Major issues with FIL, his attitude and (Legally owned!) gun causing havoc in family....help!

[whataconundrum]

Am so fed up.

Have a lovely DH and nice family generally but my FIL is an utter imbecile. It has gotten so bad that we cannot arrange family celebrations, and my Ds hardly ever sees his grandma

Ok deep breath...... my FIL and I are like chalk and cheese, he is heavily into hunting, shooting, fishing etc etc, anything that involves killing things.

He is opinionated and has repulsive ideas about people and life in general. he rules my MIL with a quietly controlling iron rod.

For the past year or so I find him so appalling that I cannot bear to go to their home. I do not feel comfortable that he owns a gun even though it is locked up as per the rules and regs. I do not want my DS to become contaminated by this man, hear all about his disgusting thoughts and see his hunting paraphernalia all over the place.

His grandma keeps inviting us over and I have come up with every excuse in the book, I just didnt want to hurt her feelings as it will involve telling her 'that is it' I findyour DH so awful that i literally cannot bear to lay eyes on him.

My Dh will not get involved and it is causing major rows and upset.

Sorry for rant, just so so and frustrated.

Hi Gryffin

I wish it were as simple as not wanting his views etc rubbing off on my Ds. Maybe I should have left the gun issue out of my Op and just described exactly what it is about him that makes it so very difficult to spend any time in his company. The gun issue is kind of the icing on an extremely unpleasnt cake and for some of the reasons I have already stated it does worry and un-nerve me.

This man basically hates anyone that doesn't conform exactly to his ideas of what is right and wrong. he rants and raves and swears and basically expressing some deeply, and i mean deeply offensive views.

Believe it or not I am a tolerant person but he is so unpleasant to be around I feel physically sick. I don't feel my ds needs to be around this man. Most of his family (adults) have chosen to disconnect from him, in self preservation I think, so I am not going to subject my little boy to him.

But that doesnt help me in the original problem, ie how to continue to encourage/ allow his grandma to see him despite all of this.

You are going round in circles.....

Your MIL isnt going to change her views on your FIL.

Its you who has to put up with and handle the situation.

All you are doing is trying to STILL convince that he is vile. We get it!

So back to your original problem AGAIN

Either take your child for short periods and ignore him as best you can or invite MIL over. What other advice is there?

have you tried saying to him that you'd prefer him to not say things like that? i mean, say if he says something racist / homophobic / swears, could you say 'please don't say that in front of DS?'