if not leave).

Ghosting & blocking someone is incredibly immature anyway, but especially when they've done nothing wrong. Unless someone has been treating you very badly, the very least they deserve is a message to say this is no longer working for you, sorry, bye.

He knows why OP. You don't owe him anything.

By unblocking, you’re opening the door again and jumping back in.

You have done the right thing, stand on it. Put everything into your marriage or leave if it is beyond repair, but don’t embark on an affair whether it’s “only” emotional or not. Your husband deserves better than that, he should be your priority not the other man.

I will add I tried to kindly explain I wasn't going to continue, and he wouldn't listen and continued to message me.

Is it not the guilt from cheating on your partner that is making you feel more like this?

You know you can't unblock now. You have done the right and difficult part by doing that. Don't undo that just because of a weak moment.

My partner is autistic, and emotional connection is difficult. We have two children. An affair was wrong, but I crave attention.

Well in that case you haven't ghosted him. You've said
"I'm done"
He's said "Not til I say we're done"
You've blocked him, understandably

He sounds like a prick.

Unblocking him serves a few potential purposes

• Making him understand why you need to end things
• Softening the blow for your affair partner
• Not wanting to be seen as a bad person for ending things this way, saving your own ego
• Keeping the lines of communication open for any future rekindling of the affair

None of these serve your marriage. None of these are the right things to do in this situation.
Your priorities should not be with him, nor with repairing your own ego. They should be getting clarity for yourself on whether or not you want to stay married to someone who makes you feel so lonely that you'd resort to having affairs for attention. Whether this is really the best way you could be handling the issues in your marriage. Whether this is really the person you want to be.

Appreciate it. It's nice to be anonymous and still get support from people.

Sounds like he's bullying you.

Many young women tend to think a man's refusal to agree about ending a relationship/affair is about how ardently they love them, especially in this situation whereby he feels he has put in the hours but maybe not had the big pay off yet.

Not so.

It's more about control, stomping over your boundaries and manipulating you to do what they want.

Being a pushy bullying bastard does not equate love.

Your real love is sat at home bored whilst you give another man your time.

This - ghosting is cruel and nasty to do to someone who you give even a little shit about. Just explain, give him closure so he can move on. He’s also less likely to cause trouble for you if you end it nicely.

Well you should have put that in your OP.

Sorry am I completely dumb for not knowing what OP means??

Original Post or Original Poster

Do you think he does understand but doesn't want you to leave him, so is making it difficult? I think any of us who've been suddenly ghosted without a reason have suffered badly. It depends on the guy really and whether he's manipulative or not.

It might be time to look at whether you should stay married. It sounds as though it's pretty tough for you.

If he were nice, then I would explain and not be rude.
If he doesn't listen to you, then blocking is the way. Right there it shows that he's not mature and if you continue, it won't be good and not only because of the affair, but he will probably give you problems.

Cold turkey is the only way.

I know it's difficult though, but it's the most effective.

By the sound of this, you explained it to him, he refused to accept it, you blocked him so you could move on.

This sounds pretty reasonable tbh

You explained why you were finishing the affair.
He has not accepted it.
You blocked him.

This is the right way to end things.

You won't be continuing, so there is no point in contacting him again. There is a good chance you will be tempted to continue, and no advantage. You will just have to live with the feelings of loss to save your marriage.

Yes, ghosting a predator is quite acceptable.

Op I think you need to toughen up, strengthen your boundaries and watch out for predatory bullies.

There are men out there that will coerce you, make you think your partner is boring/abusive, a whole host of negtives to manipulate his way into your bed.

Many of them apart from gaining a conquest really get off on humiliating the husband who is being cheated on.
There are some nasty people out there, wise up, you owe this man nothing, you have explained your reasons and he should now respect that.

Honestly op, how “guilty and rude” do you feel about what you’ve done to your husband? Because your post suggests you don’t feel very guilty about that at all and are more concerned for your AP. If that is the case I think it would be kinder for you to end it with your husband and go from there. Let’s face it, you haven’t been very kind to your dh so far. Do the right thing now.

Seriously guys, I'm very grateful for your input.
My last messages to him were clearly stating how I felt, deep in regret and guilt, and I gave him the opportunity to say goodbye at which he replied 'I have no need to say bye'.
I think he was inferring that I'd get over this patch and we'd be fine. (I was always convinced I would be ok).
I didn't respond and later he asked me 'how my day was going'.
It was at this point I got angry, upset and chose not to reply and block him.
Was I unreasonable? Should I have been more clear?
I loved his attention, I really liked him as a person and he was highly intelligent, not a regular guy or so I thought.
It feels like I will have hurt him and that is playing on my mind.

Yes, ending the emotional affair will hurt him. There is no way to do it which won’t, but you chose the best of bad options.

There’s no ‘correct’ way, only a clean way.