How to tell abusive husband I’m leaving

[Cupofteaformeee]

I’m currently putting together a plan to leave emotionally/verbally abusive husband. I’m on the list for a council house/housing association property and once offered a place I will be able to leave.

Seeking advice on how to tell my husband I’m leaving him? Do I sit him down when the kids are in school and tell him? Write him a letter? Text him?? My plan is to tell him, arrange for my youngest to have a sleepover and I will be able to go that very day, my oldest teen dislikes sleepovers so I will have to leave him with his Dad until I can talk to him alone and explain the situation. Not ideal and I believe my husband would bad mouth me to my teen.

Has anyone been in a similar position please?

how are you @Cupofteaformeee ?

I’m okay, thanks for asking. Just seen a lovely little house close to local area which I hope to put my name down for. It’s with another county’s housing association so I need to join then bid for it. Keeping everything crossed! 🤞

Things with DH are calm although he’s been putting on pressure to have physical affection, when I told him today that I wasn’t comfortable yet due to stuff he’s said to me he told me to “grow up”

Hoping I don’t have long to wait for the new place x

@Cupofteaformeee how are you? Did you move yet? I’m in the same situation … just wondering how it’s been for you? Also are you able to add yourself to multiple county’s housing associations? Thank you xx

Hello, im okay thank you xx I haven’t moved yet although I’m currently top ten for quite a few areas with my local council. Also I’m receiving property alerts for my local housing association and I’m keeping an eye out for suitable homes. I’m sorry to hear that you are in a similar situation. Due to the fact that I’ve had to declare myself homeless with the council due to DA I’ve been told that I can only have one homeless application with one council at a time. I couldn’t apply to multiple authorities. The council do have links with HA though and sometimes people are offered a property with a HA instead. Xx

Feel free to PM me Xx

Currently feeling v.guilty about planning all this in secret even though I know it’s the right thing to do.

He's never felt guilty a day in his life treating you like shit.

You do not owe him your guilt.

You feel guilty because you're a good person. Easier said than done, but please, don't feel guilty. You're doing it for safety reasons and those trump "doing the right thing and being upfront".

Please don't tell him beforehand. It's not safe to.
I was in the same situation as you and I left one day and then texts him to say we had gone. I felt awful about it and really like I was a terrible person for doing that too him but he was emotionally abusive to us. Was starting to become physically abusive to the kids and I so we had no choice.

Get yourself and the kids sorted with somewhere else and then leave when he's at work. I know it feels horrible but it will keep you safe.